Giving Like Grandma Kaye

Today, I was thinking about Christmas gifts for the children that I tutor with at Indy School on Wheels. I have to give something that I can give to all the children. No child will (nor should ever) be left out. I would like to give something creative. Something to pass the time. Something they can do together. Something to make them smile.


I thought of the gifts I received when I was their age…and then the perfect gift popped into my mind.

Coloring books and crayons.

Every year for as long as I can remember, my Grandma Kaye got us coloring books and crayons for Christmas.

“I don’t care how old you get,” Grandma Kaye would say. “I don’t care if you are married…both you and your husband will be getting color books and crayons at Christmas from Grandma Kaye.”

It made me smile. A perfect present from the one of the most giving woman I have ever met in my life. Seriously. She has LITERALLY tried to give me the shirt off her back before…

“Honey girl... I bought this shirt, but I don’t know if I like it,” she would say. “I definitely think it’s YOU!”

Oh me. Oh my. Have you ever tried to tell your grandma to keep her shirt on? Yes, I have. Grandma Kaye, God love ya!

Celebration drink with Grandma Kaye at my college graudation party.

Smiling with Grandma Kaye at Grandpa's 70th Birthday party.

Grandma Kaye dancing..and being the life of the party!!

Grandma giving me a hug after I became Mrs. Sieb.

So, for Christmas this year- I want to give the kiddos at Indy School on Wheels something special. I want to get each of them a coloring book, their own set of crayons and a candy cane or other Christmas inspired treat. Inside each coloring book, I will include an inspirational quote or message. Maybe I will write something different each time. Maybe it will be the same message. I haven’t decided what I will write yet.

I just want them to feel special. Because they are.

I just want them to smile. Because it melts my heart.

I just want them to understand that you can give someone something special without spending a lot money. Because the best things in life are free.

I just want them to believe that there are better days ahead. Because their future is bright.

I just want them to be a kid. Because too many of these children are stripped from their childhood and forced to grow up too soon.

Much love,

Ashley

You Can Help Indy SOW Win a New Toyota!

This Thursday, I’ll attend a training session to begin my second year tutoring at @IndySOW (Indianapolis School on Wheels). One night a week, I meet beautiful children who been faced with extreme obstacles to overcome. They don’t have a home, but that doesn’t make them any different than any other kid. They still love to laugh. They still love to play. They still love draw pictures. They still love tell stories. All of the laughs, games, pictures, stories and homework we have shared together has shaped my life in countless ways.


I know that the Indy SOW team always thanks our volunteers and donors for everything we do, but really we should thank the children. For they are the ones who make me thankful for everything I have.

They make me realize what I don’t need.

They teach me how to love complete strangers.

They make me smile when they talk about their day.

And more importantly, they make me a better person.

Today, I get a chance to help these kiddos out one step further. Indy SOW has been selected as one of the non-profit organizations to receive new set of wheels (if they get the most votes).

“Toyota wants to salute do-gooders by giving 100 cars over 100 days to nonprofits that could really use a new set of wheels. And voters like you help decide which one gets a new ride every day.”

By taking less than five seconds out of your day, you can make a huge difference for these children and IndySOW.
Vote now: http://apps.facebook.com/carsforgood

Thank you for your vote & support for this amazing organization that does for much for the homeless children and parents in our community.

Much love,

Ashley

The Heart of the Child

Every single child I meet at tutoring changes my life. I remember every child's name I meet. I even bought a pair of earrings from a jewelry catalog because they were named "Kelsey" - a young girl I was blessed to work with for many weeks. I often put in my ears and smile, closing my eyes and picturing where she is at that moment. Hoping she is in a better place and praying she will remember me for the rest of her life.

Last night, I saw a dad walking in the hallway with a group of children. Only two of the children were school-aged, though.

That is when I saw him. He was so adorable and he gave me a small smile. He looked away and then quickly looked back at me to make sure I was still smiling at him.

I was.

I waved at him and he waved back, and then gave me his beautiful smile again.

He walked straight into the room and sat down right next to me. He didn't introduce himself, but he pulled out his homework and book. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Hi," I said. "My name is Ashley. What is your name?"

"Anthony*," he said back quietly.

