Third Trimester Revelations: Part 2

With just 6.5 weeks left of my pregnancy journey, I’ve come to realize a few more fun facts about my journey and experience.

The pregnancy journey can change who you are and your outlook on life.

“Oh yeah- I’m definitely going to work,” I said confidently. “I could NEVER stay at home with my kid all day. I would go crazy. I mean, I think it’s absolutely amazing and admirable that some women are full-time moms. That’s a huge job. But I’m not sure it’s for me. I need to work and talk to people and have grown up conversations.”

My sister just smiled. As a mother of two boys, she knows differently.

“It’s going to be harder than you think,” she said. “Returning to work will, that is.”

“Oh, I’ll be fine!” I said. “I’ll probably be ready to go back!”

That was 30 weeks ago.

Now approaching 34 weeks, the thought of leaving my little man in the hands of someone else makes me want to cry. Or puke. Maybe both.

And he isn’t even here yet.

So, my sister is absolutely right. Leaving little Cooper will be so much harder than I originally thought. Now don't get me wrong...working is still important to me. And I definitely plan on going back to work. But my outlook has changed.

I realized that I will bawl my eyes out when I walk from the door.

I realized that I probably won’t WANT to return to work....

But I know that my awesome coworkers will have a pumpkin spice latte and hugs waiting for me when I get to the office.

The journey through pregnancy is amazing – and truly does change you as a person. And I have yet to truly uncover HOW I will change as a person. I often wonder how different I will become after Cooper arrives. Only time will tell…

Drugs vs. No Drugs is a daily conversation.

To be honest, I’d love to deliver naturally. My mom had all four children naturally and Justin’s mom delivered naturally as well. My sister had her first son naturally. Now, I pass NO judgment to women who get epidurals. In fact, I might be one of them because I am not 100% opposed to getting an epidural either …I mean…a small pumpkin is coming out of my vagina. And tearing – that’s a real deal.  A scary deal.

So when it comes to drugs vs. no drugs – I’m trying to have an open mind. And let my experience determine my decision. I could end up like the woman on What to Expect When You’re Expecting who has a wonderful delivery and sneezes to push her twins out. (Unlikely and if I push out twins, we have bigger issues to worry about).

But either way, I know I'll look like this:

Me in a few short weeks.

I don’t have a birth plan.

Shocked, aren't you? I know, I know - I am such a planner! But...

So many pieces of this puzzle are out of my control. 

With that in mind, you know what my birth plan is? Have a healthy baby and make it out alive. So, I guess that's kind of a plan. 

I’d love to have my water break naturally- when I am walking around the mall or walking with Justin and Bandit around the block.

I’d love to relax and just walk around my house showering and putting on make-up like Kortney Kardashin did before heading to the hospital. 

I’d love to have Bandit by my side the entire time. Seriously though – can he come?

"This is my service dog, Bandit. We just lost his blue jacket."

I’d love to have John Mayer music playing in the background.

Or enjoy a hot bath to fight through the pain.

But you know what? I honestly don’t even know what to expect. I mean, I know what to expect in the grand scheme of things….but  I have no idea what to plan for….so I'm going in with an open mind.

I'll pray.

Ask lots of questions.

Walk around when I can.

And eat a big meal before I go to the hospital. Otherwise, I’ll be a hangry monster to everyone who crosses my path.

Story of my life.

I’m enjoying every little moment I have left during this pregnancy.

Cooper has been moving around like CRAZY lately. I mean, Loch Ness Monster style. Justin even felt him moving around before bed the other night, which made my heart so happy because Justin has only felt Cooper kick one other time.

There are days when I am swollen.

Crazy swollen feet update: My feet look AWESOME. I'm not swollen at all right now. My lack of swelling is probably a combination of the cooler weather, watching my sodium / diet, being my active, wearing comfortable grandma sandals, and propping my feet up!  

My feet looking "thin" today.

And more days when I have heartburn that stops me in my tracks.

Truth. Fart burn WOULD be worse.

There are days when I feel pressure and cramping down there because he is preparing for the “Big Splash” as my UK coworker once said.

There are days when I piss my pants because I sneeze, laugh, or simply don’t make it to the bathroom in time.

There are days when I am bottomless pit and eat so much that I am convinced I have another food baby inside of me.

But every day – every single day – I take a few minutes to place my hands on my belly, close my eyes, and enjoy the moment that I am experiencing.

