Let Your Imperfections Shine

I drove home considering if I should cancel our maternity pictures or not.

Poor Ann.

We’d already changed dates a few times due to schedule conflicts.

But today, today I wasn’t feeling beautiful at all.

I glanced down at my feet.

My ankles and toes were swollen so bad that my shoes were leaving impression marks in my feet.

I slipped off my shoes. Barefoot and pregnant is the story of my life these days.

Once I got home, I greeted Bandit and he peed all over my swollen feet. Maybe that was his way of trying to reduce the swelling?

He hasn’t peed on me in a while, but he is famous for spreading some “love juice” when he gets excited.

I slipped off my shoes and waddled my way upstairs. Bandit zoomed past me, eager to make me smile.

I looked in the mirror.

My hair looked awful. The humid weather had completely destroyed my hair, which was once straightened. I attempted to straighten my hair and apply some product, but my hair wasn’t having it. My bangs were looking greasy from sweating in the humid weather.

I glanced down at my fingernails. I had red nail polish that was chipping off.

I thought back to the maternity pictures I’d sent Ann earlier that day. The women in the pictures I found had beautiful hair…almost as if they went to a salon to get their hair and make-up done before the pictures. Their nails were painted perfectly – no imperfections or scratch marks.

I went into my closet. My wardrobe options are slowly diminishing with this growing belly, my swollen legs, and giant arms.

What should I even wear?

Earlier that day, Cayla and Jami (coworkers) told me that I looked SUPER cute on Monday. In fact, both the doctor and nurse complimented me on how adorable I looked…maybe I should wear that outfit?

I looked in the dirty clothes pile. Sure enough, there were the clothes from Monday.

Dirty.

Just then, I got a text message from Ann, “What time are you thinking?”

Justin wasn’t home from work yet. I thought about replying, “How about tomorrow instead?”

I glanced in the mirror one more time and then I looked over at Bandit, who was smiling at me from the bed.

My biggest fan.

Who always watches me good ready in the morning.

Who follows me around everywhere.

Who adores me no matter what I wear or how I look.

I looked back in the mirror.

This is who you are.

You aren’t perfect (and that's okay!!!!!). 

You’ll have bad hair days that no one can fix (without taking a shower or hiring an in-home stylist).

You’ll have days where you go wearing chipped nail polish.

You’ll have days when you were jeans two times (or so) without washing them.

You’ll have days when nothing fits because you’re growing a little tiny human, who probably doesn’t give a darn what you’re wearing right now. And also- growing a human is amazing. 

This is who you are.

“How about 6 pm?” I text Ann back. “Justin isn’t home yet, but I am getting ready if you want to come over now!”

I walked away from the mirror – leaving behind my worries about looking perfect. I didn’t wash nor do anything fancy with my hair. I didn’t re-paint my nails. And I grabbed my dirty outfit from Monday.

Let’s do this.

Ann being Ann – told me how adorable I looked the moment she walked in the door.

Justin made me laugh as always.

And Bandit continued to smile at me and follow me around the house (probably hoping I was getting ready to take him for a walk).

We grabbed the props and went on our way.

And you know what? We had a total blast. I found myself worrying about my hair at times, but decided to just let it go.

“Your hair really doesn’t look bad,” Ann assured me once when I was trying to fix it. “I promise!”

Later that night, Ann sent me a message and said, “I’m looking at these pictures and you seriously one of the cutest preggo ladies ever!”

Notice she DID NOT say any of the following things that nearly stopped me from taking the pictures in the first place:

“I had to PhotoShop some better hair on you.”

 “I had to re-paint your nails using PhotoShop.”

“I noticed you had a few stains on your T-shirt, so I removed them using my editing software.”

I decided to let my imperfections shine and the pictures turned out wonderful! I was completely overwhelmed with the responses from the pictures too.  SO many people left such kind and uplifting comments. I think I read each of the comments about 5 times.

So thank you, thank you, thank you for proving to me that imperfections don’t matter.

And being beautiful always starts with a sincere smile and a positive attitude.

Thankfully I had some super fabulous co-models.

And finally, a BIG thank you to Ann Semon via Ann Marie Photography for taking these pictures. We absolutely love them ...you did such an incredible job (as always)...can't wait for you to meet Cooper!!

Much love,

Ashley

The Dates You Remember

Some dates you'll never forget.