From there, we started talking about his day. I learned that he was in first grade. He loves school. When Anthony grows up, he is going to protect the city: he will be a police officer. I don't doubt it. With his big heart and brilliant mind, I believe he can do absolutely anything he sets his mind to accomplishing. I told him that too.

Of course, he had math homework. I felt a confident because it was first grade math. He had story problems and one of the questions read, "Justin had four shells."

We were reading the sentence together and he stopped instantly when we read, "Justin!"

"That is my brother's name!" he said very excited.

"That's awesome," I said back. "My husband's name is Justin."

"Justin Bieber?" he asked. "Did you marry Justin Bieber?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Every single child asks me if I am married to Justin Bieber when I tell them my husband's name. Oh, popular culture.

"No," I said back smiling. "I didn't get marry Justin Bieber....but my Justin is awesome!"

"Well - we call my brother The Black Justin Bieber," he said. "Because he is black and sings."

"Well, hey - that makes sense...." I said and couldn't stop smiling.

He then went on to tell me that his dad hunts rabbits, dinosaurs, and lions. In that order....I simply love a child's imagination. They are dreamers. They have big hearts.

These children are living in a homeless shelter - something many of us have never experienced. I remember thinking sharing a room with my sister was so miserable; but really it was a blessing. Especially when I think about these young children...who don't even have a bed to call their own, let alone a room to share at their own house.

If you have even one hour - one night a week to spare - I would urge you to volunteer at Indy School on Wheels or another organization that helps children and families in need. Not only do these young, imaginative and driven children need positive role models in their life; they will inspire you to become a better person. They teach you to look at the world differently with a much larger heart; to cherish everything that you have and stop worrying about everything you want. Be thankful for everyone in your life. More importantly, they teach you to hold onto your childhood heart:

"To speak truly, few adult persons can see nature. Most persons do not see the sun. At least they have a very superficial seeing. The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and heart of the child. The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood."
 ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Much love,
Ashley

A Red Shirt

tutKayla marched into the tutoring room with her arms out like she was a zombie. She closed her eyes and smiled. I knew she saw me. And honestly, I was glad to see her too.

She walked around the room and acted like she didn't see me. It had been two weeks since I saw her last. So, I wasn't going to be surprised if she didn't remember me. Just as that thought crossed my mind, she started running my way. Her bookbag was flopping off her back and she jumped on my lap. She leaned her head down under my neck and wrapped her arms around me like a koala bear.

My heart instantly melted.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me down toward her.

"Hi Kayla! I missed you!" I said. "How was school today?"

She made some sort of a moan and started laughing.

"Ashley, do you want to be with Kayla again today?" the coordinator asked me.

"Yes, I'd love that!" I said. "What kind of homework do you have booger?"

I realized that I call everyone I love booger. Justin, Bandit, my nephews, my siblings and now Kayla.

"I don't have any homework!" she said.

Yeah, I've been there and said that - story of my life. Only when I said that, it was so I could go outside and play with the neighbor kids until my skin turned into dirt and my clothes were covered in grass strains. (Sorry mom!)

But she didn't have that option. So, maybe she didn't really have homework.

"Well, show me your folder and tell me what you did in school today!" I said.

"Yellow!" she said.

"Yellow? Did you learn the color yellow?" I asked.

"No yellow," she said. "I got yellow on the stop light."

I looked at her paper. She got in trouble for talking too much. Girl, welcome to the club, I thought. I was always getting called out for talking in class.

"Well, tomorrow you know what?" I said. "You will get a green color on the stoplight. Because you'll have a great day tomorrow. Why? Because I said so!"

We laughed together. It was almost as if we both knew she was going to ask "WHY!"

I walked over to the instructor and she whispered to me, "She is off her medicine!"

Poor girl, she is probably having a hard time adjusting without it.

I looked down at her and she made my heart melt. There she was, smiling up to me and holding my hand. My heart broke. She looked at me like I looked at MY mom when I was kid. She told me last time she doesn't have a mom...

Since she didn't have homework, we made a giant Valentine's Day card for her dad. We found a giant purple elephant to put on it. She named him, "Lemon".

 She was struggling at first to keep attention, but I kept trying to ask her questions and mix up the color of crayon she used. The change kept her on track because she couldn't get bored using the same crayon, writing the same words.

At one point, she stopped writing and put her head down.

"Kayla, what's wrong?" I asked. "Do you feel sick?"