I have two hearts beating inside of me. 

I have a tiny little person full of personality (I’m sure), amazing dance moves (obviously), and a bright future growing inside of me.

It’s absolutely amazing.

And in those moments, I ignore all of the side effects and emotional breakdowns I’ve had….and I just remind myself how truly blessed we are to experience the miracle of life.

See you soon, Coop!

Much love,
Ashley

P.S. Here is Part 1 of my (Early) Third Trimester Revelations. 

5 Things Cooper Loves Already

I told you on Monday how nervous I was about not feeling Cooper move around very often.

Well guys, I'm happy to report my little man has been a wiggle worm lately!

No, not any dramatic movements or punches that nearly knock me down to the ground.

(Which is probably a good thing).

He doesn't seem like he will be a boxer or a member of Fight Club,

But I've been feeling him move around and slightly "fist bump" me - just to tell me he is okay.

Life is good.

He is fine.

We are both fine.

I have noticed Cooper moves around more when I do any of the following things:

1 - Watch Pretty Little Liars.

Thank goodness for Netflix.

2 - Eat buffalo chicken dip.

My food crush.

3 - Listen to the song "Blurred Lines."

What rhymes with hug me?

4 - Drink a coconut mocha iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts.

I know, I feel like I'm cheating on Starbucks.

5 - Snuggle with Bandit.

Best big bro ever.

Seems like Cooper and I will have similar tastes in TV shows, food, music, food, and animals. 

Much love,
Ashley

(Early) Third Trimester Revelations

Cankles really do exist. I have them. And I imagine they will be way worse when walking around in Vegas  in 100+ degree weather. Hilarious t-shirt pics coming soon.

The Victoria Secret’s semi-annual sale is taking place right now. I’m about to stock up on classy granny panties.

Belly shirts are coming back. And I am participating in this trend if I don’t wear proper maternity clothes that are bump friendly.

Heartburn is now expected on a daily basis.

Sometimes I get stains on my shirt and I have no clue because I can’t see it.

Not everyone experiences the same pregnancy journey. By now, some people say that people can see their belly move + their significant other can feel the baby externally. We haven’t had that much luck, but I can feel Cooper moving around in there. In our company meeting last week, he punched me so hard I almost yelled out something like Steve Carell on 40 Year Old Virgin.

Back pain will disrupt your sleep schedule. And you can throw your back out simply by going to the bathroom on a non-supportive toilet. Trust me, it happened two weeks ago.

You will constantly feel like you have to pee. And often, you don’t end up peeing more than a few drops.  I miss being able to pee fiercely and loudly. So. Much. Pressure.

I also always grab my belly + cross my legs when I laugh.
If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

Shaving my legs is becoming a chore. And my leg probably looks like an alien crop circle (aka I miss hair in some areas only). On that note, hair is growing in unimaginable (unseen to me) places and my husband politely called me out / offered to help out during these next few weeks. God love him.

I'm DYING to see how many epic photobombs Bandit will do to Cooper. He's already a master with me:

I couldn't love him more.

Our nursery isn’t complete yet, but as long as we have a healthy baby and a crib – everything will be fine (or so that’s what I remind myself when I walk by the empty room with blank walls and closet full of random clothes).

I bought Cooper THREE OUTFITS for $11 bucks at Once Upon A Child. Seriously. He will be the cutest little guy. Justin, obviously, thinks I am dressing him “too hipster” or “preppy” but personally, I think he will be adorbs!

I eat whatever I want. I’m not going to pretend that I’m being healthy 100% of the time.

I do try to get my fruits and veggies in, but sometimes the cravings win. I honestly considered punching Justin, knocking him out, and putting him in the back seat with Bandit if he didn’t stop to eat me ice cream yesterday. But tonight, tonight  - I am eating healthy!!! Salmon, veggies, and fruit salad.Let’s just hope I don’t waddle down the frozen pizza isle or I am in deep trouble.

My sister told me that I am officially waddling now.

I can only hope I look as CUTE as these penguins when I waddle.

I literally want to squeeze people and kiss them on the forehead every single time they tell me I look beautiful + I’m glowing + I look like I’ve hardly gained any weight / I’m all belly. You could be lying. You are probably lying. But thank you.

The bump does, however, look pretty stellar in this new dress.
Let's just hope it fits in a few weeks for my first shower!!

