I Shouldn't Have Looked

I shouldn't have looked.

But I did.

I guess it wouldn't matter though...because my doctor brought it to my attention anyway.

My weight.

The number on the scale.

I was doing SO good for the first five months.

Then, I started to let myself go.

Cupcakes? No problem.

Bacon? Absolutely.

Cheese? On everything please.

Mountain Dew? Yes, let's do the dew.

Working out? Pshhh I'll do that tomorrow.

Then you add in the past two weeks.

First, there was Chicago, which meant I was eating out and snacking on Garrett's popcorn.

Then, there was the week of ALL day meetings and evening events (reading between the lines - I had pizza, Qdoba, and Yats for lunches followed by dinners out with my team).

I knew what was coming.

I knew the number would be high.

But not that high. I simply wasn't ready for it.

If you've followed my blog, you know weight loss has ALWAYS been a popular topic. And I've had my ups and downs....and I've picked myself up countless times.

But this time -I'm growing a baby. A little tiny human. Someone who needs me to be healthy and active. Not just during pregnancy, but as a mother as well.

You want to know the number, don't you?

I thought about not telling you, honestly I did. I thought about hiding this secret all together. And maybe not even telling Justin...But writing about my feelings. Being open. Being honest. That's how I heal. That's how I deal.

First, I'll tell you that I gained 11 lbs in ONE MONTH!!! That's an average of 2.5 lbs a week. 

Barf.

Second, I'll...tell...you....the number on the scale.

267.

YIKES!

That puts me at 29 lbs gained for this pregnancy. And remember how my goal for the ENTIRE pregnancy was to gain between 25 and 30 lbs?

Oops. 

The doctor measured my belly and asked how I was feeling.

She found little Cooper's heartbeat, which makes my heart so happy every time, and said, "You've got a happy baby in there!"

I was so happy to hear that his heartbeat is great + he is moving around + loving life.

My placenta is in the front, which makes it really hard for Justin (and sometimes me) to feel him moving around. Sometimes I get worried, but then he will kick me ...that's his way of telling me to calm down. Everything is fine.

"Well, my darling, your blood pressure is great, but.."

I could have finished the sentence for her. I had be sitting in the exam room the whole time. Starring straight at the ceiling. Fidgeting all over the place. Analyzing everything I'd eaten over the last month.

"It looks like you have a spike in your weight," she said.

I came clean about everything.

Admitted to my poor diet and exercise habits.

She was pleased that I was honest. She said some woman just act like they're in denial and say, "I have no clue how that happened!"

"Well the good news is you know what happened," she said. "And you have the tools and resources to bring things back on track. I don't want you to lose weight at all. But just try to exercise again and have a healthier diet. Let's try to see you gain under one pound each week."

So instead of feeling sorry for myself and stopping by Flying Cupcake, I drove my happy butt to Whole Foods. I was supposed to get free lunch at work (Fazoli's aka carbs, carbs, and MORE carbs) - but I turned it down. Yes, that's right. I turned it down.

IF I TURN DOWN FREE FOOD THAT IS A BIG DEAL!

I went to the salad bar and created the most amazing salad I've had in months. I stayed away from the bacon, eggs, cheese, and ranch dressing - which are my usual salad toppings of choice. Instead, I loaded up on mixed greens, quinoa, wild rice (don't ask - it sounded good and WAS good), pumpkin seeds, yellow squash, grilled chicken, and just a few croutons. For my dressing, I sprinkled on some olive oil then purchased some pesto, which I added later!

Bam. Nailed it.

It was AMAZING!

I also picked up some fresh green beans (my current favorite veggie) and just a little bit of the organic mac and cheese (just a little bit though...and the fact it was organic + not very cheesy made me feel better about life).

Perfect combination if you ask me.

I even had some leftovers.

See Ashley, eating healthy CAN be satisfying and fill you up.

I'm not being hard on myself. Some people might comment that I'm pregnant and shouldn't worry about this...but the reality is, when the doctor tells you (in polite terms) to get your shit together and eat better and exercise more, you need to do it.
 
So, here goes nothing. We've got about 11 weeks left (ummm that seems so short). I've got this...I know exactly what I need to do to maintain my weight better and stay active.

