Success Tastes Salty

Usually the night before a race, I am a wreck.

I am worried sick and over-analyzing every mile.

I panic over my pace...worried the struggle bus will pick me up!

But on Friday night, I was the complete opposite. I was relaxed (well as relaxed as I'm capable of feeling) and most importantly, I was excited. I even went Happy Hour for a few drinks right after work, which was a blast. The laughs were much needed after a long week.

When I got home, I quickly packed my bags for a sleepover with the girls. Carla made an incredible dinner: two kids of pasta, bruschetta, salad, and pumpkin cheesecake.

Carb Heaven.

And unlike any other race before, I spent the night before drinking wine and laughing with my new and old friends.

My sign: Success tastes salty, not sweet.

And Carla surprised all of the girls with hats, gloves, and socks!

Carla and I stayed up late watching "Raising Helen" and talking about our boys, work, family, health, children, Joe Biden's smile, friendship, knitting, and the race- not necessarily in that order. I also learned that Carla has done 14 half marathons, how awesome is she!?

Anyway, we decided our marathon relay was 100% about having fun and cheering on our girls. I said I wasn't out for a personal best, even though I secretly wanted to hit my goal pace and finish around an hour. Our team name was ROY G BIV. And we all decided to dress like a color in the rainbow (obviously).

Race Morning

Despite having a "stress free night", I woke up race morning anxious. I was in full blown "Ashley Stress Out" mode, which means:

• I couldn't find my cell phone. Thankfully I wasn't driving or I would have lost my keys too.
• I misplaced my safety pins for my bib number.
• I forgot to charge my iPod the night before.
  
•  I realized I didn't bring my comfortable running underwear (stay tuned for more info on that one).

Carla, knowing me better than I know myself sometimes, was perfect at calming me down. She helped me find my phone, get my safety pins, wait while I charged my iPod, and well- I left the underwear concern to myself.

Before the race! ROY G BIV girls!

Here We Go

The relay had four legs:

Leg 1: 5 miles (Me- purple)

Leg 2: 7.5 miles (Lindsay- pink)

Leg 3: 6.55 miles (Carla- green)

Leg 4: 7.15 miles (Jami- yellow / neon)

Walking to the start line, I was flooded with emotions. My running journey has been incredible, and this race is where it all started two years ago. I had two great friends by my side as I completed 13.1 miles for the first time in my life. And on Saturday, I had 3 more friends by my side as we tackled 26.2 miles together.

Carla walking with me to my corral!

Before I entered my corral, we all put our hands together and did a loud cheer together. Our chant was the perfect way to say goodbye before I kicked off the race. And then I was alone- stuck inside my own head.

When should I start my music? I asked myself.

Should I start it now? Well, what if I miss people cheering for me before I cross the start line and it looks like I am blowing people off.

Okay, I'll start when I cross the start line. But what if I am too focused on trying to start my music and I trip over the rugs? Then I'll get trampled all over and die.

 Just start it now.

No, no- just wait until you are a quarter mile in!

Just then, I heard the girls yell my name. I turned back and waved to them. A few seconds later, I heard my name again.

Am I hearing voices inside my head?

No, sure enough I did hear my name again and my friend Kiersten came running up to me. She was running her first half marathon! She looked incredible! I heard she ended up killing her first half marathon and finished strong. I'm so proud of her...and honored that she said I was an inspiration to her during her first half marathon journey.

"I saw someone dancing and I knew it was you." - Kiersten, as she came running up to me

We parted ways and I was alone again.

It was just me, the adorable old lady next to me, and my iPod- which I still didn't know when I should start playing it. Despite my anxious mind, I took a few minutes to soak in my surroundings. I looked around at the beautiful leaves changing colors, happy faces, dancing old ladies, and families cheering on their loved ones in the race.

Beautiful Fall morning.

Leg One

One minute into my run and I was miserable. Why?
Well, my shirt was riding up my stomach, so I had to keep adjusting it.

And remember how I forgot my comfortable running underwear? Well, the pair I had decide to ride down my butt  and were slowly rolling into a thong. Honestly, I've never been so uncomfortable. Ever.

I was getting hot, so I wanted to ditch my gloves and hat immediately. As I was doing so, I ripped my earphones out and one of them broke.

You can't be serious right now...

Just then, I ran into a friend from high school - Ashlee. We chatted for a few minutes and then I couldn't handle my situation for another second.

"I'm so sorry, Ash," I said. "But I have to pull off the course to get my life together."