You should, however, tell me the truth about certain things including food stuck in my teeth, pit stains, back sweat stains, and butt sweat stains. It might be uncomfortable for you to expose these mishaps, but I will still love you.


Much love,
Ashley

What If?

When I first found out I was pregnant, I promised myself that I wouldn't Google any of the following:

• What can go wrong with pregnancy?
• What are all of the birth defect out there?
• How can people die giving birth?
• What causes a still birth?

NOT that I don't want to be educated about these topics ....because these are all possibilities.

No pregnancy is the same.

No birthing process is the same. 

No baby is the same.

However, I didn't want to obsess over the negative.

And most importantly, I didn't want to play the "What If?" game my entire pregnancy.

I'd be lying if I said those thoughts don't cross my mind.

And sometimes I do get caught up in playing that dangerous game.

But I know that everything happens for a reason.

God has a master plan.

Last month, we had to decide if we wanted to do additional testing to help determine if Baby Sieb has certain birth defects.

These tests aren't covered by our insurance.

And they're very costly.

Not to mention, even if the tests come back to reveal Baby Sieb has a certain birth defect or Down Syndrome...there isn't much they can do....

And guess what?

We will love our little one no matter how he or she enters this world.

So we opted out of the tests.

Obviously this doesn't help battling with the "What If?" mind game - because those questions are still out there.

However, I've decided to focus on other aspects of my pregnancy journey...

I've spent my time writing and reading books that provide the education I need to fill those "What If?" gaps without obsessing over anything.

At our 20 week ultrasound on April 17th, we will find out the gender of our baby + they can tell us more about our baby's development.

We're obviously praying for a healthy and happy baby.

That's our only wish.

But, what if something is wrong?

What if....

Well- then that's just part of the journey.

In the meantime, I'm just going to cruise with the windows down.

And enjoy the sunshine and bliss that pregnancy brings into our lives each day. 

Much love,
Ashley

A Safe Word

"We need a safe word," I told Cayla four months ago. "Something that you can say when I am super emotional or upset....but it can't be something that will make me even more angry...."

Looking back, I'm not sure if Cayla or I choose the word "lemon" - but that's what we picked!

Maybe it's because lemons are sour and I shouldn't be a sour person.

Or maybe it's because pregnancy made me fall deeply in love with fresh lemonade!

But, either way, lemon.

That's our safe word.

My morning started out great. I woke up with enough time to shower AND cook breakfast, which was a victory considering how I have problems sleeping these days.

Every SINGLE night I wake up between 1:30 and 3:15 am.

Every.

Night.

I usually have a nightmare...

The majority of the time someone is breaking into our house or kidnapping me.

I always grab Justin's arm.

"Babe, did you hear that?" I ask him every night.

Usually there is nothing to be heard...

He grunts. 

Then I try to wake up Bandit and make him cuddle with me.

He wants nothing to do with me.

Neither of them do.

So, I turn on the TV.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is at 2:30.

And then TMZ's gossip show comes on around 3.

Justin groans and tells me that I'm out of control.

And asks me to go in another room.

I refuse.

I do some Facebook stalking for about 30 minutes.

And then try to lay back down, with the glow of the TV helping me spot robbers, rapists, and kidnappers that try to enter my room. Oh, and evil spirits / ghosts, which I also hallucinate. 

Well, last night - someone drove by our house and picked up some old lawn furniture we left out for someone to grab OR the trash man to take away....

I hear the car down slam shut and then hear what sounds like an alien space ship crashing into our driveway aka the person chucked the heavy furniture into the back of the truck.

BANG!

Justin and I both wake up....and we both know, that I'm going to be up for the next hour or so.

So sleep, yeah, I'm not getting much of it these days- which probably adds to my moodiness.

Anyway, the weatherman was hilarious this morning. He made me laugh for about 20 minutes straight because he said, "And it's just what everyone loves to hear...today is a dry hump day!"

But things happen and people say things and then I get annoyed / frustrated.

I told Cayla I was having one of those days where everyone and everything makes you upset.

Eventually, it was time for lunch and I ate my emotions (obviously, you knew that was coming).

Then, I felt the guilt sink in....I told Justin we needed to make a dinner under 400 calories. I made plans to take a walking break later in the afternoon, run 1.5 miles with Bandit, and then hit up the gym for the elliptical.

