What Makes A Good Mom?

My sweet little Coops,

You will be here SO soon! Everyone keeps asking if I am excited. And I am absolutely beyond excited to meet you.

To see your sweet little face.

Hear that first cry to let me know you're OK.

See your little tiny toes and hold your small hands.

I'm sure I'll be crying my eyes out when they place you on my chest for the first time. And I just stare into your eyes...I'm crying just thinking about that moment now.

You'll be here so soon...

Everyone also keeps saying that I'll be such a great mom, which makes me feel wonderful when I'm feeling nervous and scared about what the future has in store for us.

Despite what some people may believe, there is no magical playbook for parenting. Sure, people have some tricks up their sleeves and they're always eager to share...but when I think about what makes a good mom - a few things come to mind.

So, here is my list of promises to you.

First and foremost, I will always love you. Always.

I will tell you I am proud of you often. 

I will read you bedtime stories and maybe we can create a few stories of our own!! 

I will teach you empathy - how to care for  others and give back, especially to those in need. 

I will remind you that failing makes you stronger. I will leave the competitiveness to your father (competiviness isn't my greatest gift). 

I will hold you when you cry - no matter your age. 

I will inspire you to always try your best.

I will try to teach you patience. We can learn this virtue together. 

I will teach you to give back by participating in community events, fundraisers, and making donations. 

I will remind you the world doesn't revolve around you, but you can make a giant impact on this world by being you! 

I will discipline you to help you learn right from wrong. Yes, you will be grounded. And yes, you will get mad at me. We will both get over it. 

I will teach you forgiveness - see above. 

I will make you clean your room before spending the night at your friends house. And you'll have chores to do as well.

I will not let your dad blame his farts on you. 

I will never ever tolerate you making fun of another kid or being the class bully.

Never. Instead, I want you to be the kid who defends the weak and stands up to the bullies. 

I will make you eat what is for dinner - no special trips. (This one is easy to say for now). 

I will let you pick out any meal for your birthday. And if I am skillful enough and have the time, I will make fun birthday cakes for you each year. 

I will teach you to have an adventurous spirit. We will travel fun places together - both near and far. 

I will take you shopping - your father doesn't have a taste for fashion...but he can certainly teach you any hobby or sport. And cooking - your father is a wonderful chef!

I will probably dress you in suspenders and other outfits you hate. But I promise, you will look back one day and get a laugh out of your style, hair cuts, and school pictures. 

I will ask you the low point and high point of your day every single night at dinner. It will be our tradition. 

Speaking of traditions, I will create fun traditions for us to share as a family. Sorry, but Elf on the shelf probably won't be one of them. 

I will teach you how to be a young gentleman. This includes holding the door open for everyone, letting others go before you, opening the car door for your lady on every single date (not just the first one), and always saying thank you!

I will probably embarrass you in front of your girlfriends. But the keeper - the one you marry - she will think I'm funny and won't mind my silly ways. This I know...

I will help you make healthy decisions and live an active lifestyle. I would love to do races with you! 

I will do my best to make it to all your events, conferences, games, shows, and activities. But remember, I am working hard for this family so there will be some things I miss.... I will stalk people to take pictures and videos for you to show me. 

I will always do my best for you. 

I will dance with you in the rain and play with you in the mud. After all, that is why we have a washing machine! 

I will pick time with you outside vs. keeping us both stuck inside watching TV. 

I will teach you to laugh off hard moments, but know when to be serious. 

I will dance with you any time, any place - this might be embarrassing for you later in life... but we will have fun! 

I will motivate you to face your fears, no matter what they are (unless it involves scuba diving with sharks or chasing down aliens or tornadoes). 

I will make you eat your vegetables and fruit.

But we will have bacon on occasion to balance it all out. 

I will help you with your homework, but I won't do the work for you. Apply yourself and you will reap the benefits. 

I will rescue you when bandit is giving you too many kisses - but he means well and loves you dearly!!! That's what puppy brothers are for...

I will teach you how to work for what you want ...and no, you won't have an iPhone in kindergarten. I don't care how many of your friends have one... 

I will make sure we learn things in our own time and way - refusing to listen to how other kids are learning or growing.

Comparing yourself to others is no way to live. 