You know exactly what you wore.

What you said.

How you felt.

Who was there.

And eventually, you realize how that date- that moment- changed your life.

As I was driving to work, I was reminded of a date that defined so much of who I am. And unfortunately, this date put a wedge in my trust and relationship with Justin for years.

Justin was the perfect boyfriend- he really was!

He loved me...a love that I only thought existed in movies.

I could be myself (aka a complete werido).

Justin made me feel beautiful and special no matter what I was wearing or how much make-up I had (or didn't have) on.

In fact, he preferred me without much make-up on.

A natural beauty, he'd say.

He loved me no matter the number on the scale or size of pants.

He made me laugh. He made me feel safe.

And yet, I didn't trust him.

He'd never given me a reason not to trust him.

This was seven years ago.  

And a few months earlier, someone gave me a reason not to trust...anyone.

It was March in 2006.

I had just gotten back from Spring Break a few weeks before...my boyfriend was acting strange - pushing me away. He said we needed a night apart, but his voice was odd.

His text messages were short.

And he didn't IM me when I got on AOL messenger (don't act like you didn't wait for that one person to IM you first). 


I agreed that we should spend the evening apart. I went off to play beer pong with some friends...I was playing with a guy I just met. I couldn't tell you his name today if you gave me a million dollars. But I do know...that he tried to kiss me...and I pushed away. But I felt guilty.

Did my frustrations with my boyfriend get the best of me? 

Was I being overly flirty? 

Or was this guy just a creep?

I felt the party with my best friends at my side- Toni, Travis, and Luke. We marched over to my boyfriend's house. I knew something was wrong...and I wanted to fix it.

Who knew moments later I'd be the one needing fixed?

I reached his front steps and the lights were off, but I could see the TV was on.

Without knocking, I opened his door....slowly- careful not to wake him if he was sleeping.

I shouldn't have been so careful...

I opened the door and the street lights brightened up the room.

There he was...

With another girl...

He was on top of her...they were kissing...and I'll spare you the other details.

Those next few minutes were a blur. I didn't yell at home...or punch him. You always think about what you'll do in moments like that, but I was so shocked.

So hurt.

I walked into the other room- covered my face with my hands and the tears started pouring down.

I needed to get out there....and fast.

"I can't believe you, (insert said boyfriend's name)," I said.

I walked outside and fell to the ground.

My friends were waiting outside.

He wasted no time jumping up and locking the door.

Toni saw my reaction and jumped back to the door. She started banging on it and screaming at him...calling him names...names that he so rightfully desired!

And my little Toni Bug- still my best friend...and I know that no matter the situation - she would still bang down someone's door to defend me.

And then carry me home like she did that night.

I will always love and adore her...

For some reason, I was reminded of this day while driving to work this morning.

One of those moments that shaped my life.

That next day, I vowed that no man will ever determine my happiness.

I declared that I'm in charge of my feelings and emotions.

I was stubborn and broken at the same time.

I put up a wall.

On August, 19, 2006 I met Justin. And from that date on, he worked soooo darn hard to get inside my mind to figure me out. And break down that wall.

I'm so thankful that he never gave up on me.

In fact, I'd often thank him for letting me deal with my emotions in my own way (and time) without running away.

"I'll never give up on you, Baby," he would say back every single time.

You see, I remembered the timeframe of the March incident this morning while driving to work.

I don't remember the exact date.

Or time.

Or what I was wearing.

But I'll never forget the date that Justin and I met.

I was wearing a teal shirt with Silver jeans.

My hair was down and blonde from the summer sun.

He was wearing khaki shorts with a black Ball State t-shirt.

And I'll never forget the date that he asked me to be his girlfriend, August 22.

Justin was in khaki shorts and a red T-shirt.

 I was in workout clothes - leaving the gym.

"So, do you want me make this thing official or what?" He asked.

"YES!" I said, overly excited. "Wait, does this mean I can make it Facebook official too?"

As clique as it sounds, everything in life happens for a reason.

I could have spent my life dwelling on that ONE moment, with that ONE awful boyfriend...but instead, I decided to take a leap of faith with ONE amazing man.

So don't hold onto the wrong dates.

Let go.

Remember the dates that bring positive memories....

The dates that flood your body with happiness. 

Days like this...

Nervous bride smile!

Sealing my promise with a kiss.

And then shoving cake up his nose.

