Celebrating Little Moments

"Oh Coop, please go back to bed," I begged him as I rocked the bassinet. "Please let mommy sleep in. Just 30 more minutes."

Just as I was about to pull myself out of bed, Justin said he would get up with Cooper.

"Just let me brush my teeth and get dressed for work," Justin said. "I'll get him!" 

Instead of 30 minutes, I got an extra TWO HOURS of sleep. I woke up feeling so refreshed! So during Coop's morning nap, I decided to see if I could finally fit into some pre-baby clothes.

To my surprise, my Banana Republic shirt fit! The shirt was a little tight, but at least I can breathe / don't have a giant muffin top!

Pre-baby clothes for the win!

When I got downstairs, I noticed that Justin had made (Starbucks) coffee for me. Even better? He left out a coffee cup for me. My favorite coffee up.

My grandpa always leaves my grandma's coffee cup out for her.
Every morning.
And today, Justin did that for me.

Life is full of little moments that are easy to dismiss or overlook. And as a new mom, I find myself appreciating even MORE small moments.

Taking a hot shower.

Getting extra hour of sleep.

Eating dinner at the same time as my husband - instead of taking shifts eating so one of us can hold or feed Coop.

Watching "The Voice" after dinner.
Coop and I both have a crush on Kat.

Enjoying a trip to the gym.

Walking Bandit on a perfect Fall evening.

Snuggling with a happy baby.

Best smile.

Painting my nails.

Calling an old friend to catch up on life.

Emailing a dear friend that moved away for a life update.

Getting the kitchen table organized (yes, all of our clutter ends up on our kitchen table).

Having time to put away the socks in the infamous sock basket .

Dancing across the living room with my babes.

Don't be too busy.

Too negative.

Too stressed.

Too scared.

Or too upset to enjoy life's little moments.

This morning, I made an honest effort to appreciate every extra minute of sleep.

I gave myself a high-five when I fit into that Banana Republic shirt.

And I sent Justin a text message thanking him for leaving out my favorite coffee cup for the day.

As I push forward with today, I'm reminded that I'm so blessed to get time with Cooper at home. Some moms are already back to work at this point. Even though I'm incredibly sad my leave is already half-way over, I feel so lucky to get another 5.5 weeks with Coop!!

My beautiful baby boy.

What little moment(s) will you celebrate today? 

Much love,
Ashley

Working Mom: A Dry Run

No, it's too early. 

Go back to sleep.

Apparently babies can't read minds because his crying got louder and louder.

I looked at the clock.

1:24 A.M.

I feel like I just went to bed... 

Please fall back asleep Coop...

Instead of feeling sorry for myself and my lack of sleep, I pulled myself out of bed.

"What's the matter sweet baby boy?" I whispered in Coop's ear and kissed his forehead.

I carried him across the dark bedroom and greeted Bandit in the hallway.

"Hi buddy," I said to Bandit as I almost tripped over him.

We reached Cooper's bedroom and I put him in his crib for a moment. I started to warm up his bottle in the bottle steamer for our nursery, which is a great invention and investment whether you are bottle feeding breastmilk OR formula feeding. 

His crying got louder and louder. 

"Baby boy," I said. "Everything will be fine! I promise!" 

I picked him up and took him over to the changing table (aka his dresser with a changing pad on it). I took off Cooper's diaper (it was only pee) and went to grab another one. I usually have a diaper ready before I start the changing process, but I was extremely tried so I wasn't on my "A game."

Before I could get a fresh diaper under Cooper's bottom, it happened.

I knew the day would come when something like this happened...

He sneezed, farted, and then let out a giant poop ALL at once. 

I literally had to check the walls for poop because I was nervous the poo flew across the room too.

Poop was all over Coop and his jammies. 

He instantly stopped crying and made the funniest face in the world. I didn't have time to take a picture (obviously),  but his face and expression reminded me of Steve Urkel. 

If he could have talked, I know he would have said, "DID I DO THAT!!!?!" 

Urkel aka Cooper Sieb.

But despite the hectic morning, we had to get up early for my sister's baby shower. We were running late and I had to make a tough decision.

"I can't believe you're doing this," Justin said as he was getting ready to jump into the shower.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"Leaving..." he said, "I mean, obviously we can't all go or we'd be extremely late. And I don't know what I would do all day while you're at the shower."

"Well actually WE are leaving," I said. "I was just waiting until you got into the shower and then I was going to kidnap Coop and leave without telling you." 

I was kidding (or was I!?!), but I REALLY didn't want to leave my boys for more than 13 hours.

"You'll be fine babe," Justin said. "Just pretend you're practicing for when you return to work and have to leave him for 9 hours."

I gave Justin a sad look and snuggled up with Coop  / gave him a bazillion kisses before I left.

By myself.

Just me.

Without my baby.

Trying to figure out how he used to fit inside there...

I had to stop at Marsh to pick up some cupcakes for the baby shower. 

That's when I saw a pregnant lady. 

And the woman in front of me at the check-out line had a baby with her.

I miss my baby. 

I'm going to pick them up.

It's okay if I am a little late, right?!

No, they need you there early to help decorate!

None of the bottles are clean in the house. 

And you'll need to feed him and rock him to sleep before you leave.

You won't have time.

But everyone will want to see him!

And you'll miss him like CRAZY! 

Just go back home and pick them up.

After having a conversation with myself (hopefully not out loud), I called Justin.

"Already?" Justin said when he answered the phone.

"I'm going to pick you guys up!" I said. "I can't do this!!!!"

"Ash, you'll be fine!" he said. "We will be fine. We will have a guys day...I'll teach him all about fantasy football and how to pick the best spreads."