I will accept that these things are hard. 

We will have bad days. 

We will breakdown. 

Tears will be shed. 

Mistakes will be made. 

We will fail on our promises sometimes - but remember, failure makes us stronger and wiser. 

I am confident we will learn something new from each other every single day. 

I can't wait to see how we both end up changing and inspiring each other.

See you soon, my little man.

Much love,

Mom 

Third Trimester Revelations: Part 2

With just 6.5 weeks left of my pregnancy journey, I’ve come to realize a few more fun facts about my journey and experience.

The pregnancy journey can change who you are and your outlook on life.

“Oh yeah- I’m definitely going to work,” I said confidently. “I could NEVER stay at home with my kid all day. I would go crazy. I mean, I think it’s absolutely amazing and admirable that some women are full-time moms. That’s a huge job. But I’m not sure it’s for me. I need to work and talk to people and have grown up conversations.”

My sister just smiled. As a mother of two boys, she knows differently.

“It’s going to be harder than you think,” she said. “Returning to work will, that is.”

“Oh, I’ll be fine!” I said. “I’ll probably be ready to go back!”

That was 30 weeks ago.

Now approaching 34 weeks, the thought of leaving my little man in the hands of someone else makes me want to cry. Or puke. Maybe both.

And he isn’t even here yet.

So, my sister is absolutely right. Leaving little Cooper will be so much harder than I originally thought. Now don't get me wrong...working is still important to me. And I definitely plan on going back to work. But my outlook has changed.

I realized that I will bawl my eyes out when I walk from the door.

I realized that I probably won’t WANT to return to work....

But I know that my awesome coworkers will have a pumpkin spice latte and hugs waiting for me when I get to the office.

The journey through pregnancy is amazing – and truly does change you as a person. And I have yet to truly uncover HOW I will change as a person. I often wonder how different I will become after Cooper arrives. Only time will tell…

Drugs vs. No Drugs is a daily conversation.

To be honest, I’d love to deliver naturally. My mom had all four children naturally and Justin’s mom delivered naturally as well. My sister had her first son naturally. Now, I pass NO judgment to women who get epidurals. In fact, I might be one of them because I am not 100% opposed to getting an epidural either …I mean…a small pumpkin is coming out of my vagina. And tearing – that’s a real deal.  A scary deal.

So when it comes to drugs vs. no drugs – I’m trying to have an open mind. And let my experience determine my decision. I could end up like the woman on What to Expect When You’re Expecting who has a wonderful delivery and sneezes to push her twins out. (Unlikely and if I push out twins, we have bigger issues to worry about).

But either way, I know I'll look like this:

Me in a few short weeks.

I don’t have a birth plan.

Shocked, aren't you? I know, I know - I am such a planner! But...

So many pieces of this puzzle are out of my control. 

With that in mind, you know what my birth plan is? Have a healthy baby and make it out alive. So, I guess that's kind of a plan. 

I’d love to have my water break naturally- when I am walking around the mall or walking with Justin and Bandit around the block.

I’d love to relax and just walk around my house showering and putting on make-up like Kortney Kardashin did before heading to the hospital. 

I’d love to have Bandit by my side the entire time. Seriously though – can he come?

"This is my service dog, Bandit. We just lost his blue jacket."

I’d love to have John Mayer music playing in the background.

Or enjoy a hot bath to fight through the pain.

But you know what? I honestly don’t even know what to expect. I mean, I know what to expect in the grand scheme of things….but  I have no idea what to plan for….so I'm going in with an open mind.

I'll pray.

Ask lots of questions.

Walk around when I can.

And eat a big meal before I go to the hospital. Otherwise, I’ll be a hangry monster to everyone who crosses my path.

Story of my life.

I’m enjoying every little moment I have left during this pregnancy.

Cooper has been moving around like CRAZY lately. I mean, Loch Ness Monster style. Justin even felt him moving around before bed the other night, which made my heart so happy because Justin has only felt Cooper kick one other time.

There are days when I am swollen.

Crazy swollen feet update: My feet look AWESOME. I'm not swollen at all right now. My lack of swelling is probably a combination of the cooler weather, watching my sodium / diet, being my active, wearing comfortable grandma sandals, and propping my feet up!  

My feet looking "thin" today.