All happy marriages are filled with fabulous dance moves.

And don't forget...

Wedding hangover.

 

Much love,
Ashley

Jump Outside Your Comfort Zone

My "Bucket List" is full of daring, eventful, and inspiring activities or challenges.

Traveling to Japan (where I was born!!). 

Running a full marathon.

Meeting Nick Carter (seriously, I signed my middle school yearbook Ashley Carter because I was CONVINCED I would marry him).

Participating in a flash mob.

You know, the usual.

When I got an email a few weeks ago, asking if I wanted to participate in a flash mob at the Eloqua Experience ( my work conference this past week)...I was over the moon!

My reply: "Absolutely! Being in a flash mob is on my bucket list!"

Flash forward to Wednesday, November 7.

I had mixed emotions about being in the flash mob. I know..that doesn't sound like...but I was NOT prepared. And I'm kind of a perfectionist.

They sent out a training video of the dance.  I told myself I MUST practice every night the week before the conference, but in reality - I practiced ZERO times.

I told my boss that I felt uneasy about the flash mob...and I seriously considered not even attending the practice session.

Why are you acting like this, Ashley? You've always dreamed of being in a flash mob!

"Well, I think I'll just go to the practice," I told my boss. "And if I really can't do the dance, then I'll just cheer on the sidelines!"

When I opened the door to the "top secret rehearsal," the music was playing. A few people were dancing and then eventually everyone started doing the dance.

You've got to be kidding me! I am clearly the only person in the room who didn't practice... I'm going to stand out like a sore thumb!! I am leaving...

I opened the door and walked out of the room.

What are you think, Ashley? Get your butt back in there. Jump outside your comfort zone...

Seconds later, I saw my new friend Lauren.

"Lauren!" I yelled. "Are you doing this!?"

"Yeah..but I have no clue what I am doing," she said.

Thank.God.

I am not alone.

"Oh good!" I said, feeling relaxed. "I don't know either..."

We walked back into the room (everyone was still dancing like flippin' rockstars!!). I found a place near the back...and just started dancing along. And by dancing along, I mean looking extremely awkward and doing the Marsha Brady.

Dancing machine.

I had no clue what I was doing.

I probably looked like a fool.

And guess what?

I was laughing.

I was smiling.

I was happy with my decision to jump outside my comfort zone.

"Alright everyone!!!" the dance instructor yelled. "If you think you know this dance by heart and would get up on stage and do this dance alone, go to group one."

Obviously, I didn't move to group one.

"And if you think that you have a lot of work to do and feel like you want to hide in the corner, go to group five."

Alright, that's more like it!! Group five here I come!

Thankfully, group five was full of SUPER fun people. And we were all super uncoordinated, so our dance session made for even more laughs.

We had an absolute blast practicing the dance.

Turns out, group five was the last group to jump into the flash mob...but we were also the group that ended up on stage!!

"Wait, isn't that a little backgrounds?" one guy asked. "You want US on stage!?? Group 5!?"

We all started dying laughing...

"If we smile and look like we're having fun- that's all that matters!" I said, thankful that my attitude and outlook had changed.

After practice ended, we went our separate ways until lunch started. I thought the flash mob was on Thursday during lunch, so I promised myself that I would practice all night.

Because, you know, that's what perfectionist people do.

I told myself that I wouldn't eat lunch before the flash mob...I would wait..because I didn't want my nerves to get the best of me!

I felt pretty confident about my game plan.

Tomorrow will be amazing! 

Lunch (On Wednesday- Not Thursday)

I was sitting at lunch with my boss and new friends when I heard "The Right Stuff" come on!

OMG. Someone tell the DJ they have the wrong date! 

I leaned over to my friend, who THANKFULLY was in the flash mob group with me and said, "Shut up! Is the flash mob today!?"



She started laughing, "YES! When did you think it was?!"

"OMG!" I said. "Tomorrow!!"

My boss started dying laughing!

You've got to be kidding me.

I looked around for our dance leader and I couldn't find him!

What if he doesn't show up? 

Did he think it was tomorrow too? 

When do we go up on stage?

Just then, I saw him run up  and said, "Come on ladies! Let's do this!"

I jumped out of my seat and went toward the stage.

Now or never.

The dance went surprisingly well!

And despite my anxiety about making a fool of myself or falling off the stage, I had a blast!

