I Shouldn't Have Looked

I shouldn't have looked.

But I did.

I guess it wouldn't matter though...because my doctor brought it to my attention anyway.

My weight.

The number on the scale.

I was doing SO good for the first five months.

Then, I started to let myself go.

Cupcakes? No problem.

Bacon? Absolutely.

Cheese? On everything please.

Mountain Dew? Yes, let's do the dew.

Working out? Pshhh I'll do that tomorrow.

Then you add in the past two weeks.

First, there was Chicago, which meant I was eating out and snacking on Garrett's popcorn.

Then, there was the week of ALL day meetings and evening events (reading between the lines - I had pizza, Qdoba, and Yats for lunches followed by dinners out with my team).

I knew what was coming.

I knew the number would be high.

But not that high. I simply wasn't ready for it.

If you've followed my blog, you know weight loss has ALWAYS been a popular topic. And I've had my ups and downs....and I've picked myself up countless times.

But this time -I'm growing a baby. A little tiny human. Someone who needs me to be healthy and active. Not just during pregnancy, but as a mother as well.

You want to know the number, don't you?

I thought about not telling you, honestly I did. I thought about hiding this secret all together. And maybe not even telling Justin...But writing about my feelings. Being open. Being honest. That's how I heal. That's how I deal.

First, I'll tell you that I gained 11 lbs in ONE MONTH!!! That's an average of 2.5 lbs a week. 

Barf.

Second, I'll...tell...you....the number on the scale.

267.

YIKES!

That puts me at 29 lbs gained for this pregnancy. And remember how my goal for the ENTIRE pregnancy was to gain between 25 and 30 lbs?

Oops. 

The doctor measured my belly and asked how I was feeling.

She found little Cooper's heartbeat, which makes my heart so happy every time, and said, "You've got a happy baby in there!"

I was so happy to hear that his heartbeat is great + he is moving around + loving life.

My placenta is in the front, which makes it really hard for Justin (and sometimes me) to feel him moving around. Sometimes I get worried, but then he will kick me ...that's his way of telling me to calm down. Everything is fine.

"Well, my darling, your blood pressure is great, but.."

I could have finished the sentence for her. I had be sitting in the exam room the whole time. Starring straight at the ceiling. Fidgeting all over the place. Analyzing everything I'd eaten over the last month.

"It looks like you have a spike in your weight," she said.

I came clean about everything.

Admitted to my poor diet and exercise habits.

She was pleased that I was honest. She said some woman just act like they're in denial and say, "I have no clue how that happened!"

"Well the good news is you know what happened," she said. "And you have the tools and resources to bring things back on track. I don't want you to lose weight at all. But just try to exercise again and have a healthier diet. Let's try to see you gain under one pound each week."

So instead of feeling sorry for myself and stopping by Flying Cupcake, I drove my happy butt to Whole Foods. I was supposed to get free lunch at work (Fazoli's aka carbs, carbs, and MORE carbs) - but I turned it down. Yes, that's right. I turned it down.

IF I TURN DOWN FREE FOOD THAT IS A BIG DEAL!

I went to the salad bar and created the most amazing salad I've had in months. I stayed away from the bacon, eggs, cheese, and ranch dressing - which are my usual salad toppings of choice. Instead, I loaded up on mixed greens, quinoa, wild rice (don't ask - it sounded good and WAS good), pumpkin seeds, yellow squash, grilled chicken, and just a few croutons. For my dressing, I sprinkled on some olive oil then purchased some pesto, which I added later!

Bam. Nailed it.

It was AMAZING!

I also picked up some fresh green beans (my current favorite veggie) and just a little bit of the organic mac and cheese (just a little bit though...and the fact it was organic + not very cheesy made me feel better about life).

Perfect combination if you ask me.

I even had some leftovers.

See Ashley, eating healthy CAN be satisfying and fill you up.

I'm not being hard on myself. Some people might comment that I'm pregnant and shouldn't worry about this...but the reality is, when the doctor tells you (in polite terms) to get your shit together and eat better and exercise more, you need to do it.
 
So, here goes nothing. We've got about 11 weeks left (ummm that seems so short). I've got this...I know exactly what I need to do to maintain my weight better and stay active.