And more days when I have heartburn that stops me in my tracks.

Truth. Fart burn WOULD be worse.

There are days when I feel pressure and cramping down there because he is preparing for the “Big Splash” as my UK coworker once said.

There are days when I piss my pants because I sneeze, laugh, or simply don’t make it to the bathroom in time.

There are days when I am bottomless pit and eat so much that I am convinced I have another food baby inside of me.

But every day – every single day – I take a few minutes to place my hands on my belly, close my eyes, and enjoy the moment that I am experiencing.

I have two hearts beating inside of me. 

I have a tiny little person full of personality (I’m sure), amazing dance moves (obviously), and a bright future growing inside of me.

It’s absolutely amazing.

And in those moments, I ignore all of the side effects and emotional breakdowns I’ve had….and I just remind myself how truly blessed we are to experience the miracle of life.

See you soon, Coop!

Much love,
Ashley

P.S. Here is Part 1 of my (Early) Third Trimester Revelations. 

Favorite Outfit Friday: July 19

Despite how AWFUL and painful my feet looked yesterday, they did not fall off last night!

Victory.

I promise my feet look worse than they actually felt.

Even though I slightly panicked after reading through a few comments on my picture, I got some really good tips for helping with the swelling:

• Check your BP with the swelling gets bad.
• Get compression socks.
• Rock some TED hose (not sure what those are...will be Googling them later).
• Wrap your feet in cabbage (my friend swears it works)
• STAY CALM (everything is probably OK - Thanks for this reminder / tip Mindy...)

Most importantly, you guys helped me realize swelling feet is a normal side effect of being pregnant in the summer (for the most part). And I'm not alone.

I went checked my BP (it was a little higher than normal, but not by much), went home to relax, had dinner with a good friend, and then went to bed early! My poor little feet look much better today.

Speaking of today, Bandit and I are twins! 

My boys.

Spots on spots on spots. 

And of course, I am rocking my bow tie necklace today!

The bump gets bigger by the second.
Well, at least the day.

I left the house without my coupon for Motherhood Maternity. Obviously, I am spending my lunch break shopping for some clothes that fit me - see above - spotted T-shirt barely fits.

So, I ran back into the house and grabbed it. 

I blew Justin a kiss and said, "Just shopping on my lunch break and forget my coupon- love you!" 

He lifted his head from the pillow and blew a kiss into the air. 

"And I am just kissing my money goodbye," he said.

Happy wife, happy life. Remember that, bud! :)

Happy Friday you guys! 

Do what makes you happy today!!!  

Unless, of course, what makes you happy is illegal or could harm other people. In which case, you need to find a different hobby.

Much love, 

Ashley 

What Will Cooper Look Like?

Here is what the "Morphing Experts" predict:

Much love,
Ashley

Cravings

My number one craving is thin crust taco pizza from the Decatur, IN Pizza Hut. 

With lots of ranch dressing and hot sauce. 

Thankfully, that craving would take 4 hours of driving time - aka not going to happen! 

And this is my number two craving: 

Much love, 

Ashley 

Crash Into Me: Our Love Story

I drove his Jeep to work this morning. The AC is broken, which meant I was cruising with the windows down- all four windows – on my way to work.

His radio is broken too. So I plugged my iPhone into his cassette adapter and listened to Pandora.

The first song that came on was “Crash” by Dave Matthew’s Band. 

I instantly thought of the first night Justin and I met.

Our first photo!!!

How we crashed into each other so unexpectedly. 

I was not ready for a relationship. Well, emotionally anyway. But I guess I was always the girl secretly looking for that “once in a lifetime” love – but after so many heartbreaks, I was fragile. 

And broken. 

Oh, so broken.

And I suppose I wasn’t ready to “settle down” – it’s funny looking back at my former self. 

I was so stubborn and independent. 

I think Justin would argue that I still am both of those traits.  

But I was convinced I would move to New York City. 

I would be a columnist or author like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & the City.

Or become the next Oprah Winfrey. 

Or write novels like Stephen King – only my novels wouldn’t be horror stories. They’d be inspiring love stories or hilarious tales from a single woman’s hilarious life in a big city. 

Maybe I’d have kids. 

Maybe I wouldn’t. 