 I came back to my seat and my boss said, "Great job!!"

"Thanks!" I said back. "See, I can be spontaneous sometimes!!"

He laughed, "Only when you have to be! Let's be real, we both know you would have practiced in the mirror all night long tonight if the flash mob really was tomorrow."

"You're right..." I admitted. "You know me too well. I want to do it again!"

Back row, far right (in a purple dress).
Did you find me yet!?! :)

Not everything in life goes by plan (a lesson I have yet to fully learn and accept). 

And sometimes, you'll be forced to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

But guess what!?

Your nerves will go away. 

Your adrenaline will kick in.

And you'll love every minute of it.

So whatever you're holding back on in life...jump on it.

What do you have to lose? 

Much love,
Ashley

Tears of Joy

I cried while driving into work this morning.

Not the uncontrollable, ugly cry.

Even beautiful people have "ugly cry" faces.

I just had a few tears fall down my face.

Tears of joy, as I call them.

I pictured myself at the start line tomorrow morning.

Listening to the song, "Hats Off to Larry" - the song my Grandpa requested we play at his funeral. The song was a suggestion by my mom, and I knew instantly I wanted to start the race to his song.

Tomorrow, I'll walk up to the start line more prepared than EVER before.

Sure I missed a few long runs.

And I missed even more short runs during the week.

But I feel confident.

I feel strong.

I've done a great good job training this time around. 

Previous races, I was lucky to get one or two 6 milers under my belt.

MAYBE I would do a 10 miler.

These past few weeks have been UBBER emotional. I can't explain right now, but I will one day soon. Hang tight...

But thankfully, I'll be surrounded with friends, fellow runners. volunteers, and spectators that inspire me.

Tomorrow when I walk up to the start line, I'm not letting my stresses, worries, emotions, or fears win.

I started out this journey dreaming of a full marathon, but I knew I wasn't ready to climb that mountain. Not yet. I've had my doubts along the way...like most runners do. But I am bringing my strength, confidence, and courage with me to the start line. And thanks to advice from Meggie Dials, I'm going to master my race photos tomorrow too!

"It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness."
--Seneca

And one more quote...just because it made me smile and you guys KNOW I love quotes.

"Some people don't have the guts for distance racing. The polite term for them is sprinters." 

Much love,
Ashley

Secrets of Adulthood

My stress level has been at record highs in September and October. I can't even tell you how excited I am that my life is finally "slowing down."

In order to cope with my stress and the chaos I call life, I started reading a book called, "The Happiness Project."

I am only a few chapters in, but I've already determined next month I am creating my own Happiness Project.

And what's my focus for the first month?

Relaxation.

Finally, right?

Three items on my list for next month include:

• Start Yoga
• Spend (at least) one day surrounded by nature
• Leave my computer at work unless I have a major project due

I'll have my entire Happiness Project mapped out soon. In the meantime, I'm creating a list my list of adulthood secrets to consider throughout my project, which is something the author also created in her Happiness Project.

Here is my current list of adulthood secrets:

The real way to lose weight is to burn more calories than you take in. Weight loss simply comes down basic math.

Speak your mind- most people aren't mind readers.

Hangovers get worse with age. In an attempt to avoid feeling like death the next day, drink one glass of water for every alcoholic beverage you consume.I promise it works!

You can't change other people, but you can change your attitudes and perceptions of those people.

Stand for something or you will fall for everything.

You can say "NO" - the world will go on.

Mistakes happen. Own up to your errors and learn from them.

Most everyone has an agenda. What's yours?

People are in your past for a reason.

Be on time. Better yet, be early.

Don't talk bad about people.You can never take back the words you say aloud...

Karma- it's real and always comes back your way. Good or bad karma, well - that is up to you!

Always send a handwritten thank you note after a job interview.

Hold the door open for everyone. You never know who will open up a door for you in the future.

Bacon makes everything better. Everything.

Don't talk about religion or politics while drinking.

Black really does make you look thinner.

Always tip your servers 20 percent (or more if they were awesome) - they only get paid $2.13 an hour!!

Strive to always to see similarities in people instead of fighting over differences. 

Few women can pull off red lipstick.

You will work with someone you don't get along with...but you will become a better and stronger person as a result.

Don't harass the DJ at wedding receptions.

Be kind to everyone...you never know what sort of battles they are facing.

Time is the best gift you can give or accept.