Much love,
Ashley

The Result of a 1,160 Calorie Black Bean Burger

I kept my word and created a meal plan for the week.

I was even more inspired to create my meal plan after I had a 1,160 calorie BLACK BEAN BURGER! I'm serious, you guys. TGIF's black bean burger (without a side) has 1,160 calories.

I nearly signed up for a full marathon on the SPOT. 

And sodium? Let's not talk about how the burger had 2,350+ milligrams of sodium!

Not to mention, I instantly had buyers regret...I could have ordered a bacon cheeseburger and had less calories.

That's jacked. I felt so betrayed!

So anyway, meal planning (and stalking calories BEFORE I order) will hopefully help me keep my calories, diet, and emotional eating on track!

Monday:

Breakfast- Special K

Lunch- Jimmy Johns #6 veggie sandwich (no mayo!!) and leftover couscous

Dinner- sausage and potatoes

Snacks- fiber bar, fresh fruit, cottage cheese

Tuesday:

Breakfast- Special K

Lunch- sausage and potatoes

Dinner-turkey meatloaf, cauliflower mashed potatoes andgreen beans (I am making this ALL on my own via my Year of New plans! Wish me luck!!)

Snacks- fiber bar, cottage cheese, carrots with hummus

Wednesday:

Breakfast- Special K

Lunch- turkey meatloaf and leftover veggies

Dinner- ranch pork chops and steamed broccoli and salad

Snacks- fiber bar, veggies with hummus  

Thursday:

Breakfast- Special K

Lunch- pork chops and salad

Dinner- shrimp enchiladas

Snacks- fiber bar and veggies with hummus

Friday: 

Breakfast- Special K

Lunch-out

Dinner- whole wheat pasta with olive oil and grilledchicken, asparagus, pine nuts, and parmesan cheese

Snacks- cottage cheese, fruit and fiber bar

I'll let you know how everything goes...

Message me on Facebook, tweet me @AshleySieb, or email me ambedwell@gmail.com if you have any ideas or recipes for next week! A special thank you to those who've already sent me their meal planning ideas and recipes. 

Much love,
Ashley

I Need a Plan

I'm a planner.

It's in my DNA.

I'm notorious for asking, "What's our game plan!?"

I just need to know what to expect at all times (part of my control freak / perfectionism ways).

My "game plan ways" are especially true when it comes to eating.

I will wake up at 8 a.m.and NEED to know what I am eating for lunch and dinner.

"What sounds good for dinner tonight, babe?" I will ask Justin while getting ready for work.

"Ashley- it's 6:45 in the morning!" Justin will say. "Let a man eat breakfast first."

"So, how does Sushi sound?" I ask ignoring his comment. 

With all of these Patty Planner habits of mine, I'm amazed that I don't have a "game plan" for my meals.

I was chatting with my friend Ashley, who hit her lowest weight since freshmen year of high school. Boom. By the way- so proud of you, Ash.

Anyway, I discovered that my biggest problem is that I don't plan out my meals.

I am talking about sitting down on a Sunday morning, writing out my week of meals and snacks, and then going grocery shopping.

Making a plan.

Writing it out.

And most importantly, sticking it out!

So tomorrow, I have a plan to make a plan. 

Let's do this!

Do you plan out your meals?

What does next week look like for you!?

I'd love to hear your recipes or any advice.

Much love,
Ashley

How The Paleo Diet Turned Into a Cookie Binder

"Ashley, what ever happened to your Paleo diet?!" - you

Great question...I'm glad you asked.

My failed attempt at eating like a cave man lasted four days (at best).

And as a result, I ended up eating cookies for breakfast the following week. I don't know how "healthy eating for 4 days" turned into a cookie binder, but some things are just unexplainable.

I didn't go into Paleo thinking I would be 100% committed to the diet, but I wanted something to keep me balanced. And I loved that I could find Paleo specific recipes and read Paleo blogs! Or follow Paleo people on Twitter! Basically, I'm a marketers dream ...despite being a marketer myself...

Turns out, Paleo isn't for me.

I felt too much pressure to eat and exercise "by the book."

I like frozen yogurt.

I like sweet potatoes.

I like nuts (I know, I laughed when I wrote this line too).

