Boys Hate Belly Bombs

Yesterday, I had an entertaining and hilarious glimpse into my future at my nephew's first T-ball game.

I loved watching the kids run all over the field.

They would get SO excited when they hit the ball and then (usually) have no clue where to run.

The kids in the outfield would ALL go after the ball. There were like 15 shortstops.

It was outstanding.

And Braxen did such a great job.

He even hit the ball on the second try (without the tee).

What a stud.

When Braxen was on on third base, one of the many kids around the base yelled over to his dad, "HEY DAD!"

"Yeah buddy?" The dad replied back.

"Guess what today is?" The little guy said.

"What's that?" His dad asked.

"I get my video games back today!" The boy said with such excitement.

Oh boys.

So funny.

So between listening to the hilarious kids and watching their excitement to be playing on a team for the first time, I had a great morning.

I asked Braxen if he would take a picture with me.

"Yeah!" He said, excitement to get all the attention.

"Alright," I said. "I'll have you kiss my belly too!"

"NOOOOOO!!!!!" He said with the most terrified look on his face.

He ran away and hid behind a tree.

I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.

Eventually Braxen agreed to take a picture with everyone EXCEPT for me!

So I decided to photobomb his picture with my mom.

Cooper's first photo bomb.

Later that day, he told my sister, "I'm not kissing Aunt Ashley's belly! And I don't appreciate her belly bombing my pictures."

I couldn't stop laughing.

Thankfully, at breakfast this morning he came running up to me and gave me a giant hug while he said, "Happy Mother's Day!!!"

It completely melted by heart.

"Do you want to give kiss my belly today then?"

Sarah and Will (my sister and brother-in-law) both said at the same time, "NO! Don't seriously...he won't stop talking about that!"

Well, seems like boys hate belly bombs.

So clearly, I can't wait until my next opportunity to belly bomb him!

I can't wait to be a mom.

And embarrass Cooper on a daily basis.

Much love,
Ashley

And I Peed My Pants.... At Work

I knew the moment would come....

When I pissed my pants from either laughing or sneezing too hard!

And guess what?

No shocker here...it was from laughing!

My boss pranked my best friend at work by placing a dead tarantula spider under his St. Patty's Day hat. Yes, my boss just has a dead spider in his office that he randomly scares people with...Reason #423 why I love my company.

I couldn't even look at Chad without stumbling my words and almost spilling the beans!!! I felt so guilty, but I was secretly excited to see his reaction.

Anyway, I was telling my friend Scott about the situation and Scott (who is also afraid of spiders) made me laugh so hard that I crossed my legs.

"You're going to pee, aren't you?" Scott asked while trying not to laugh.

And then it happened.

I literally felt it coming.

At first it was just a tinkle.

But then Scott started laughing.

So I literally peed more.

"OMG!" I said. "I am peeing! You have to get out of here!"

"This isn't the last time this will happen," Scott said walking out of the office while cracking up!

I put my drink down and ran to the bathroom.

And while I'm typing this blog post, I finally remember where I put my drink....I've been looking for it all day....

Hahah the many joys of pregnancy!

I hope you're having a happy Friday. If not, you didn't piss yourself at work, so just be thankful for that....

The good news is...Baby Sieb and I tied for first place (with Cayla) in the Iasta Leprechaun contest today.
Redemption.

Much love,
Ashley

The Bathroom Stripper + My New Laugh

This week I've mainly blogged about giving up cheese my diet and weight loss.

But my life is more than a diet or number on a scale. So, I wanted to share a funny story with you about the bathroom stripper at my office today!

I walked into the bathroom this morning, and I noticed a sea of glitter on the ground.

"Um, KE$HA?
Is that you blowing glitter all over the floor?"

Holy cow, does a stripper work here now?

Later in the afternoon, I went into a different bathroom stall.

I noticed there was MORE glitter on the ground.

A lot more.

Someone is PACKING on the glitter today!!!

Just then, I went to button my pants and I saw glitter fall to the ground.

Lots of glitter.

And then I looked at my jeans.

Even more glitter.

Oh no, I'm the bathroom stripper...

My newest pair of underwear, which ironically said "HO! HO! HO!" were covered with glitter on the rear...