If you don't like something, change it. Don't complain.

Runners high is a real emotion-feeling.

Perception is reality.

Giving is more rewarding than receiving.

Ask questions until you fully understand your project, purpose, and mission.

Failure will teach you more lessons than winning. It's perfectly normal and acceptable to fail.

The rainy days help you appreciate the sunny days.

Taking a deep breath and counting to 10 really does work!

Don't worry about things that haven't yet happened.

You're only one person. You physically can't be everywhere for everyone all of the time.

Your parents are right 97.5 percent of the time.

You can do absolutely anything you set your mind to accomplishing.

Go to bed early so you can wake up early- every minute of your life is a gift.

Much love,
Ashley

Don't Be Afraid to Fail

My friend Megan emailed me last night. My heart filled with happiness knowing that she took the time to think of me...and wanted to make me feel better. In fact, the response from everyone yesterday was so amazing and overwhelming....

I can't even tell you how many times I've read each of these comments.
I'm so blessed to call each and every one of you a friend.
xoxo.

Here is what Megan said in her email:

Hi Ashley,

This is what is on our fridge and I need to read it all the time...

Don't Be Afraid to Fail

You’ve failed many times, although you may not remember.

You fell down the first time you tried to walk.

You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim, didn’t you?

Did you hit the ball the first time you swung a bat?

Heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also strike out a lot.

R.H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York caught on.

English novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books.

Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs.

Don’t worry about failure.

Worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.

I cried - because that's what I do best with people inspire and motivate me. And then I thanked her for the kind email, which came at the most perfect timing.

Worrying about failure is a huge fault of mine. Even though it took years to see it and even more years to admit it, I'm a perfectionist.  I like need everything not just accurate and correct on the first try- but PERFECT on the first try.

But life isn't always perfect....

I am not always perfect...

And failing is simply part of life.

Because failure teaches you lessons. 

Failure helps you appreciate the journey, not just the destination.

Failing at something makes you stronger and wiser.

And as I think about my blog post yesterday, running a half marathon instead of a full marathon is not a failure. Not even close. But next time when I start to train for a full marathon, I won't be afraid of failing. And most importantly:

I won't let failure win.  

And this message doesn't just apply to running my half marathon in November. It applies to everything. And probably something you're experiencing right now too...Work, school, health, marriage, friendships, financials, goals, dreams - whatever you're going through...just think of this blog post. 

Don't worry about failure.  

Don't worry about anything.

Just believe in yourself, focus on the journey, and give it everything you have to come out on top!

Much love,
Ashley

The Bandit Prayer

I woke up late this morning. But who am I kidding...I usually do.

The clock said 7:20 a.m. I knew I wasn't stopping at Starbucks, so I decided 10 minutes would give me enough time to:

• Let Bandit out one more time. He always comes in too early / before he has finished his business so he can get a treat.
• Cook a healthy breakfast (an Egg McMuffin of sorts).
• Pack my healthy snacks for the day (cottage cheese sprinkled with Goldfish crackers + fresh strawberries and banana for later in the day).
• Grind and brew some French Vanilla coffee.

By 7:28 am, I looked at the clock: mission accomplished.

I quickly reminded myself to stop saying:

"I don't have time to eat healthy in the morning."

"I don't have time to pack my lunch."

"I don't have time to brew my own coffee."

Because yes, I do have time.

I went to rush out the door, but turned to look over at Bandit. He was giving me the creeper / alien stare down from across the room.

I'm mildly obsessed with my dog.

I almost forgot our tradition.

The Bandit Prayer.

I started The Bandit Prayer when Justin and I first moved to Indy. I watched too much criminal minds + local news. Not to mention, I'm a scardy cat in general. Anyway, I was also trying to grow my spiritual relationship at that time. So one day before work, I decided to do a little prayer with Bandit.

I grabbed his little face and pulled it close to mind.

I gave him a single kiss on nose.

"Heavenly father, please keep this house free from harm and intruders. Please keep little Bandito safe and sound. We ask all this in your name, amen."

Sometimes he will give me a kiss when the prayer is over.

Most of the time he looks at me like I am crazy.

And maybe I am.

But I left for work this morning remembering a valuable lesson.

You are never too rushed to count your blessings, give a kiss goodbye and keep your morning traditions. 

Much love,
Ashley

I Used Everything You Gave Me

I ate lunch alone today.