I hopped onto the sidewalk and then:

• Ripped off my hat and gloves.
• Pulled down my shirt and prayed it would stop riding up (or I would stop noticing it).
• Attemped to fix my earphones. 
• And most importantly, adjusted my underwear.

Finally, I was ready to run again, so I jacked up my iPod...and my pace!

Running with music was awesome. I put my iPod on shuffle and tried my best not to watch the clock. And I purposely didn't turn on my Run Keeper app.

Around mile two, I seriously considered going into the bathroom and just ripping off my underwear. Hulk Hogan style.

But, I didn't want the clock against me so I kept running.

I maintained a pretty consistent pace, despite a few walking breaks and hills.

Around mile 4, I ran into Carla and her boyfriend, Alec. When Carla saw me, she started screaming loudly. Her loud cheers were the PERFECT pick me up. She started jumping up and down like she was at a Backstreet Boys concert and said, "You are doing AMAZING."

She jumped in to run with me and said, "Look at how fast you're going. And look at your little booty, you look incredible!"

She slapped my butt, wished me luck, and ran back to Alec.

I didn't know how much longer I had, so I looked at my watch and decided I would take a 30 second walking break - just to stretch out my legs and fix my underwear (obviously).

Five seconds later, I ran into Jami (my other teammate).

"YEAHHHHH ASHLEY!" Jami yelled.

I ran over to her and gave her a high five.

"You're so close, Ash! Just right up the road and you're there- finish strong."

So much for that walking break. 

I laughed and then kicked it into high gear.

The mile 5 sign kept getting closer and closer...and I could see that I was minutes away from an hour! I was going to hit my secret goal!

The moment I saw Lindsay, I sprinted up to her. I was pleasantly surprised with the strength I still had inside me. I felt like I could have kept running- yet another good sign my upcoming half marathon will go well.

Lindsay and I switched the ankle tracker, exchanged encouraging words, and then she was off to tackle the longest leg of our course.

Nailed it.

I finished around 1:05, which included the time it took to transfer the ankle tracker to Lindsay. Either way, the official race pace put me at 13 minute miles. My last half marathon pace was exactly 14:28 minute miles...needless to say, I was ecstatic!!! 

Becoming a Cheerleader

The rest of the day, I was a cheerleader.

I cheered my teammates- who ROCKED their legs. I even got the chance to run with Lindsay during the final minutes of her leg. She was FLYING, so I was surprised I could keep up. I was so insanely proud with how all of the girls did. I think everyone walked away from their leg feeling accomplished and pleased with their pace. 

I cheered for friends I spotted on the course (Cindy, Emily, Meghan, and Amy, to name a few).

And, I cheered for complete strangers.

A few times, I got so emotional just watching the expression on people's face as they approached the finish line. And by "a few times," I mean I cried at least 10 times.

I loved watching the expression on people's face change when you told them something encouraging. You could tell when your shouts gave them that extra burst of confidence to finish strong.

Some people were happy.

Most people were in pain.

A handful of people were crying - probably both from happiness and pain.

The End To Be Continued

Jami had a strong ending for the ROY G BIV girls. I toyed with the idea of jumping in with her to cross the finish line together, but honestly she was FLYING and I didn't know if I could keep up with her. My heel was hurting and my muscles were tight.

"Jami, you're amazing!" I shouted. "Great finish!!!"

Medals and smiles.

Together, we completed the marathon in 5:02.

And we immediately started making plans for next year.

Thank you so much to everyone who cheered us on - your tweets, Facebook messages, text messages, and phone calls meant the world to me. And most importantly, I couldn't have done this race without such amazing, strong, and inspiring women by my side.

Less than two weeks and I'll tackle my fifth half marathon. Our marathon relay was a huge confidence boaster. And don't worry- I'll buy new headphones and wear my comfortable underwear. Some things you just learn the hard way...

Much love,
Ashley

Don't Be Afraid to Fail

My friend Megan emailed me last night. My heart filled with happiness knowing that she took the time to think of me...and wanted to make me feel better. In fact, the response from everyone yesterday was so amazing and overwhelming....

I can't even tell you how many times I've read each of these comments.
I'm so blessed to call each and every one of you a friend.
xoxo.

Here is what Megan said in her email:

Hi Ashley,

This is what is on our fridge and I need to read it all the time...

Don't Be Afraid to Fail

You’ve failed many times, although you may not remember.