Just another day in the life of Ashley Sieb...

OH and one more fun fact, my latest laugh is now inspired  from the ADORABLE kid at the end of this video:



Much love,
Ashley 

And She Cried at the Dinner Table

I will write about my adventures on a daily basis. You can read about my drive down to West Virginia here. This entry is about getting to the resort and why I cried at dinner (it's not why you think).


July 4, 2011 (again)

I was not happy when we got there. Driving into the "resort" made me want to cry. I was less than pleased with the rainy drive down there and the man I saw beating a dog behind a church in a town of 40 people.

"Ash- maybe the dog ran away and he was just disciplining him!" Justin said trying to make the situation better.

"NO, I have zero tolerance for dog beaters," I said. "Turn around. I'm going to take that dog home and yell at him!" And make him pull up his pants because his butt crack was hanging out by a foot.

Of course, we got there early - so we couldn't check in.

Justin decided we should go grocery shopping and told me I had to wait in the car while he did the shopping. Someone had to guard the bikes, especially because someone could easily steal them. I was so nervous, and everyone who stood behind the car was a suspect in my mind. I tried to relax and read, but suddenly I heard a loud crashing sound.

I looked over and saw four men surrounding each other. The one guy in the black wife beater and short jean shorts had thrown a shopping cart at the shirtless man. Classy.

They yelled for about 5 minutes and their friends "held them back" - all while I pretended to read my book. I definitely didn't want to make eye contact and get kidnapped on Day 1.

When Justin got back to the car, I was an "unhappy camper" - literally. The rain was pouring at this point and when I looked up the weather for the week - it was nothing but rain and scattered showers. I wanted to cry and steal the car and drive to a beach.

No such luck. Justin came out excited about his purchases. At that moment, I felt so bad about my negative attitude. The powerful rain, forecast for the week and sketchy community made me want to leave and never come back.

But despite holding back the tears, we checked into our cabin. To my surprise, the cabin was really nice!

Home Away from Home.

Yes, this was the best feature- but a close second to central air.

The AC felt amazing, the cabin had cable (which we don't even have at home) and there were NO BED BUGS! :)

We opened up some beers and Justin turned on the TV. We watched an episode of "Keeping Up with The Kardashians" and I started to feel happy again. How can anyone be upset after watching Kim Kardashian get an X-ray of her butt to prove its real?

Next, we went to dinner at the bar / restaurant. I got excited when I saw the lake. It looked like every kids, adults dream!

Seriously, how can you NOT smile when you see this lake!? :)

Dinner was great and after one drink, I was feeling good (I'm kind of a light weight). Before we knew it, the sun came out.

I looked at Justin across the table and felt a rush of happiness. My heart filled with joy and love. And I couldn't help but feel completely happy with who I was with and where I was at this point in my life. I'm sure I was extra emotional because mother nature was visiting (and I cried like 24 times already this week) and tonight was no different.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked across the table at my husband. We both have great jobs, our fun son makes me so insanely happy, our family is so supportive and our new house is amazing! We are so blessed. I drive a nice car,  I go shopping for new summer dresses and I enjoy dinners out with my husband. Not everyone gets to live like this...and I'm sure we can't live like this forever...children will eventually cut our budget in half and the house payments will start up soon. But I am truly living the life I never imagined. I went from the girl who had $0.32 in her checking account in college after paying all my bills and tuition, to a happily married woman with a savings account, good job and investments. Everyone who told me my hardwork would pay off one day...and my struggles would make me stronger, you are right. 100% right....

Insert the waterworks. I truly love Justin so much and we are building a great life together- but most of all, we are happy on our journey together. We are working hard, but remembering to have fun along the way. We laugh often, dance always and never stop kissing in public- the key to a happy marriage (right after you have communication, trust and respect nailed down).

As I was bawling, I said, "I never dreamed I would have this good of a life. I love you so much and we have a beautiful home...I drive a nice car...I do fun things. I have so many summer dresses....You are so good to me ....and I feel spoiled."

I realize I said a lot of material things, but I was still crying thinking about the irrplaceable things in our life- such as each other, our family....Our family does SO much for us....and my nephews, they bring SO MUCH joy in my life....and again, I thought of my beautiful fur son who we left behind...even though he wanted to come with us on vacation.