Which is fine. 

Sometimes I find it refreshing to get an hour to myself.

I had every intention of reading 50 Shades of Gray, but when I looked at the pages...I just saw a pile of words.

I couldn’t concentrate.

Even though I was in Carmel, Indiana enjoying the salad bar at Jason’s Deli, my mind was miles away.

Over the weekend, my Grandma Sieb and Aunt Juli complimented me on my recent blog post, "No Time Is Long Enough."

“You really are evolving as a writer,” Aunt Juli said. “When I read your last post, I thought to myself, ‘She really is going to write a book one day!’”

Her kinds words were music to my ears.

Tell me I’m beautiful, I’ll certainly smile. Depending on the day, I might actually believe you.

Tell me I’m a beautiful writer, my day is complete.

“You really wrote from your heart,” Grandma Sieb added. “Your post was just absolutely beautiful. I’m sure you inspired a few people to look  at the small things in life more often.”

But writing from my heart has been so difficult lately.

These past few months, I’ve felt so unbalanced.

Overwhelmed.

Stressed.

Irritated.

Discouraged.

Scared.

Unsettled.

I feel like I've lost touch with who I once was...

Am I too young to have a mid-life crisis?

Probably.

As I was trying to answer all of the world’s problems – well the problems in my own world - I came across a photo on Instagram that said:

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"


I stared at the screen....letting the quote sink in.

Reflecting on my own life.

Disclaimer: I'm not an overly religious person. I can't many quote bible verses word-for-word. So, some might even say I'm more spiritual than religious. But I love my God and I believe we all have a purpose in this lifetime. And I pray. Although, I'll admit I should pray and count my blessings more often.

But the quote got me thinking...Am I really giving and using all of the talent's that God gave me?

One of my talents is writing.

I love sharing stories. 

I love inspiring people through my stories.

I love connecting people together through my experiences and life musings.

I love helping others by sharing advice and lessons learned.

I love making a difference in someone's life through my words.

So, I've decided to dust off this blog...and start writing more. The past few months I've been nervous to write. I didn't have many happy, inspiring or motivating stories to share because I was emotionally exhausted.

Maybe someone will find inspiration in my struggles (not just my victories)?

Maybe someone can learn from my mistakes?

And maybe, I can difference in someone's life by being honest with my own emotions and challenges.

But no matter what, I'll be using every bit of talent God gave me.

Much love,
Ashley 

The Best Speech of My Life

"True love is finding the soul's counterpart in another."

To describe how happy I am for my sister and Will, I thought it would be perfect to share the speech I gave yesterday at the wedding reception.

So, here goes (and yes, I cried!!!):

Sarah, I hope you feel like the most beautiful girl the world…

because tonight, you truly are. 

I get goosebumps every time I see the way Will looks at you.

I am so happy for you both. 

I’ve known Sarah her entire life. I’m technically her older sister, but our relationship might prove otherwise. I will stick with 3 main examples that indicate how Sarah truly might be the older sister. So, our parents might have some explaining to do later…

Number One: When we were about 4 and 5 years old, the neighbor girl pushed me down the stairs headfirst. I decided to cry my eyes out – per usual, and Sarah chased the girl the entire way home – screaming at her the whole way. From that moment on, Sarah never wasted a second defending me when someone hurt me or put me down.

Number Two: Growing up, I always turned to Sarah for advice about boys, fashion, and friends. I wanted Sarah’s input on everything.

Number Three: When I was scared at night…usually fearing an alien invasion, evil ghosts, or a random tornado, I would crawl into bed with Sarah. I would wake her up and say, “Sarah – are you afraid? Do you want me to sleep with you?” She would never judge me or tell anyone about my fears, instead she would just scoot over and make room for me in her bed.


Now, I didn’t always appreciate Sarah as my “older sister.” I remember Grandma Kaye once telling us, “You’ll be best friends one day. I promise.”

But we both refused to believe her…we were simply different people.

• We hated sharing a room together.
• We hated sharing our birthday parties together.
• And we hated sharing friends.

But looking back, those were the best days of my life. I’ll never forget:

• Swimming at the city pool all day, even if we had softball games that night
• Skipping school to play barbies together
• Eating pizza and watching SNICK on Saturday nights
• Riding our bikes all around Decatur, even though we told mom we would only go around the block - sorry mom...
• And making ridiculous home movies

So, Grandma, you were right. Sarah is my best friend.