And I like whole grain & brown rice.

All of these foods are on the "do not eat" list with Paleo.

Now, my short time on Paleo did teach me that I should try to follow my diet 80% of the time. And learn to pick healthier options or eat more balanced meals whenever possible.

I've eaten more fruit in the last month than ever before!! And I'm very focused on portion control!

And you may recall, that I had a true face-off with a cheese ball the other day at my office.

I'm happy to report that I did NOT eat even a single bite of the cheese ball.

Are you proud?? Don't be...

Instead, I ended up eating some cheddar flavored popcorn and grabbing a cookie later in the day!

Butttt I ate healthy the rest of the day...

So, what's my final verdict?

Paleo wasn't a true failure.

Why?! You ate 45 cookies this month. - you (with added dramatic emphasis like me)

Well, I learned a few things about myself and my eating habits.

Most importantly, I learned that one bad snack doesn't mean you should eat bad for an entire day or week.

As long as you stay focused and dedicated the rest of your day (aka eat your veggies and fruits and lean protein + get off your booty & exercise) one small cookie a day will not be a deal breaker.

You got this.

We got this...

Much love,
Ashley

How to Hide Your Food Baby

I know what you're thinking....

Where have you been this week, Ashley?

Why aren't you posting more instagrams of your food?

Why haven't you been tracking all your meals in My Fitness Pal?

Well, the answer is simple.

I completely BOMBED on my "diet" this week.

Big. Time.

It started with a few pieces of shredded cheese in my salad. Just like a crackhead, those little pieces of cheese were all I needed to spiral down into a binder.

Tuesday was Birthday Bagel day at work. So naturally, I had no will power and ate one...And that lead to eating popcorn with chunks of bacon and Parmesan cheese (yes, you heard me...and it was amazing).

Next was the pepperoni pizza...

And let's not even TALK about the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger I ate on Thursday.

And all of that just set the tone for my work holiday party where I ate 3 peppermint and chocolate cake balls, bbq pulled pork (at least I didn't eat the bun...can I get some bonus points for that "carb free" attempt?), buffalo chicken dip, and beer. Well, I think I had a few pieces of fruit at the party too- so that's about the only healthy thing I ate all week.

I know, I know...now you're wondering WHY!?

You did so good last week, Ashley.

How did this happen?

The answer (again) is simple.

I am addicted to food.

I love food.

When I'm sad, I eat.

When I'm stressed, I eat.

And when I'm happy, I eat.

But because you read my blog, you already know this about me.

Eventually...

One day...

(I hope)...

Food won't control my life.

And when I do "eat my emotions" - I'll go for happier options.

"I AM SO STRESSED OUT- someone give a head of broccoli!" - Ashley in the future

But despite my week of awful eating, I only gained .5 lbs.

So, I'm sitting around 217 lbs.

DO NOT ask me how.

Because honestly, I thought I was going to step on the scale and gain 15 lbs.

And please DO NOT take this as a sign of inspiration to eat whatever you want...because honestly, I just got lucky.

Or my scale is broken.

So, my weight loss journey continues!!

Full steam ahead my friends! 

***

Today, I went shopping for my work Christmas party dress.

I wanted something green; that was my only requirement. 

My first destination was Old Navy, which is where my food baby came to life.

Food baby. 5 months.

Roll out.

OBVIOUSLY I ripped this dress off as quickly as I put it on.

The style of this dress was NOT flattering.

Because the dress is tight at the top and then flows out toward the bottom, it made me look bigger than I really am. And the dress was really thin, which made my leggings / underwear lines show...not impressive.

The best part about this shopping trip? I did not cry when I saw this picture.

Perhaps, old Ashley would have cried...but I'm feeling more and more confident in my own skin each day...I love my curves.

I'm proud of my figure.

So, I reminded myself that I needed a different style for my body.

Next, I went to Express and instantly loved this dress on the hanger.

And when I put this dress on, I realized it was PERFECT for my figure!

Food baby ...be GONE!

Kim K. booty say what?!

Now, I usually don't wear animal print. BUT I was feeling frisky, so I tried this one too (same dress, different pattern):

I sent this picture to my husband, who replied and said: "Just put on some hot pink leggings and you'll look like LMFAO."