I am convinced Bandit is half human.

Bandit hiding on my tummy because he was afraid of the fireworks.

"I know I am emotional because I am on my period and I've cried like 24 times this week," I said. "But I am just so happy with where we are...and even more- where we are going."

Justin smiled and then laughed. I was a hot mess. I laughed too.

"I love you, so much - baby," he said.

And right then - happy tears were streaming down my face; this will be a great vacation after all. I picked up my cranberry and vodka - he lifted up his beer and we smashed our drinks together.

"Cheers, to us and vacation."

And then I cried some more and ate my spicy black bean soup with the biggest smile in the world. I probably had a black bean stuck in my front tooth...is that why Justin couldn't stop laughing? Who knows. It was perfect. I'm happy.

Much love,
Ashley

GPS Coordinates Only

I will write about my adventures on a daily basis. The first entry is about my drive down to West Virginia.

July 4, 2011

Writing is my crack. I can't go a day without writing. A journal entry- Facebook status - a hand written note - an email - a press release - a blog post - a text- it doesn't matter; I need writing in my daily life. So when we left for vacation with no computer or journal, I knew I wouldn't make it long.

The journal I got an hour into our trip from the Dollar Store.

I passed the time drinking Starbucks and reading Chelsea Handler's new book, which always inspires me to write a book one day. And I know I will.

My favorites. End of story.

Not long into the drive, Justin pulled over to the side of the road and turned on his hazards.

"Um- what are you doing?" I asked. "I can enter the address, you know."

"Well- I am entering GPS coordinates- not an actual address," he said.

GPS coordinates? Oh my....Right then, I realized why I never watch scary movies; I'm about to star in one. I was definitely stereotyping, but I imagined a man with missing teeth wearing  jean overhauls  with no under shirt and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I was thinking of the movies "Delievrance" and "Wrong Turn" and trying even harder to forget I ever heard of those movies...

"I really don't think you understand where we are going Ash,"Justin said laughing and studying the look on my face.

No, I don't. Where is the beach? I'm hitchhiking after the next exit.

***

We barely made it 45 minutes into the trip before I had to pee. Like a child, I didn't pee before we left the house. Yes, Justin reminded me of this child-like mistake. But, I informed him the Starbucks didn't help because it quickly went through my system.


We pulled over at the next gas station. It is a tragedy I wasn't wearing the GoPro into the gas station because this crowd was truly unbelievable. I prayed for my safety was I approached the jail-cell looking doors.

To my surprise, the gas station suddenly turned into a fried chicken shop. I've never seen that much fried chicken in my life- not even at KFC. Not to mention, they were selling buckets of nacho cheese with the fried chicken. Interesting combination.

The cashiers looked at me as if I was an illegal alien and I searched frantically for the bathroom. I spotted a door with  a large sign on it just past the giant chicken deep fryer.

The note said:

"ATTENTION: THIS IS A PUBLIC RESTROOM! THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR YOU TO DO ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES! ALSO, ONE PERSON IN THE BATHROOM AT A TIME."

Instantly I had a few questions running through my head:

1. How many people were doing "illegal substances" in this bathoom? 
2. Is this an every day occurrence? 
3. At what point do you decide to post this note? 
4. Every hour? 
5. Did one person ruin it for all the other crackheads?
6. How many people tried to fit into this bathroom at the same time?

As I pondered these questions, I looked up and saw half of the ceiling was missing...I knew someone was either watching me or taping me. I tried to hurry and I thought about doing the Sun Drop booty dance, thinking the creepy dealers at fried chicken capital of the USA would submit my tape. Maybe they could fix the ceiling, sink and leaky toilet with the money they earned from my submission.

I tried to find my phone to take a picture of all of this, but I left it in the car. Of course.

As I walked out of the bathroom, everyone watched me leave. So I smiled and wipped my nose.

"We have to get the hell out of here!" Justin said immediately once I got into the car. "I thought I was going to have come in and save you. And why do you smell like fried chicken?"

Until my next adventure....

Much love,
Ashley

Who Says Husbands Don't Plan?

I love my husband for his vacation planning skills.