She didn't say anything. She didn't look at me.

"Hey, look at me," I said.

She didn't look at me.

"Kayla, I need you to look at me because I have something important to tell you..."

She hesitated for a minute, but then smiled and looked up.

"I think you're awesome. I think you are smart and I think tomorrow will be a great day for you at school. I believe in you and I am so proud of you. Just always remember what I just said."

She smiled and we finished her card together. And I taught her how to draw hearts. No one had ever taught her how to draw a heart. The simplest shape with the most meaning, and no one ever took the time to teach her how to draw it. I wrapped my hand around hers, and together we drew a heart.

Her message to her dad was adorable:

"Dear Dad, I love you! Lemon loves you too. I think you're great. Happy Valentine's Day. - Kayla 2011"

When tutoring was over, I saw her run over to her dad. She jumped down next to him and handed the card to him. He got a huge smile on his face and opened it, "Dear Dad," he started. He looked down and smiled. Her shoulders were shrugged up like she was nervous and he looked back at the card, "I love you. Lemon loves you..."

It was a moment that I'll always rememeber. The two of them, sitting there, happy - sharing a moment of love. I can only hope they both remember to say "I love you" often.

******

These kids go through so much. And things that you and I would never think of ever wishing for -- they do. My friend Sarah Frey tutors in a homeless shelter through Indy School on Wheels too. She is actually the person who encouraged to me to start tutoring and get involved with SOW.  Sarah told me a story that I want to share you, which truly sums up what these kids wish for on their birthdays.

The student she worked with had a birthday coming up. We aren't allowed to give the students presents or money because they don't want to start anything among the other kids or parents. Its kind of the rule "if you can't give to all, give to none" and the shelter has unqiue rules too. Like no food in their rooms.

Sarah asked the young girl what she wanted for her birthday. Most kids her age would say a Wii, a computer, a cell phone or maybe an iPad. A vacation. Or even a lot of money. Do you know what this young girl asked for? The only thing she wanted....a red shirt.

Just think about that tonight. Be thankful for all that you have and stop worrying about what you WANT to have- chances are you have a red shirt in your closet and don't even think twice about it. So, when your cell phone breaks or you can't order the new iPhone. Or when you are mad you didn't get enough money back on your tax return to take that vacation to Cabo - remember this, there is a girl in the world who wants nothing more than a red shirt. Her very own shirt that may be handed down or bought at a thrift store.

Much love,
Ashley

Be Kinder Than Necessary...

Last night was a struggle. The entire hour was a struggle working with the young girl at tutoring. By the end of my night, I realized my struggle only lasted an hour. Her struggle will likely last a lifetime.

“Okay Ashley, Miss Kayla will need to focus,” the coordinator said. “She likes to get up and walk around. So maybe do that every 10-15 minutes.”

She was a trip the moment she walked in the door. She had a cell phone, from like 1990, that didn’t work. Her book bag was open and flopping around wildly. She had just taken a shower and her hair was a messy and hardly brushed. (I remember those days!!) But more importantly, she had a big smile on her face, even as she bossed around her older sister. Yes, she was the boss and a year younger.

I had my hands full.

I only majored in Elementary Education for about 3 months, so I never got to learn how to teach children with attention disorders. You have to connect with them on a different level. Your approach needs to be different, and you can never, never act annoyed or mad- because it fuels the fire. I did know these things coming into tutoring, and these facts were confirmed last night.

“Hi, I’m Ashley,” I said smiling at her.

“Kayla!” she screamed in my face. (again, I've changed her name for the sack of privacy).

“So, what kind of homework do you have tonight?” I asked her.

“Math!” she screamed again.

Of course you do, I said in my head. Again, I am horrible at math and just the sound of the word "math" makes me want to curl up and hid under a desk.

Thank the Lord, it was simple math problems.

“Will you read me the instructions, Kayla, so I know what you are doing?” I said.

“No, I can’t read!” she said back.

She started looking around the room. Down the hallway. On the ground. In her book bag. The last thing she wanted to do…. was her homework.

“I’ll bet you can! I’ve heard you are a smart girl. Show me how smart you are and read me these instructions. I believe in you!” I said.

She looked at me. She didn’t smile, but she didn’t frown. Almost a blank stare. It was as if no one had said that in her entire life. No one has ever said those four sweet words, “I believe in you!”