When I walked back to my desk, I found the most perfect gift.

Two lemons.

And a card.

To you, this just two lemons and a card.
To me, this a day maker.

How did Cayla know I ate my emotions at Panera today?

Everyone needs a safe word.

And wonderful friends.

Much love,
Ashley

Body Glide Isn't Just for Runners

Did I just put on Body Glide to walk around the house in my nightie?

Yes.

Yes I did.

And I feel so much better.

Much love,
Ashley

And I Peed My Pants.... At Work

I knew the moment would come....

When I pissed my pants from either laughing or sneezing too hard!

And guess what?

No shocker here...it was from laughing!

My boss pranked my best friend at work by placing a dead tarantula spider under his St. Patty's Day hat. Yes, my boss just has a dead spider in his office that he randomly scares people with...Reason #423 why I love my company.

I couldn't even look at Chad without stumbling my words and almost spilling the beans!!! I felt so guilty, but I was secretly excited to see his reaction.

Anyway, I was telling my friend Scott about the situation and Scott (who is also afraid of spiders) made me laugh so hard that I crossed my legs.

"You're going to pee, aren't you?" Scott asked while trying not to laugh.

And then it happened.

I literally felt it coming.

At first it was just a tinkle.

But then Scott started laughing.

So I literally peed more.

"OMG!" I said. "I am peeing! You have to get out of here!"

"This isn't the last time this will happen," Scott said walking out of the office while cracking up!

I put my drink down and ran to the bathroom.

And while I'm typing this blog post, I finally remember where I put my drink....I've been looking for it all day....

Hahah the many joys of pregnancy!

I hope you're having a happy Friday. If not, you didn't piss yourself at work, so just be thankful for that....

The good news is...Baby Sieb and I tied for first place (with Cayla) in the Iasta Leprechaun contest today.
Redemption.

Much love,
Ashley

I'm (Almost) Back

I was going to blog on Sunday, but that would require leaving my bed.

I literally spent the entire day napping (and it was glorious).

Let's recap my weekend!

On Friday night, I had dinner with my friends from high school - nothing makes me happier than my hometown crew.

But before I went out, I finally got my package containing my new baby bump t-shirt.

Only to my surprise, it was the wrong t-shirt!

Just three years late on this one...

Although Justin and I both decided it will be super hilarious to rock this shirt at the gym when I am mega pregnant.

Stay tuned for those pictures.

Anyway, Saturday afternoon we had lunch with Justin's Uncle and his girlfriend at Barcelona Tapas (my favorite place ever). This time, however, I didn't have the sangria. It was bittersweet.

On Saturday evening, I worked at event with My Best Friend's Hair and Hair Mafia. They launched a new tool for stylists to make more money (at no cost and zero risk), sell more products, and have better relationships with their clients! I'm not a hair stylists, but this new product inspires me! So, I was SUPER excited to be a part of the launch party.

I got there around 5 pm to help with event set-up. I wasted no time chatting with one of my new favorite people ever (that's you Megan Giannini) while we stuffed gift bags for our guests.

Meg looks super yet.
My left eye looks black?
Typical.

I ended up running errands with Rachel most of the night.

Partner in Crime!

Then I got back for my hair and make-up. I truly felt like a celebrity- getting pampered for a big event.

I haven't felt this beautiful and awake in weeks!
Thank you for the pre-event makeover, MBFH!

While I was getting my make-up done (I feel in love with my stylist and want her to move in + do my make-up daily), I was reminded how lucky Justin and I am to be on this journey together. One of her close friends tried to get pregnant for years and years. They finally decided to adopt, but then the adoption fell through...it was one heart break after other. Finally (a few weeks ago), an adoption went through and they now have a little girl.

I walked away holding back tears and counting my blessings. 

Anyway, later in the evening I had to make a booze run! When I got back Mel (my close friend and Marketing Manager for MBFH) helped me carry in one of the boxes.

She saw the little package of newborn diapers that my sister, Sarah, recently gave me.

"Oh my gosh," she said and put her hand on her chest. "This just makes me want to cry. I want you to know how happy I am for you guys. When you told me you were pregnant, I literally cried at work. Seriously- I'm so happy for you guys..."