Image Issues, Cheese Fights and Bride Takedowns

Image Issues


I was bloated. My stomach had a boulder inside of it. Nothing fit. I felt like a pregnant hippo in every single dress I tried on for a wedding over the weekend. I’d go on a limb and say I tried on at least eight possible outfits.

I did try on one dress that looked good with the jacket, but both still felt tight. I didn’t feel comfortable at all.

Nothing looked good, which was absolutely devastating because I’ve been working so hard at the gym lately. I curled up on the bed and just laid there, wrapping myself in a blanket of self-esteem issues and tears. Thirty seconds later, Bandit jumped on and started giving me kisses. He pushed up my chin and placed his head under my neck. My heart melted; somehow he always knows when I am sad.

I guess I’ll just buy a new dress. One that isn’t tight. Maybe a little black dress. Every girl needs at least one of those, right? I did end up getting a black dress. Pictured with my lovely friends Sarah & Allison.

Cheese Fights


I went to the gym early on Saturday morning, despite the giant boulder that was resting inside my stomach. I had cheated on Wednesday and had a breakfast sandwich that had cheese on it. I am certain that was what caused this serve pain in my stomach. I’ve been regretting that sandwich ever since...
When I came back, Justin was still in bed. But I wasted no time waking up to let him know I was hungry.

By the way, when I am hungry – I turn into Godzilla. I’m awful to be around and want to smash everything and everyone that comes into my path. Justin said he was hungry too, but he was moving at the speed of a stoned elephant.

“Babe, please get up! I am so hungry!” I said. “And I have to go buy a dress that fits me!”

“Okay, okay,” he said. “What sounds good to you?”

Of course, this was a sweet question. He was letting me decide, but I am awful at making food decisions. Justin would argue I am bad at making decision all together. I always want someone else to select where we eat and what appetizer we order. But, of course, what sounds good to me is cheesy pizza, cheese sticks, cheeseburgers, mac and cheese, etc.

“Babe, you’ll need to pick; you know I can’t make a decision,” I said back.

Then I started to develop a tail and my skin started getting bumpy. Yup, Godzilla is busting through the surface.

Justin laughed.

I did not like his laugh at this moment. I grew monstrous teeth and spikes. Oh no, here comes Godzilla.

“FINE! YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT! I WANT A CHEESEBURGER, BUT I CAN’T HAVE THAT! I CAN’T HAVE ANYTHING ANYMORE!” I screamed.

“OH MY GOSH Ashley,” Just screamed back from the bedroom. “You can’t have cheese! Big deal!”

BIG DEAL!?!?! Inside my body grew a deep roar and flame blew outside of my mouth.

“YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!” I yelled back. “EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! MY WHOLE DIET.”

I stopped for a moment. I’ll bet this is when I grew my Godzilla claws.

“YOU SHOULD PUT YOURSELF IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES AND HAVE SOME SYMPATHY FOR ONCE!” I yelled back. (This was extremely dramatic and out of line because Justin is one of the most loving and supportive people I’ve ever known. I was just a crackhead needing my drug. I needed my cheese. Don’t worry – I said sorry right away and now we are joking about how dramatic I was).

I grabbed my purse and started to walk out.

“Fine, FINE!” Justin yelled. “We’ll just be on our own for lunch.”

“FINE!” I yelled back realizing that the word “fine” is used in almost nearly every single fight. But it’s never a good word. Fine never means everything is alright. It’s the opposite. It’s not fine.

But as I made my dramatic exit, I forgot my keys. So, I had to walk back into the apartment and act like everything was still “fine” – and off I went.

Once I got into my car, “Perfect” by Pink was on. Full blast. The lyrics screamed at me, “Pretty, pretty please, don’t ever ever feel , like you are less than- less than perfect. Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel like you are nothing, you are perfect to me.”

I started bawling. As rain was crashing down my car, tears were pouring out of my eyes. Earlier that morning, I was thinking of my grandpa while running. I usually do because my fundraising efforts for the American Heart Association are for him. I’m dedicating my race on May 7, 2011 to him.

In my heart, I believe Grandpa was talking to me through this song. I’ve been talking to him during my run through my heart and mind, so this was his message back to me.

“You are perfect me.”