“Write in the missing number,” said read to me quickly and correctly.

“Great job! I knew you could read that, so let’s do the first problem together. What number is that?” I said and pointed to the paper.

I didn’t know if pointing where we were reading would help, but I thought it would help keep your attention. And it surely worked.

But half way through the problems, she started drifting off again. She looked down at her sister. And then at the kids behind her in the cafeteria. Down at her feet. She took off her shoe. Flipped it around. Tilted the chair back.

“How about we stay focused here and you finish these problems and then we will walk around the hallway for a minute. Sound good?” I asked.

“YES!” she screamed back.

She flew through her problems. I guided her by pointing at where we were and asking what the first number was – but she did everything on her own. And got every single question correct. I was proud.

She wasn’t a fan of reading. That was clear from the beginning. But I refused to let her cave and give up. We did it together.

She got some string cheese for a snack and all she could talk about was how she wanted more. I told her she needed to share and make the other kids got their cheese too. But she wanted more. And I actually felt bad for telling her to just wait and see if there was any left. She was probably really hungry. I wondered how many nights or days she went without eating before….

Eventually, I learned more about her life when I asked her what she wanted to do when she grows up.

“I want to be a doctor!” she said.

Before I could respond, she changed her mind. “No, I want to be a cleaner!”

“A cleaner?” I asked. “What kind of cleaner?”

“I want to clean my own room!” she said.

Number one, that broke my heart because she doesn’t have her own room. In fact, the rooms in the shelter are about the size of your closet and have two bunk beds. That’s about it.

“Well, I’m sure that will make your mommy happy!” I said.

She looked at me and with a cold stare she said, “I don’t have a mommy.”

My heart sank and I just stared at her. I truly didn’t know what to say to make this situation right. I’d never had to deal with this and my mind was racing. Everything was suddenly making sense and I knew why she was acting like this and treating me this way…she’s never had a mother, or probably a positive female role model in her life.

One of the older tutors saw my blank expression, even though it lasted for a second, my mind drifted away reflecting through all the years of her life. The woman said, “Well then your daddy will be proud!”

She later told me that her daddy went to jail for hitting her mom. Poor child. She simply has been through more in her 7 years of life than most people go through throughout their entire life. It broke my heart and I want so badly for her to realize her worth. She will clean her own room one day after she gets off her shift at the hospital, being a doctor.

Always appreciate what you have in life. Someone will always have it worse than you, often way worse than you. You might complain about cleaning your house, but at least you have one. You might complain about cooking dinner, but at least you have your own kitchen. To cook your own food. That you bought. With your own money. Also, tell your parents how much you love them, especially if they provided for you in countless ways growing up. Because some kids have never heard their parents tell them “I believe in you” or even the most important of all, “I love you- no matter what.”

I’m serious, call them now and say thank you! Or if they are no longer here with us, send up a thank you prayer or blessing. They’ll get it, I’m sure.

I’ll close with an important quote that I was reminded of after my tutoring session, “Be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle.”

Much love,
Ashley

We Learn Together

I found myself day dreaming about the child I would meet tonight at tutoring. What would their life be like? What would be their favorite subject? Please like writing, I thought. Please don't have math homework, I prayed. Unless, the math invovled counting by using skittles or M&M's. Then, I am on board. I'm just not a math person, but I smiled thinking about how the child would probably be teaching me by the end of the night.

And she did.


***
When I first walked into the shelter, I saw two children laying on the floor. I didn't see the dad at first because all my attention went to the sad look in little girls' eyes. I think they were trying to into the shelter that night.

I smiled at her, but she didn't smile back. I understand why she didn't smile back- but I will honestly never truly understand because I haven't lived through what she is right now. And she is only four years old.

I said a silent prayer as I walked by, closing my eyes and sending them all my love, courage and hope.

***

I was one of the first tutors in the classroom. I quickly bonded with the other tutors, most of them were women in their 30s and 40s. A young teenage girl walked in next, and then a young boy with his mother, who I met at the training session. He was so excited to be there, so ready to help another kid out. It almost brought tears to my eyes. Just looking at his bright smile made me happy. He truly couldn't wait to start working with the children. He will do great things in life; he is only 11, but I am positive he will make a big difference in this world.