I'm so very lucky and thankful to be surrounded by such supporting and loving people. I've always admired Mel, long before she was a mother. But now that I've seen her grow-up and become one of the best mom's I know...I'm even more inspired by her motherly instincts, beauty, intelligence, and heart. On her days off, she really is "off" - she takes her son to swim glass, drum glass, and they never miss out on an opportunity to explore and be outside.

"It's really important to me that Charlie has a sense of adventure," Mel said when I told that I love how much fun her and Charlie have together.

After bonding over newborn diapers and babies, the hair show began! These girls killed it on the runway and I loved all of their styles!

The models all lined up at the end of the show.
Photo credit: Megan Giannini.

Overall, Saturday evening was a total blast. I made new friends.

Chrissy's energy and smile is so contagious!
Love her!

 And caught up with old friends. 

I love this girl beyond words! Such a great surprise to see you, Abby!

 And I spent most of Sunday recovering.

So, I'm almost back! I was able to stay up past midnight on Saturday, which is almost a pregnancy record for me!

I really can't wait for that second trimester energy boost!

Okay, The Bachelor is on (guilty pleasure) so I'm done rambling.

Much love,
Ashley

Club Fetus

There was a party today at Club Fetus, but only Baby Sieb was invited!

Seriously, we saw our little Nemo dancing!

Okay, maybe Baby Sieb was just super pumped about having arms and legs instead of nubs.

But there we were, waiting for the ultrasound tech to say something about our baby's developments or my cysts, and then Baby Sieb started wiggling like crazy!!

I honestly wish I could have recorded it.

I mean really, have you ever seen a 10 week old fetus dancing?

Our little one gets it honest.

The heart beat was 158 beats per minute.

And the best news!?

Your prayers and good vibrations paid off....

BYE, BYE, CYSTS!!

Nearly all of the cysts are gone in my left ovary! And the cysts in the right ovary are shrinking dramatically. The doctor said I have nothing to worry about and they should be gone in the next few weeks as my hormones start to "level out."

The ultrasound tech did a few 3D ultrasound images. She warned me it might look a little creepy, but we all agreed it was VERY cool! 

The lights in the club must be too bright.
Baby Sieb rubbing his / her eyes.

Baby Sieb throwing his / her arms in the air + wiggling the booty.

Our little Nemo is growing and healthy as can be for 10 weeks!

After the ultrasound, Justin left. And I was back in the lobby waiting for my next appointment. I had to get my pap done.

So, you know I was looking forward to that (sarcasm). I had to put on that uncomfortable gown. The gown must be opened in the front so my boobs and belly keep flopping out every five seconds. And then I would frantically cover up as if someone was in the room with me....

This went on for about 45 minutes. 

After nearly an hour "patiently" waiting, I got so frustrated that I chucked my phone across the room on my bag.

As if that did any good...I felt like a jackass, but I'll blame the hormones for my pregnancy rage. I walked over, well more like waddled over, and tried not to overexpose myself to "said ghost of room 8" ...and then I put the phone back in my purse.

Just then, the doctor walked in and said he had an emergency surgery that afternoon. He apologized that no one told me he was running behind. I felt like he read my mind. OR there is a patient video camera rolling for the front desk ladies to review at all times, which would mean they saw my dramatic episode.

To ease my mind, they could have simply said, "Ashley, the doctor is running behind today by nearly an hour. Go ahead and order a pizza while you're waiting. The place next door will deliver and they have the best ranch dressing ever."

That, of course, is what happens in my fantasy world...where you can eat pizza for every meal and everyone has perfected the ranch dressing like Decatur Pizza Hut and Scotty's Brewhouse.

But, I love my doctor and he made me feel SUPER comfortable during the exam, which as many of you know, can be awkward and uncomfortable. 

"Everything looks great!" Dr. Jim said. "And your cysts are shrinking on their own, so that's wonderful. In just a few weeks, you'll be back here telling me that you feel like your normal self again. I promise you'll get your energy back soon, kiddo! Oh, and Pepper (that's the nurse who I love) told me a good story about you and your husband the other day!"

"Oh, she did?" I laughed, wondering which story she could have picked.

"Yeah," he said. "The story about how you two met- I love it. That's priceless."

"Ahhh," I said. "Yes- good ol' beer pong! Last Valentine's Day, I reenacted the night we first met! I set-up a beer pong table. At first I couldn't find ping pong balls so I thought about playing with small red potatoes!"

We both laughed.

"Well, it sounds like you have marriage figured out," Dr. Jim said. "It's about having fun together. And keeping the love alive."