You fell down the first time you tried to walk.

You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim, didn’t you?

Did you hit the ball the first time you swung a bat?

Heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also strike out a lot.

R.H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York caught on.

English novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books.

Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs.

Don’t worry about failure.

Worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.

I cried - because that's what I do best with people inspire and motivate me. And then I thanked her for the kind email, which came at the most perfect timing.

Worrying about failure is a huge fault of mine. Even though it took years to see it and even more years to admit it, I'm a perfectionist.  I like need everything not just accurate and correct on the first try- but PERFECT on the first try.

But life isn't always perfect....

I am not always perfect...

And failing is simply part of life.

Because failure teaches you lessons. 

Failure helps you appreciate the journey, not just the destination.

Failing at something makes you stronger and wiser.

And as I think about my blog post yesterday, running a half marathon instead of a full marathon is not a failure. Not even close. But next time when I start to train for a full marathon, I won't be afraid of failing. And most importantly:

I won't let failure win.  

And this message doesn't just apply to running my half marathon in November. It applies to everything. And probably something you're experiencing right now too...Work, school, health, marriage, friendships, financials, goals, dreams - whatever you're going through...just think of this blog post. 

Don't worry about failure.  

Don't worry about anything.

Just believe in yourself, focus on the journey, and give it everything you have to come out on top!

Much love,
Ashley

The Decision

I've been trying to write this blog post for nearly a week. I made my decision last week. And here is why:

Monday, September 10:

The scale said 224 lbs.

I closed my eyes and tears quickly filled them.

I was hoping if my eyes were closed, the tears would stay inside.

But that's the problem...I've been keeping too much worry and fear inside.

And the number on the scale proves it.

What happened?

Why did you let yourself go?

Why didn't you catch yourself earlier?

I walked downstairs after I fixed my smeared make-up.

"I've gained some weight," I said to Justin.

He looked up at me from my computer.

"I'm going to lock that scale in the gun safe," Justin said. "Or bury it in the backyard."

I smiled. I knew he was trying to cheer me up...to remind me that a number doesn't determine WHO I am. But, easier said than done.

"Please don't," I finally said. "But I've got to do something, especially after everything that happened with Uncle Jerry today."

My Uncle Jerry was admitted into the hospital last week for chest pain. Today (September 20th) he is having a quad bypass survey. He'll turn 47 years old tomorrow. The same age that my Uncle LJ was when he passed away from a heart attack in June.

"Listen, I don't care if you run 26 miles or 2 miles, Ashley," Justin said. "I care that you're healthy. I care that you don't have a heart attack or diabetes in your 40s. I care that I grow old you with you."

I sat there and didn't know how to respond, but Justin was right.

He was absolutely right.

"You're so afraid that you'll fail at this race that you've just let everything start to slow down," Justin said. "You aren't going to the gym as much and you aren't eating as healthy as you used to. And it's because you're afraid."

Right again.

"I am afraid," I said. "I am not prepared for this race because I've missed a few too many long runs. I could work harder to make the time, but I feel like I don't have the time. I feel like I am spread so thin..."

"Well that's because you're out trying to save the world every night," Justin said. "Which is what I love about you the most, but you do need to make time for you."

I need to make time for me.

I need to make time for marathon training.

But I haven't made time for either...

And I'm afraid now I don't have the time to play "catch up."

So, I've made the decision that I'm doing the half marathon on November 3, 2012.

Deciding to NOT do the full marathon was an extremely hard decision. I hate committing to something and then backing down.

But, I'm simply not prepared.

I'm not ready.

And I want my first full marathon to be an amazing experience. I want to be prepared. I want to be well-trained. I want to cross the finish line in one piece.

"I'll still do the half-marathon," I told Justin. "And I'm going to get my PR finally!"

2:45.

I've aimed for this number every single time.

And I'll hit this finishing time on November 3.

Or do better.

In the meantime, I'm making big efforts to clear my "plate."

We are retiring from DJing. Being a wedding DJ is so much extra stress, time, travel, and planning.

I'm also cutting back on my extra curricular activities. 

I am slowly, very slowly, learning how to say "NO."

And while saying "NO" to the full marathon this Fall was a huge and hard decision, I believe that it's the right decision.

More importantly, I believe in my heart that I'll have an amazing half marathon experience, which will give me the courage and strength to pursue a full marathon very soon.

Scale update: I'm back down to 214!! Maybe all that stress and worry really was weighing me down...

Much love,
Ashley