I saw a big group of young girls walk in. That's when I saw her. She was beautiful. She had on bright pink boots and bright yellow t-shirt. She was happy to be there and rushed right up to the program coordinator.

The coordinator looked at me and paired me up with Rhianna the moment she walked in the room. (I am changing her name for her privacy).

She leaned down and whispered in Rhianna's ear, "Go show her how smart you are!"

The young girl gave me a shy smile and I said, "Hello, Rhianna. My name is Ashley. How are you?"

"Hi," she said and gave me a small wave.

She grabbed her folder and we walked into the cafeteria together.

"What did you do at school today?" I asked.

"I learned about Martin Luther King Jr.," she said.

"Oh yeah, what did you learn?" I asked.

"Well, his birthday is coming up," she said. "And I also learned about Rosa Parks."

"What did you learn about Rosa?" I asked her.

"Well, she was on a bus. And all the white people made her move to the back of the bus. Because there was some kind of law about that."

"Well, did she move to back?" I asked.

"Nope- she didn't!" she said.

"Well that is a good lesson in life, Rhianna," I said. "You have to stand up for yourself. I hope you always do."

She smiled and nodded back at me.

***

"What is your favorite subject?" I asked her.

"Reading!" She said and got excited.

"I love to read! We can read some of your book together later on tonight," I said.

And that was the beginning. She loved to read and so did I. She loved to write and so did I. And she didn't have math homework. What a perfect first night for me. Even better, she was excited to be there and learn together.

***

We did her homework, which took us all of five minutes because she is so smart.

Then, we did reading together. I read two pages and then she read two pages. She was an excellent reader. She jumped right in where she left off.

And one time, I overlooked a word. And she looked at me and said, "Any- you missed the word any!"

"You are right!" I said. "I did miss that word. Look at you, catching my mistakes and teaching me. Good job!" I said.


***

Then we played educational trivia. She literally asked me 4 math questions in a row. Seriously.

"You know, I am really not good at math," I said. "I'll bet you are better than me. So take it easy on me with these math questions."

We smiled. But I wasn't kidding- no more math questions or I'll be getting tutored.

***

Toward the end of our session together, we did another reading and writing exercise. She was suposed to draw a picture of herself and then I asked her questions about herself.

She drew a beautiful picture of herself with so much detail. The little beads in her hair. The looped earrings she was wearing. The big smile. She had it all drawn up perfectly.

"Alright, we already wrote your name. So how old are you?" I said.

She didn't say anything out loud. Instead she wrote her answer, 7 years old. I thought it was cute that she didn't just write the number 7- she wrote it out like she would have answered.

"What is your favorite color?" I asked.

Again she wrote it down. Pink and blue.

"What is your favorite food?" I asked.

She wrote down meat. I thought that was cute. I was guessing maybe pizza or tacos, but instead she just put meat.

"What kind of meat do you like?" I asked.

"Meat," she said. So, at this point I am imagining a huge chunk of ground hamburger. Raw. For some reason that is all I thought of.

"Well, chicken! And fish!" She said with excitement. Adorable.

"What is your favorite thing to do?" I asked.

She wrote down her answer, but I couldn't read it all the way.

"Play?" I asked, which is what most kids would say.

"No," she said and looked down. She looked back at me with her bright and hopeful eyes, "Pray."

My heart filled with joy and I got goosebumps.

"I like to pray too," I said. "What do you pray for?"

Confidently she answerd, "God. And my family."

I smiled at her,  she is so young and she has the whole world in front of her. She might not know this, but I will pray for her and her family too. I will pray that she realizes her worth and continues to excel in school. I will pray that her and her family get back on their feet soon. She will do great things in life. I just know it. I can't wait to see her again next week.

When I got home tonight, I had a huge smile on my face. It was a combination of the Starbucks I had earlier, the Chinese food in my hand, and most importanly- my night with Rhianna.

"How was it baby?" Justin asked me.

"It was perfect. I am so glad that I am doing this..." I said and told him everything I just told you about the beautiful and talented Rhianna.

"I am so glad babe! I'm just suprised you didn't come home with all of the kids from the shelter," he said.

"Don't give me any ideas," I said.

Because really, if I had a bigger place. I would. I would invite them all in. Feed them. Read with them. Teach them how to cook. Talk about their dreams. And pray with them.

Much love,
Ashley