We had a blast growing up …because we had each other.

Sarah, I am so happy that you found someone to defend you when someone puts you down or makes you feel defeated. I can rest easy at night knowing you have someone to climb into bed with when you’re scared. And most importantly, I’m happy that you’ve found a new best friend to make you feel complete. 

Now to Will…

The first time I met Will I had a few drinks in me. That night, Sarah kept talking about this guy she met online. So by nature, I was a little nervous for her. Nothing against Will, but I just watch too much Investigation Discovery and Criminal Minds to be a normal person.

But once we pulled up, I looked over at Will and he looked pretty normal. I patted my sister on the back and said, “You’re good. Have fun.” I ended up meeting back up with Sarah and Will that evening because they picked me up from the bar. Once they walked in, I stood up and yelled, “Everyone here comes my sister and her soulmate, Will!” I just knew…

We spent the entire night:

• Laughing
• Eating chicken, bacon and ranch pizza
• And prank calling my husband, who was not impressed with me that night.

I knew Will would either love me or think I was the craziest person in the world. Maybe both. But I honestly couldn’t pick out a better man for Sarah. As Justin said earlier during the wedding ceremony, I haven’t seen my sister this happy in years.

Will, you are a true gentleman- your mother did a great raising you! You put family first. You make my sister so incredibly happy – and when you don’t, I am sure she lets you know…it takes a lot to marry a Bedwell girl. Call Justin for advice if you ever need it. But I know you will be:

• a wonderful husband to Sarah
• a great father to Braxen and Landen
• and amazing brother to me

We are so happy to welcome you and your family into ours.

So, let’s all raise our glasses and cheers to the beautiful and happy newlyweds.


Much love,
Ashley

Gotta Get Down on Friday

How far down?

31.5 lbs down.

Happy Friday.

Much love,

Ashley

You Need a Vacation: Night 2

How I Almost Ruined Our Vacation

I drank enough water before bed to wake up feeling pretty good. We had a free breakfast pass (again, thank you Hilton Honors Gold status), so that was an amazing way to start my day.

Then it was off to the gym, which was surprisingly nice! 

I wasn't in the running mood. Sometimes I feel like I could run for miles and miles, and other days I can't even run for more than 4 minutes. Unfortunately, I was the ladder.

So, I decided to do circuit training. Quick intervals of cardio broken up by sets of abs, squats and arm exercises.

And it wouldn't be a complete workout if I didn't take a picture of myself in the mirror.

But it wasn't long before I did the MOST AWFUL thing ever at the gym.

I WEIGHED MYSELF!

Number one, Aunt Flow is getting ready to visit so I am instantly 5+ lbs heavier!

Number two, I had drank all night.

Number three, I ate all day / night.

Weighing myself was a really bad idea. Did I mention that yet?

And when the scale said 229 lbs, I almost puked. 10 lbs.

Really? How does that even happen?

THANKFULLY Justin later weighed himself to confirm the scale was 5 lbs heavier than our scale at home.

Either way, I was so pissed off to see that number. And it showed when I came back to the room.

"What's wrong you?" Justin asked. He could sense something was wrong.

"I did something stupid," I said.

He was probably thinking I made out with the bell boy (joking) or spent a shit ton of money at the Macy's down the road (not joking, I really wanted to do that).

"I weighed myself," I admitted. I told him the dreadful number that I do not want to repeat outloud.

"Ashley, this happens every single month," Justin said. "You get ready to start your period and then you blow up! Okay that sounded really shitty, but you know what I'm saying. I put my arms around you at The Arch and it was a literally like I was squeezing a swollen uterus. You literally gain 5 to 10 lbs and are bloated for a few days!"

(See ladies, he can be a "guy" sometimes. He is not "cute" all of the time, but I truly appreciate his honesty so much!!)

"You're right," I said, still a little disappointed about the number...

"So you just have to prepare yourself for that and don't give up," Justin said. "Because in a week or so, you'll be back to your regular weight. But you can't freak out. You can't eat like shit and give up and think everything you're doing is worthless. Because you're doing great. Your hitting your goals. Just don't give up."

And with that mini pep talk, we headed off to the zoo. Penguins and elephants were certain to perk me up!

Projectile Penguins


 I was overly excited to see the penguins at the zoo. They are my absolute favorite. Next to the meerkats.