So, the winner is....

I felt so skinny and fit.
No photoshopping required.

The dress is tighter all around, which hugs my curves in all the right places.

The black strips down the side hide my love handles.

The material is thicker, so you can't see my legging lines.

And this dress was 40% off!

It's perfect.

The trick to hiding your food baby is realizing and accepting the strengths of your body. 

So, the next time you go shopping... 

Don't focus on weaknesses- who cares- everyone has something they don't like about their body.

Focus on your favorite features and work around those! And spending a little extra money helps because you will get better quality material and designs. But you don't have to spend much more...the first dress was $30 and the second dress was $43.

Worth it.

Much love,
Ashley

I Close My Eyes and Think of You

"I'm able to run my entire route without stopping now," my friend Sabrina told me last Friday.

"That's amazing!" I said. "I'm SO proud of you!"

"You want to know my secret?" she said.

"Obviously!" I said, smiling. 

"When I want to stop and give up, I close my eyes and think of you. I picture you crossing the finish line of your half marathons. It works every time!"

I smiled and part of me wanted to cry- because you know I'm good at that...but her story really touched my heart.

And I was filled with so much joy and happiness- knowing that when she is searching and digging deep to stay strong...she thinks of ME!

Me?

I was over the moon...

I've reminded myself of Sabrina and her story at least 40 times this week.

This week has been tough.

I'm hungry CONSTANTLY!

Literally, I was at the doctors office on Wednesday and I could hear my stomach grumbling over the Christmas music. And one time, a lady looked me as if I was about to birth a small cheese cube.

I MISS my Diet Coke.

I CRAVE cheese like a man craves sex (aka I think about cheese every 3 seconds). 

Just when I was about to have another break down, my friend Hannah sent me a message on Twitter.

She said:

"Just wanted to let you know I am beginning a fitness odyssey of my own and tonight I found out I lost my first three pounds! I've been reading your blog and getting lots of inspiration from you! When I am wheezing on the treadmill trying to run half a mile (not a joke) ...I think, "Ashley ran a f#!$ing MARATHON Hannah get your ass in gear" and it legit helps me keep going...So, I know you are always getting inspired by super fit people of your own, like your trainer, but I just wanted to let you know that you are MY super fit inspiration! THE END."  

Wait, did she have the right, Ashley?

Me?

That's the second person this week who made me feel like the happiest person in the world!

I wanted to reach through my computer and give Hannah the BIGGEST hug in the world.

Her message came at the most perfect time...

And to know, that she considers me her SUPER fit inspiration?

I'm just a chubby girl trapped in a skinny girls' mind. 

And Hannah thinks I am super fit?

I spent the rest of the evening smiling...

THEN I got this message the next afternoon from my friend Hillary:

"So, I came across a couple of blogs last Spring that I've saved on my laptop for when I decided I was going to finally "lose the weight." Not sure if you've heard of www.mamalaughlin.com, but she is freaking hilarious, and I think you might like her. It screams, "Bedwell" to me..

Also, this http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/Mademenus .. this girl has all of these menu options already made up, I think this is going to help me a lot. I know how to eat healthy, I'm fully aware, I just don't. And I don't make good decisions. And I feel awful and pathetic about it, but I think it's here... the DESIRE to finally get HEALTHY.

Which also brings me to you, your blogs, posts, etc. Such an inspiration, you are.. So glad I have someone awesome to look up to and relate to in different ways!

Hope you're having a great day! And hope you haven't been thinking about pepper jack cheese cubes dipped in ranch all day like me.. Well, maybe you are now lol"

I adore her. And yes, I probably was thinking of cheese cubes dipped in ranch 30 seconds before reading her message. 

But wait, there is more! 

This afternoon, I got an e-card from my lovely friend, Carla Jo.

 Carla left me this message:

"I am realizing this is going to be you shortly... so i'll make an exception :) Keep up the great work on the caveman. You are looking refreshed and healthy and toned! Your blog is helping me remember my portion control and helped me eat a banana today instead of popcorn. Love you and your face.
-Carla"

She completes me. And knows the key to my heart...but to be fair, I'm 100% sure my thighs will always touch when I run. 

But no matter my thigh size, I'm so blessed.