When I get home from the doctor, I was starving. I went straight for the fridge and got some cottage cheese. I looked up and Justin was starring at me with a big smile on his face.

"What?!" I said. "Are you juding a pregnant woman for eating? Because you probably shouldn't!"

"No," he said, still smiling. "I just love you. I was starring at you and smiling before you even put that potato chips in your cottage cheese."

I shoved a chip in my mouth and said, "Well, I love you, too!"

Maybe we don't have marriage completely figured out. 

But Justin and I do have fun.

And we do everything in our power to keep the love alive- even when one of us is snarky and snacking on cottage cheese and sour cream and cheddar chips. 

Don't judge until you try it. 

Much love,
Ashley

The Positive Aspect of High Risk

Don't Google image search for anything I'm about to tell you.

I made that mistake and I'm scarred for life.

Just take my descriptions + non-artistic drawing and go on with your night. Or else you will think I have baby aliens growing inside of me too...

Anyway, if you do decide to Goolge ovarian cysts, you are NOT allowed to say I didn't warn you.

When Justin and I went in for ultrasound number one, it was not what I expected. This is my first lesson in parenting: few things go as planned. Therefore, patience is virtue.

I wasn't sure how far along I was...but because my last period was in November and there was a CHANCE I could be 8 weeks, so they scheduled my first appointment anyway.

I remember sitting in the ultrasound room with Justin and I had the nervous shakes.

I was cold.

I didn't know what to expect.

My cramps were awful.

I'm not saying I am super woman, but I do think I have a pretty strong pain tolerance.

But these cramps...well...they brought tears to my eyes.

I remember climbing into the shower one night after a long day at work and I just started crying.

"If this is what pregnancy is like, I am doomed," I said to myself.

The pain was so bad that my only way to eliminate my pain was to sleep (and you guys know I haven't had a problem doing that lately).

Anyway, back in the ultrasound room the tech lubed up the vaginal ultrasound machine (which ironically had a condom on it).

At first, she went to my ovaries...but I didn't know that's what she was doing.

I just saw giant circles...and I looked at Justin with a confused look on my face.

"Oh my," she said. "Well, no wonder you've had a lot of cramping. You've got quiet a few cysts filled with fluid."

Cysts?

Fluid?

But where is my baby!!!

Don't I have a baby in there!?!

What the hell am I looking at?!

I remember seeing at least three large black circles and a few smaller ones.

"So, what does that mean?" I finally asked.

"Well, it looks like you're filled with ovarian cysts," she said. "And they're pretty large."

She kept taking pictures of each cysts.

Measuring each one.

"Like, how large?" I asked.

"Well, they are about double in the normal size," she said.

"You see that little follicle here," she said before I could ask about the normal size. "Well, that's normal. And as you can see, this one is a lot smaller than the other ones."

My stomach felt sick.

I still didn't know what this meant for the baby, who apparently is snuggle buddies with my giant cysts.

By now, you want a stronger definition of an ovarian cysts, don't you? Well here you go:

"An ovarian cyst is any collection of fluid, surrounded by a very thin wall, within an ovary. Any ovarian follicle that is larger than about two centimeters is termed an ovarian cyst. Such cysts range in size from as small as a pea to larger than an orange." 

Once an ovarian cysts reaches more than five cenitmeters, they recommend surgery.

Why?

Well, the cysts gets too large...it will collapse my ovary. As a result, I will collapse because it will cut off my blood supply.

Scary stuff, right?

Here is the image I drew to spare you the painful Google searches.

I'm a writer- not an artist, people.

Now at this point, I know you are tempted to leave my blog and Google symptoms. Because I'm a mind reader (you're welcome)- I know this about you...so I've provided a list of symptoms below. In case you are wondering, they sound exactly like pregnancy, your period, AIDS, or cancer:

• Dull aching, or severe, sudden, and sharp pain or discomfort in the lower abdomen (YES)
• Fullness, heaviness, pressure, swelling, or bloating in the abdomen (Double yes)
• Breast tenderness (But isn't this because I'm pregnant!?)
• Pain during or shortly after beginning or end of menstrual period (Always)
• Irregular periods, abnormal uterine bleeding, or spotting (You got it!)
• Change in frequency or ease of urination (Consider me the VP of Frequenter Pee Club)
• Weight gain (STORY OF MY LIFE)
• Nausea or vomiting (meh- not so much!)
• Fatigue (Sorry, I almost feel asleep while typing, what symptom are we on again?)
• Infertility (Sounds familiar...we were one month shy of fertility medicine)
• Increased level of hair growth (On my head?)
• Increased facial hair or body hair (Well let's hope I don't have a mustache growing...)
• Headaches (Isn't that because I can no longer drink my Starbucks coffee!?)
• Strange pains in ribs, which feel muscular (My stomach hardly feels muscular, do ovarian cysts give you abs?)
• Bloating (I thought it's because I ate too much cheese?)
• Strange nodules that feel like bruises under the layer of skin (Do I have cancer?)

Finally, she measured all of my cysts...I have 5ish between both ovaries.

Suddenly our entire journey made sense...

And you know what?

There is JACK CRAP that I can do about it...except not stress out and pray. Ovarian cysts don't care what you eat, drink, or how many half marathons you run.

They grow on your hormones.

(And I am guessing years of birth control didn't help matters either).

Anyway, we finally moved into my uterus to see Baby Sieb...and instead of seeing a little tiny baby.

I saw another black circle.

She didn't say anything.

No one said anything.

"Well, I think that's a healthy sac in there!" she said.

(Of course, this made Justin laugh. I promise we are mature enough to be parents). 

Finally, a black circle with purpose!!!

"And if you look closely you can see a little tiny yok sac," She said. 

I left the doctor's office with a week of lab work ahead of me and another ultrasound in my near future.

We will have no problem hitting our out of pocket deductible with this pregnancy, Justin joked.

Two weeks later, I was back at the doctor's office. My lab work indicated my hormones were increasing every two days (as they should) and my cramping was ten times better!

Oh, it is love- from the first time that I met you...

"My cramping is so much better, " I told the ultrasound tech. "I think my cysts are shrinking!"

This time, she went straight to my uterus...and before my very eyes...there was BABY SIEB!

Seriously, how cute is Baby Sieb!?
I feel like he / she is dancing in this picture.
"Heyyyyyy sexy, lady!"

And then she turned on the (insert machine that detects the heart beat) and we could not only hear, but SEE our little Nemo's heart beat.

It was such a magical moment.

I looked over at Justin and we were both smiling with watery eyes.

All those months of negative tests.

All those tears.

All of those painful periods.

All of those minutes of anticipation before each test...

Every single heartbreak was worth waiting for that very moment.

After we saw the baby, she measured my cysts again.

Even though my cramping stopped....the cysts had grown.

Now, most of them were pushing five centimeters.

"Is there anything at all I can do?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No honey," she said. "Just try not to stress and worry. We will just keep a close on everything."

Saturday marked my tenth week being pregnant. 

Tomorrow, I'm going back in my my third ultrasound.

The positive aspect of being high risk is seeing our little Nemo so often!

Despite all of the mass chaos going on in my ovaries, I feel so blessed and lucky to be in such great hands and get even more pictures of our little one.

I think God knew I'd want extra pictures for my Belly Book too!

Obviously I have about 4 journals.

I really hope I don't need surgery...and that my cysts have gone down in size.

If praying is part of your life, please say a little prayer for us tonight / tomorrow.

If you are more interested in positive thinking, we will take all the good vibrations we can get.

And if you're just as excited to see our little one as much as we are, just tune back tomorrow for more pictures.

Thanks for your constant love and support. I cherish all of your positive words and encouragement.

Much love,
Ashley

It Finally Happened

Well guys, it finally happened.

I ate something that baby Sieb hated..and as a result, I rushed to the bathroom!

It happened last night.

We had a happy hour event after work, and I was struggling to stay awake.

Thankfully, my Shirley Temple gave me a sugar rush to keep my eyes open!

Anyway, I was super hungry and couldn't figure out what I wanted to eat (per usual).

All of the appetizers sounded like heart burn and a tummy ache, so I had my coworker pick our app.

He went with Irish Nachos: steak fries with cheese, sour cream, and pico de gallo.

It makes me want to puke just describing it...

I had two bites and Nemo was pissed.

I rushed to the bathroom and collapsed to the ground. No one was in the bathroom at the time, so that was a plus...

Then (stop reading if you have a sensitive stomach), I looked over at the wall and saw what appeared to be poo smeared on the wall.

That's it.