And I know Justin feels the same way too. Stupid cheese fight.

I cried even harder...

Bride Takedowns


The Emenhiser and Rice wedding was this weekend. It was an absolutely beautiful wedding. Matt and Lindsay are two of the most loving people I know. They will grow old together and still be just as cute as they are today….

I didn’t get a chance to hug Lindsay and Matt after the wedding during the receiving line because we were in the balcony. So, we didn’t want to be super awkward and run budge in front of people. So we decided to hug them in at the reception. A hug is certainly not the word to describe what I gave Lindsay. A takedown might be a better description.

I was talking to one of the bridesmaids, Shari, when I heard Lindsay yell my name. I ran over to give her a hug. Preface: I was in heels. I barely wear heels for reasons about to be exposed…

I leaned down and gave her a big hug. I’m obviously tall, so as I went to stand up- I didn’t let go of Lindsay. In fact, I lifted her up in the air like a 5 year old, which was SUPER cute until I lost my balance.

My feet were sweaty and my shoes were loose. I felt my heels wobble from side to side. Lindsay let out a squeal and I felt heads start to turn our way. Just in time to see my body lean backwards.

I was falling in what felt like slow motion. I knocked into a bridesmaid who had just got food. Her body flew into some guy and her hand smashed into his crotch. On the way down, my face was placed in Lindsay’s boobs. Down we both went – with me motor boating her the entire way down.

I was super thankful I brought a pair of leggings in my purse and had JUST changed into them – or the entire reception would have seen my offerings.

Thankfully, Lindsay thought it was hilarious and we both laughed.

You see, my weekend was full of tears; some sad tears and other tears from laughing so hard. Either way, I learned that you can always buy new dresses, a lactose allergy is NOT the end of the world and giving hugs is overrated. Watch out future brides, I’m coming after you for a takedown ;)

Much love,
Ashley

Will The Siebs Be On Cops?

BANG, BANG, BANG.

It was the loudest knock on the door I've ever heard. And it was also midnight.

I'd like to let you know (or remind a few of you) that I have a pretty crazy mind. More often than not, I have nightmares. So, when I heard a knock as loud and powerful as that, I definitely pictured a murderer at our door.

"What the heck is going on!?" I asked Justin.

Bandit started freaking out. He was barking and I was bitching. Perfect combo.

There were car lights right outside the door and I heard people talking.


I was absolutely wigging out.

"Don't get it!!!" I whispered, hoping the Charles Manson vision in my head wouldn't hear me. "You don't have to answer."

Justin grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and threw them on. Backwards. No shirt, just chest hair. He walks out of the bedroom.

"OMG, don't go! What if it's a polite rapist who knocks first?!" I whispered, begging him not to answer the door.

Justin opened the door.

Welp, my life is now the movie "My Bloody Valentine."

"Hello, sir are you Frank Sinatra," the voice asked. (I made up the name, I have no idea what he asked. Number one, I was hiding behind the door like a little biatch with Bandit trying to bust down the door).

"No, I'm Justin Sieb," my hubby asked.

It's cops. Okay, not polite rapist. I can breathe again.

"How long have you lived hear?" the cop asked Justin.

"About five months," Justin said.

I seriously just imagine Justin's face looking like a deer in headlights. And then he came to, "Yeah - you guys just caught me off guard."

Another voice answered, "Yeah, you had to go to the bathroom and flush all your weed down the toilet."

"Hahhahaha," they all laughed.

Me? I was confused. Not laughing. Justin laughed.

"Yeah, I just know Frank because his mail comes here because he didn't change his address. Like stuff from the BMV and what not."

"Well, he didn't get anything from the BMV because he doesn't have a license," the weed joking cop said.

"Ohh," Justin laughed. "Okay!"

"Well - thank you sir, have a great night!" one of the cops said.

Then he got on his walkie talkie and said, "Stand down, bad address."

Stand down? What is there a SWAT team outside? What in the WORLD did Frank do? Is his the polite rapist? OMG, get over that, Ashley.

"What was that about?!" I asked rushing out of the bedroom.

"Well, there were four cops at the door and I think probably more at the back," Justin said. "I have no idea what Frank did, but it probably wasn't good. Oh, and there was a guy with a video camera too."