But if you’d ask me when I was 19, I would tell you kids aren’t for me. 

I glanced down at my belly.

My 8 month pregnant belly. 

It’s amazing how people can change you – in a good way, of course. 

And it’s amazing how your expectations and dreams can also change. 

I started to think back to the moments in our relationship that defined us. That shaped our future.

That first night we met.

We were just 19 years old.

Babies. 

We were just babies – trying to figure out who we were and what we wanted to do with life.

I’ll never forget that night. What we wore. The first words out of his mouth. Our first kiss (yeah, it was that night – sorry for being so classy, mom). 

We won our first game of beer pong together. I told him he was my soulmate. Little did I know, I was right.

 I had found my soulmate that night in a dirty college basement.

The night we crashed into each other.

The night that shaped my future. 

One single night.

Just a few short months later, I knew I loved him. I hated every second I was away from him. I wanted to sleep next to him every night. I wanted to see his face every single morning. I wanted to eat every meal with him. I wanted to tell him every story about my day. I simply wanted to share every moment with him.

I remember one night we were studying for an all-nighter together.

I looked over at him.

He looked so handsome.

He didn’t know I was watching him. He had his glasses on and he was deep into reading his text book.. His hair was longer. His eyebrow was pierced back then too.

Justin had more piercings than me. Kidding, but really.

I love this man. 

I had only known him a few short months, but I felt it with every inch of soul. I knew I never wanted to experience a second of this life without him by my side. 

He caught me staring at him.

Oh crap! Look down!

“What?” he asked and smiled.

“Nothing,” I said and quickly pretended to be reading again. 

Who wants to read about tribes in South Africa for their Anthropology class when love is on the mind?

I couldn’t be the first to say “I love you” – even I though WAS the one who said it first a few weeks later.  I was getting ready to pick up a friend from the airport and I stopped by to drop off something. He gave me a hug and kiss goodbye then I turned around and yelled, “See you later! Love you!”

We just starred at each other without moving. 

Yup, I just said it. Those three small words with such a big meaning. 

But I pretended I didn’t say it.  

He pretended not to hear it. 

And then we later joked about it. 

Just a few days later, he told me he loved me as I was crying my eyes out because my car got towed.

“This stupid girl said I could park there!” I said bawling. “How can I even afford this?!”

“Don’t worry, baby!” Justin said. “I can help you out.”

I looked at him with tears overflowing my eyes and he said, “I love you!” 

But he said it so quickly that it sounded like one single word. We joke about that all the time too.

I have many other memories and moments in our relationship that melt my heart. 

The time he borrowed someone’s car in a HUGE snow storm just to get to Marsh and cook me dinner. 

Our first Valentine's Day dinner together.

My boo.

The time he took care of me when I felt like I was dying from my wisdom teeth surgery. 

Wisdom teeth removal = the worst.

Our first vacation to Florida together (I was kind of an asshole, but he stuck with me). 

Beach babes.

One of my favorites.

 We always joke that if we could survive that trip together – we can survive anything....

We have so many firsts.

The first and only time I wore shamrock earrings.

Sure, we have bad days. 

And we are both guilty of saying things we don't mean.

We're human.

We aren't perfect.

But I do believe we are perfect (as perfect can be) for each other.

It’s easy to forget those moments and memories when stresses and worries from the day cloud my mind. 

But this morning, my mind was clear as the sky. 

My windows were down.

And I couldn’t help but be extremely thankful for the day that Justin and I met.

The day I fell in love with him.

Our first all nighter!

The day I actually told him I loved him.

We look so young!

The day he proposed.

Cheers to a perfect day!

Even though he actually proposed on my 21st birthday with a cocktail shrimp!

I said YES!

The day we got married.

Such an incredible day...

The day we found out I was pregnant.

Baby Sieb!

And every single day in between.

Love in a nutshell.

Love (in all forms and capacities) is truly what life is all about…plain and simple. 

Thank you for making me a better person, Justin. I can't tell you how happy I feel looking through all of these old pictures and thinking about all of our great memories. I know we have many, many more to come...I love you.

Much love,

Ashley

Relaxed

I'm feeling relaxed. 

And happy. 

And above all - anxious to meet our little man! 

Much love, 

Ashley