How did I ever get so lucky to have such AMAZING friends?

THANK YOU to everyone who has sent me emails (Brittany + Mel + Alexandra + Carla), tweets (Hannah + Amber + Hannah S.), comments on my blog post (Katy + Sonia + Annette + Stephanie + Chelsea + Sarah + Stephanie + Kami + Kelli + Beth + Justin), personal messages (Hilary + Katy), diet advice (Josh + Becca + Carolyn + Elizabeth).

Seriously, I'm overwhelmed by your love, support, and inspiration (sorry if I missed anyone!!).

I'm going strong.

I'm feeling great.

I'm learning willpower- and portion control (aka I ate the world's smallest burger today for lunch).

The burger was INCREDIBLE (and only two bites).
The vegetables sucked big time, but thankfully I ordered a side salad too.
And yes, I cheated by having ranch.

I've lost 11 lbs since last week (Biggest Loser style). 

And most importantly, I haven't locked myself in the pantry to hide in the corner + eat a block of cheese....sooo let's just chalk this week up as a SUCCESS...

And I couldn't have done it without you.


Much love,
Ashley

Power Breakfast!

Are you ready to become super jealous of my breakfast?

Strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and a cutie / tangerine. I washed my bowl of fresh fruit down with a glass of grapefruit juice!

All for 186 calories :)

So.Good.

My previous breakfast options included:

• Americano + Spinach and Feta Wrap: 293 calories
• Egg McMuffin + hashbrown: 450 calories

I am making giant strides my friends.

Also, I didn't have a food meltdown today.

Giant.

Strides.

Much love,

Ashley

I Want to Be Fat

"Leave me alone!" I screamed from the kitchen.

Justin laughed.

He was picking on me for my moody attitude. Why? Because I'm trying to take control of my diet. Instead of letting my lack of a diet control me.

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:
-Smiling So-Cal Omelette (not 100% Paleo approved)

Lunch:
-Mixed fruit (fresh strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and a banana)
-Qdoba Naked Chicken salad (lettuce, chicken, salsa, and guacamole only)

Dinner:
-Vegetable Soup  (no meat, no cheese, no nothing)
-Fruit Snacks

Snacks:
-Coffee
-1 Glass of white wine
-1 spoonful of peanut butter (not Paleo approved)

Total Calories: 1337

"Paleo can get f!$ked!" I said. "I'm not doing this anymore."

Justin laughed harder.

"ASHLEY!" he said. "It's only been ONE day!"

"I don't care!" I said. "I want to be fat."

Justin leaned over and gave me a hug.

I needed that...

Okay fine.

I don't want to be fat.
 
I want to be fit and healthy.

But I've already had my first breakdown.

Paleo is like a blind date.

I heard amazing things about Paleo.

Paleo looked good online.

A few of my friends "hooked up" with Paleo for at least a month.

But when Paleo walked into my life today and sat down on my kitchen table, I wanted to run away.

So here I am, pouting because dieting is hard.

But you already knew that, didn't you?

Tonight, I'm going to dream of bricks of cheese and mountains of mayonnaise.

And tomorrow, I'll keep up with my diet.

Because nothing tastes as good as fitness feels.

Much love,
Ashle

Smiling So-Cal Omelette

I've decided to call my newfound approach to eating (a fancy way to say diet) "Paleo Inspired."

My diet won't be 100% Paleo.

Why?

Well, I simply don't believe in cutting out ENTIRE food groups of your diet. I am a Marketer, not a Dietitian, but I believe food groups exist for a reason. And let's be real, I am not giving up coffee or wine until I have a small child growing inside of me.