Shy Guy hiding behind the pimp cave (one penguin found a penny and brought it over to another penguin, who was hiding this cave. Thus, the pimp cave was established).

 It was morning time and apparently penguins are not morning folks. One penguin, who we will call Milo, came out of a cave and stretched his flippers in the air. Then he shook us little booty.

Justin pretended to read his mind and said, "Good morningggggg everyone!"

Then we watched as a few other penguins creeped out from the cave.

I was distracted by the booty shaking penguin, when Justin said, "Well hey - look at this little guy! I wonder what he is....OMGGG!"

Just then I looked over and saw a penguin bend over and project green poop all over the pimp cave, which Shy Guy was hiding behind. Like 10 year old boys, we couldn't stop laughing.

The pooping penguin, who we will call Otis, looked over at us and said, "I don't give a damn" and then walked back into his cave.

Otis was never seen again. But we talked about him and his splashing poop attack on Shy Guy once every 30 minutes until Sunday night.

We went on to see other beautiful animals, all of which reminded me of Bandit, and then we went to lunch at Fitz's.

Homemade Root Beer!

The food was pretty good! I settled on a turkey burger (no cheese) and seafood gumbo instead of fries. That was my attempt at eating healthy.

Next up, we went back to the hotel to take a nap and watch cable TV.

No vacation is complete without a mid-afternoon nap.

Sucking Heads off Crawfish

We woke up from the nap, well Justin woke up- I spent the afternoon watching murder mysteries (bad idea, I am still having problems sleeping).

Then we had our free drink from the bar (Red Bull and Vodka to kick off our night) before walking to  Broadway Oyster Bar.

"We are completely boring for doing the same thing two nights in a row," I said.

"No we aren't," Justin said. "If it ain't broken, don't fix it." 

Word. Broadway Oyster Bar is in my top 3 list of favorite restaurants ever!!

We ate oysters ( again) and decided to be brave and order a bucket of steamed crawfish!!

Eating crawfish was a true adventure. I was extremely nervous one of them would still be alive...and when I  reached into the bucket, it would pinch off my finger. Thankfully, that never happened.

The biggest crawdad in the bucket and he was all mine!

Sucking the juice out of the head.
Eating crawfish isn't exactly an attractive event.
I wouldn't do this on a first date.
Okay, you're right - I probably would.

You only live once, so why not eat some bottom dwellers?

After dinner, we went back to the hotel to change. I switched into my Gucci sweater (obviously) and we were off the Cigar Bar again.

Livin' better now, Gucci sweater now!

"I am so lucky to have a sexy wife who smokes cigars and tries to drink Jameson on the rocks," Justin said. "But you don't have to impress me anymore. I'll drink the rest of that if you want to."

I pretended to be hardcore. But I didn't know how to keep the cigar going and quickly traded my Jameson on the rocks for Justin's beer.

We went to another bar to finish watching the basketball game, which resulted in eating hummus and pita bread and calamari, which was drenched in ranch dressing.

I NEVER thought I would see the day when I did not want to eat ranch dressing on something, but let it be known that ranch dressing and squid DO NOT go well together. Don't try this at home kids...

Heading Home

St. Louis was the perfect weekend trip. I loved the buildings (except for The Arch pods!!!), the drinks, the FOOD (obviously), and most importantly the pooping penguin.

Until next time, St. Louis...

 Much love,
Ashley

Creeping into a Size 12

One month ago I bought these pants:

Size 14

One month ago these pants were tight.

Today, these pants are baggy.

The best part?

I've never worn them!!!!!

There is no reason for them to baggy....EXCEPT for losing some inches on my waist line!


I am creeping into size 12 pants.

And that, my lovely blog readers, is a huge accomplishment worth celebrating!!!!!

Off to watch The Hunger Games.

The real test will be resisting the buttery popcorn later...wish me luck!

Much love,
Ashley

Grow Happiness Under Your Feet

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."

All to often, we say we will be happy when we will get somewhere else. 

WHEN I lose 10 more lbs. 

WHEN I get a new job. 

WHEN I travel to this new place. 

WHEN I meet the perfect partner. 

WHEN I graduate from college. 

WHEN I leave this town.

But- that is the wrong theory.

Be happy where you are today.

My dad taught me at an early age that life is about the journey, not the destination. 

Much love,

Ashley