Much love,
Ashley

Ashley's 30 Day Boot Camp

I've gained back all of my weight. Are you sick of me telling you that yet? I know, I'm sick of writing it too. It's complicated. I'm in a horrible relationship. And I'm sure you know about it...maybe you have a similar problem.

The root of my problem is my relationship with food.  I just don't know my limits. I have a hard time with portion control. And I want to eat during every single emotion I ever feel.

You're right, this is not me...mainly because this would be a plate of cheese instead of a plate of donuts.
But the message remains the same: I have a food addiction.

I ask you guys to be there for me.

To support me.

To encourage me to make wise decisions.

To talk me about of the large pizza with extra pepperoni.

To sway me from the bacon cheeseburger.

To convince me that sour cream, ranch dressing, and cheese do not make everything better.

But I have a hard time listening. Or I become a closet eater, which means I shovel food in my face when no one is looking.

And to be honest with you, I'm completely terrified of getting pregnant and reaching 300 lbs.

300 lbs.

That means I'd be beyond qualified for The Biggest Loser.

Today I weighed about 232 lbs.

Not my highest (241).

And far from my lowest (199).

I'm sure it's a combination of bloating + holiday weight gain + vacation snacks and drinks + holiday drinking.  But today, I realized my problem.

I try to give up everything all at once. 

No cheese. No mayo. No bacon. No burgers. No fried food. No ranch dressing.

I completely wipe it out of my diet for a week or so.

Kick major butt.

Drop the lbs quickly.

Then, I fall off the wagon.

I add a strip of bacon on my egg sandwich.

I ask for cheese on my burrito bowl at Qdoba.

And then the wagon runs me over.  Then the wagon backs up and runs over me again. The next thing you know, I'm back where I started writing a blog like this or this.

Promising you that next time will be different.

Explaining that this time I have the answer.

Saying that my attitude is different.

Informing you that I'm inspired for change.

And then you read something like this or the blog post today.

You are quickly reminded that I'm human.  And I make mistakes. But I make the mistakes often and have a hard time learning from them.

So, I've put together a 30 Day challenge...inspired by my friend Ann Semon's blog.

I'm not trying to eliminate every single horrible food from my diet. And I'm not making an outrageous claim to workout every single day twice. Instead, I've developed a plan. For the next 30 days, I'll do the following in my version of a Boot Camp.

• Avoid alcohol. No exceptions.
• Do cardio 3-4 times a week for at least 30 minutes each time.
• Do strength training twice a week for at least 20 minutes each time.
• Do 150 abs every single day (sets of 25 each method).
• Do 15 push-ups each day.
• No mayo. This sneaky condiment can easily add 100-300 calories to your sandwich depending on how much gets piled on!
• No fried food. No exceptions.
• Eat fruit for breakfast 4-5 days a week.
• I'm allowed 3 cheat meals a week. The cheat meal can include anything except booze, mayo, or fried food.

If I cheat or miss a workout, I have to do 30 burpees. 

Don't know what burpees are? Click here to watch this video. Basically, they suck and make me want to vomit. But breaking rules at Boot Camp has consequences.

So today marks Day 1. I'll document all of my food intake and exercise in MyFitnessPal, which is an app that is available for you to download and use too (free)! My username is ashleysieb.  Sign-up and add me as a friend! 

My 30 Day Boot Camp will end on Sunday, February 3.

By that point, my hope is everything I've done will become a habit. And I can start a new program to inspire new fitness routines. I'm sure there are better exercises or goals I could add. I'm certainly open to your ideas and suggestions for the next 30 days. But for now, this is my plan. And you're welcome to join me. 

I'm not doing this for a resolution (you can read my focus for 2013 here and here). I'm doing this so I can live a long and healthy life with my family. And as one of my best friend's Ashley wrote in her recent blog post, I need to do this for me.

Not a number on the scale.

Or a certain dress size.

Or vacation destintation.

I am doing this for me.

P.S. Bachelor workouts start on Monday. I hope you join me!!  I'll post the workouts on my blog every Monday!

Much love,
Ashley