It all came up...and the door opened up.

Wonderful, I look like a drunk girl who can't keep it together at 6 pm.

My makeup was running down my cheeks and my eyes were watering. My throat was burning.

I looked in the mirror:

"This is real life," I said.

And then I realized the girl next to me lot only thinks I am drunk...but also crazy for talking to myself.

I fixed my makeup, popped in a piece of gum, and ordered 4 more large waters...

Pregnant or not, I don't think anyone should eat pico de gallo on fries.

Consider yourself warned.

Much love,
Ashley

Napping In Elevators

What has my life come to?

I literally took a nap in the elevator.

Everyone keeps telling me that I'll get my energy back again soon.

I'm counting down....the seconds...until my burst of energy arrives again.

This morning I told Scott (a close friend and coworker) that I took a nap on the elevator. And that I'm completely exhausted.

"This is a lesson, Ashley," Scott said. "Even though you don't know it yet. This is a lesson that whether this baby is in you or not, he or she will always take all your energy. Your life is over, Ashley."

Of course Scott was trying to make me laugh, but he has a point.

Being a mom means the baby comes first.

Always.

And no matter how tired I am, I'll always wake up to help, feed, change, or snuggle with our little one.

It's only just begun!

Much love,
Ashley

Pregnancy Symptoms + Ashley

"Welcome back!" Justin told me this afternoon. "I am happy to see you awake and moving."

Awake and moving- those are two interesting concepts these days.

I'm blessed to say that my number one pregnancy symptom is fatigue. Maybe I shouldnt' use the word "blessed" because my on-the-go personality is going crazy with a 7 pm bedtime.

But honestly, I probably needed this rest.

My body definitely needed the rest.

And so did my marriage. I forgot how much I love just laying around with Justin. Nothing to do except for snuggle up and debate who killed Allison on Pretty Little Liars. 

Anyway, I am lucky to say that I've had little to no morning sickness.

I haven't thrown up once!

A few times I've felt nauseous, but I drank some water and tried to eat a few crackers. If that doesn't work, I just take some TUMS and fall asleep. 

Friday evening was the worst. I had heartburn from eating spicy soups at work earlier in the day. The only thing that sounded good was a grilled cheese, campbell's chicken noddle soup, and a Sprite. Thankfully Justin went to the store and whipped me up a dinner perfect for someone with the flu.

Saturday I tuned into a bear in hibernation! I truly slept / laid around watching the rest of Pretty Little Liars (yes, I'm addicted). The only time I got up and moving was around 6 pm. I went to pick up my pre-natal vitamins. Justin also called and asked me to pick up some lemons for my blueberry-lemon water. 

Of course, I ended up picking up two bags of chips, chip dip, cake mix, icing, and stuff to make rice crispy treats. I'm happy to report that I didn't eat all of these foods for dinner. Instead, I spent the night baking for the Super Bowl festivities.  

So in terms of craving, nothing has really taken over my life. I can tell you that the thought of Taco Bell makes me want to vomit on the spot. And my favorite snack is Special K cereal. 

So let's talk about mood swings. Yes, I have them. And sorry for anyone who has been in my path during one of my breakdowns- I'm sorry...there is probably more to come.

I am usually a pretty emotional person, but now I find myself crying at more things than usual. 

I cried at the end of the Butler game a few weeks ago. I don't even follow college basketball. I can't name a single player on the Butler team.

I cry during EVERY Hallmark commerical. 

I cried when I saw a man running with his dog. Seriously- just a normal dog. And a normal guy. But they looked happy, so I cried. Maybe it's because I miss running (it's hard to run when you are sleeping).

I cry when I don't know what I want to eat. Or when nothing sounds good. Or if I see a sign for Taco Bell.

I cried when I heard a Lady Gaga song on the radio the other day. I have no clue where she is and that makes me sad. 

Anyway, here is your recap:

• I'm a sloth.
• I haven't spent one evening beside the toilet. 
• I'm obsessed with figuring out who killed Allison from Pretty Little Liars. 
• Taco Bell makes me want to curl into a ball and cry.
• Because I cry about everything.

My doctor has been listed as "high risk" still- so that means I'm visiting them for an ultrasound and doctor visit every two weeks. I'll explain more tomorrow. Don't fret- I'm doing just fine and Nemo is definitely growing like a tumbleweed!

Much love,
Ashley