A VIDEO CAMERA?!?! OMG is my husband's statement going to end up on Cops?!

"I think they use it to record to cover there asses in case the suspect says they beat him," Justin said.

"OR you were just on Cops!!!" I yelled. "OMG, you were on Cops!"

****

Today at work I emailed Justin, "I can't stop laughing about last night. And the thought of you being on Cops."

He emailed me back, "They wouldn't show me because I didn't have a wife beater on. And shirtless isn't classy unless you have trashy tattoos all over your body."

****

Looking back, I wish I would have said, "Happy Valentine's Day, baby! I've got you some male strippers!"

But I still wonder what Frank did. And hope to God he never comes back to our place. At least I know we have an amazing guard dog, because Bandit slept in front of the door the rest of the night. So adorable, love my little fur son.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Ours started out with a BANG! Literally.

Much love,
Ashley

COD is NOT A Fish; Its a Way of Life

If you follow me on Facebook, you are probably aware of my photo series that has gained recent popularity. For Christmas, my husband bought "us" an X-Box to play "Dance Central" -- little did I know, he went out and bought Call of Duty. Also known as COD. This is not a fish. This is a way of life. And I am documenting my husband's addiction every single day. Often, I only pick the "best" picture of the day and post it online. But I have a lot more to share. Enjoy.

The very first picture.

 Has he caught me yet? And why is his shirt over his face?

 Hey I can be cute and capture Justin playing COD! Win.

THUMBS UP for my best mile EVERRRR. Babe, are you proud? 

I just did my best mile EVER!!! And Justin was super excited too! Can't you tell?

Looks like the toe touch got Justin's attention for a millisecond + Bandit was proud of me. Look at Bandit's face.

Hot girl, check it.

Hey, he could be at the strip clubs. My life isn't too bad, right?

He is all mine ladies. All. Mine.

Justin - if husbands were boogers, I'd pick YOU! 

 Hey babe- I am going out with my girls tonight. How do I look? Good, okay- well glad to know - I'll take a picture of you playing COD now. What's that, you didn't hear me again? Shocker.

I have him in the palm of my hand.

SAVE ME! I am losing my mind. And Bandit seriously looks like a shark in this picture.

 Why am I wearing this headband inside? 

 I see dead people. On COD.

Quesadilla smile!

 Break dancing! Normal night. Obviously, Bandit is impressed with my life. 

 Bandit wants to know who threw his toy and I am just busting out my scuba dance moves. Justin is not phased by my outfit or moves at all.

Whoooaa man- hear comes a knarly wave. Justin - do you see that out there? Is that shark? Side note: Bandit is giving an extremely side creep stare....lol.

Do you want to help take my wet suit off? Nope. COD wins again.

Nice try, Justin! I caught youuuuu! You can't beat me at my own game. 

I just love this picture for Bandit's face....

 Bandit got us!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Babe- look at me in my skinny jeans.

He caught me - so he threw his hands up in the air like Miley. 

I call this one...the XBOX brain eater...nom nom nommm.

The hubby went out with the guys. The chair misses him....and I have no one to take pictures of...tear.

Look how many Valentines I found babe!!!! (Not impressed)

Do I look mysterious when I do this babe? (Still not impressed)

 Oh well, I'll just be silly. 

I almost pissed my pants when I took this picture. He heard the sound of the camera going off (I usually turn it off) and he looks like he just broke his mom's favorite lamp and wanted to make sure she wasn't looking. Or he pooped his pants. Or he knew I was taking COD pictures of him. Any of those will work...

Silly faces with Bandit!

 I just love Bandit's tounge in this picture, but yup- Justin is still there...you can see his feet!

He finally got me...and his face is priceless. I must say, Bandit and I are adorable sleeping the same way too. Good job, babe. You can get me at my own game - but I will still win.

Just resting my head on my hubby's lap! Cuddle bugs! :) (not)

Hey babe- look at this booty. Lookin good after 146 miles huh?

I gave him my famous booty dance and he completely overlooked my dance. He said, "BABE!" And it in his head he finished, "Get the heck out of my way because I am on a kill streak and I will be pissed if I die because of you!"

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Much love,

Ashley