With that in mind, I'd like to introduce you to my first Paleo inspired creation:

The Smiling So-Cal Omelette

 

What You Need:

• 3 eggs
• 1 avocado
• 1 tomato 
• 1-2 tablespoons of Package of goat cheese (not Paleo approved)
• Olive oil
• Bacon!!! (not Paleo approved)
  

Instructions:

1. Cook 2-3 slices of bacon on medium heat. I prefer the thick-sliced bacon, for obvious reasons.
2. While the bacon is cooking, pour yourself a glass of grapefruit juice (no sugar added).
3. Pre-heat a small frying pan on medium heat and add a little drip* of olive oil.
4. Crack two eggs into a small bowl and use the egg whites only. Crack open on more egg and keep the yolk this time. Blend the eggs together with a fork.
5. Pour the eggs on your small frying pan with olive oil. Cook the egg flat until golden brown (a few minutes), fold over, and finish cooking for 45 seconds. Place the omelette on a small plate and cut it down the middle.
6. Spread 1 tablespoon or so of goat cheese on each of the omelette halves.
7. Grab your tomato and cut two small slices for your omelette. Place one slice on each omelette halves.
8. Slice an avocado, and save half of it for later. Click here if you want tips on how to cut your avocado perfectly. Place two slices of the avocado on each of the omelette halves.
9. Finally, add your cooked bacon at the bottom of the plate and complete your smiling so-cal omelette. 

 *Ashley language for 1-2 tablespoons

Much love,
Ashley

Let The Paleo Begin

You guys, I just stepped on the scale at my dad's house and the number made me want to stop eating for a week. Or two. But that's not healthy. That lifestyle is old Ashley. So I need to change. Because I don't want to see this number ever again!

233 lbs.

I pretended to wonder how this could happen, but My Fitness Pal has all the answers.

High fat.

High carbs.

Low fruits.

Low veggies.

Low exercise and strength training!

And let's not get stared on all the food an booze I consumed yesterday, which I did not count up! My iPhone probably would have exploded from trying to calculate all the calories! Eeek!

And unlike the other times, I didn't cry...because I knew the scale wouldn't show me the number I wanted to see!

I'll be honest, though, I didn't expect to see 233 on that bad boy....

On Thanksgiving, Justin's cousin came to visit. I haven't seen her in two years, so when she walked in and her waist was the size of my thumb, I about died.

My Uncle Bob could tell I was upset about something so he smiled and wrapped his arms around me.

"What's wrong my Ash?!" He asked me.

"I mean seriously...just look at Cheryl!" I said, trying to whisper. "She looks incredible. And I just don't know how and why I try so hard and...and look like this..."

"Come on now, Ash! You look good. And you are healthy, right!?" He said.

"We'll yeah," I said. "I am pretty active! I have low cholesterol and my blood pressure is low too..."

"Listen kiddo," Uncle Bob said. "Don't worry about what you don't have...focus on what you do have!"

He was right. As always. I admire his wisdom and insight on life during all of our chats!

"You're right, Uncle B!" I said.

"I am right!" He said.

"No I know you are right!" I said laughing. "I believe you. And I have a lot to be thankful for...and a lot to focus on."

I don't have a thin waist and big boobs. In fact, I'll probably never have either!

But let me tell you want I do have!!

-You (my amazing blog readers, who leave me comments and messages that inspire me beyond words).

-A loving and supportive husband who had agreed to go on the Paleo Diet with me starting Monday!

-The income to support healthy eating and choices! I'm so blessed that I get to choose to eat less...some people can barely get enough to eat!

-An amazing group of friends and family members to motivate and support me on a daily basis!

-Bandit, my favorite little guy and running buddy!

-A gym membership!

-A personal trainer...Dustin, I'm coming bacccckkkk! Are you ready to make me puke again!? Hahah but really...

-Access to other blogs and research for inspiration & ideas!

I'm sure Paleo will be hard. Because let's be real, I'm a food whore and eat my emotions. Happy, sad, stressed, or mad...I am eating. Oh- and you can't eat dairy on Paleo, which means no cheese...so yes, part of me will "die" as I go on this lifestyle change!

But, you guys, I'm sick of living like this...and letting food control my every thought and action.

So, be ready for lots of blog posts about me missing cheese. Look for daily updates about what I am eating. Check back for Paleo recipe ideas. Get pumped for before pictures, during pictures (aka mirror pictures of me looking sweaty and hot from the gym or crying in fetal position near a box of Mac & Cheese), and after pictures (probably more mirror pictures in a fitting room trying on a new cute dress). Hey, at least I know myself!

Oh, and yes- lots of bandit pictures!

I'm so ready to be fit.

And healthy.

And energized.

Thanks in advance for your support and motivation! I'll need you guys....

Much love,

Ashley (a soon-to-be recovering foodaholic)