"But..." I started.

"Go," he said. "We will all be fine!"

So I hung up the phone, started crying, and drove until I found the nearest Starbucks.

***

An hour later, I called Justin to check in everyone.

"Where are you?" Justin asked.

"Exit 286," I said.

"Oh wow, you made it a lot farther than I thought you would!" Justin said.

"Well actually I'm back at home," I said. "I'm looking at you holding Cooper right now through the back window." 

Justin laughed.

"I can see you on the couch together," I said.

"Wrong - we are on the computer changing my fantasy football line-up," he said.

"Ahhh- of course," I said. "Well I miss you guys!!!!"

Despite my many urges to turn around, I made it to Decatur with time to spare. I helped my sister(s) decorate for Britt's shower  - we shared a lot of laughs and couldn't stop singing, "What Does the Fox Say?"

Two of my lovely sisters.
Happy baby shower day, Britt!

Once we were done decorating, I took my nephew to run some errands before the shower started.

Of course, he wanted to pick up some toys from Dollar Tree. I said yes - as along as he picked up some toys for his brother too. I told him they could each get two things - so I let him pick out whatever he wanted.

Bad idea.

After we checked out, Braxen looked up at me and said, "Thanks Aunt Ashley! I can't wait to play my flute!"

He had picked out a recorder - you know, the ones you get in middle school and feel like a total rockstar when you can play the theme song to Star Wars?

"Oh my gosh - that's what that thing is?" I said to him. "Your mom is going to kill me..."

Don't mind us- we were just singing "What Does the Fox Say?" while waiting on pizza.

Once we got back to the hall, I realized he also picked out sticky bugs.

Yup, your mom is definitely going to kill me.

Braxen ran down the hallway with his toys and started playing his "flute".

"What's that?" Sarah asked.

"I may or may not have let him get a recorder today from the store," I said with a guilty face.

"ASHLEY!" Sarah said, while laughing.

"I told him he could pick out whatever he wanted!!" I said. "How can I tell him no!?"

Sarah laughed.

"You're such a sucker..." Sarah said. "Just remember this...I'll get you back!"

We couldn't stop laughing. I found Braxen and asked him to put him his recorder.

But that didn't last long...half way through the shower, it got really quiet and in the distance you could hear a recorder playing.

Sarah and I made eye contact and she shook her head.

She mouthed the words "PAY BACK" to me.

And I couldn't stop laughing.

Then I spotted Braxem in the hallway, skipping along with his recorder.

"Hey B!" I shouted to him. "What did I say about that recorder?"

He stopped playing and told me he was just testing it to make sure it still worked.

Oh kids. Always so clever. 

After Britt's shower, I stopped in Muncie to cheer on my little brother at his football game. He made the Homecoming court and I was beyond proud of him! We could only stay for the first quarter because I was taking Britt to see her mom (my step mom) in the hospital.

Unfortunately, my step mom got really sick this past week and had to be admitted into the hospital in Indy. Britt was really sad her mom couldn't be there for her baby shower and I promised I'd do whatever it took to make sure she saw her mom on her important day.

My beautiful baby sister!

13 hours later, I finally made it home.

I 

Coming home to this smile will NEVER get old.

That's the longest I've ever been away from Cooper. I felt like a piece of me was missing - literally I felt as if a piece of my body gone.

I know Coop was in safe hands with his father, but that didn't stop me crying and constantly thinking about him! Thankfully, Justin kept me entertained by sending me updates and pictures throughout the day.

Do you think our daycare will send hourly updates and pictures for me too?

Maybe? 

How about just for the week or year? Either one.

Kudos to all you working moms out there...

Not that being a stay-at-home-mom isn't a tough job!!

I firmly believe that being at stay-at-home-mom is an extremely important and hard job too. 

But it's tough leaving your little one, especially with a "stranger" if you aren't fortunate enough to have family or friends available to watch your kiddo while you work. And I know people who have returned to work in as little as 4 or 5 weeks ...that's how old Coop is now!

I can't imagine going back to work already...I feel so blessed that I get 12 full weeks off with Cooper. But it's hard to believe that I am ALMOST half-way done with this journey though...Cooper will already be 5 weeks old this Thursday!

"Please leave me alone while I PIP (poop in peace)."

Pretty soon, Cooper will be running around our house with a recorder that my sister gave him as a sussy (aka gift for no reason).

Because that's what aunts do!

Much love,
Ashley
 

My Hardest Afternoon as a New Parent

Justin's alarm clock upstairs has been going off for about an hour, but it feels a lot longer. 

I spent a good 20 minutes (okay, maybe only 5) this morning searching for Bandit around the house... Turns out he was locked outside. 

Cooper has terrible gas and only wants to sleep in my arms.

It's 5:15 am. I have been awake on and off since 1:42 am. Tears filled my eyes...I just don't know how I can keep going...

I rocked Cooper and let a few more tears fall down my face until I felt ready to put him back into his bassinet. 

After a power nap and a glimpse at my son's sleeping face, the hectic early morning hours seem to fade away. 

It's 9:15 am now. The house feels calmer ...maybe that's because I forced Justin to go turn off his alarm clock (he never came back down... So I am guessing that he is passed out face down on the bed). I can't blame him...he spent the midnight shift with our restless boy. 

Bandit is sleeping next to me on the couch. He seems just as exhausted as me... When he wasn't locked outside, he was by my side for every feeding and diaper change. 

And for my sweet baby boy, well- he is resting in my arms like an angel: 

There is no denying that these past few weeks have been hard. Amazing, but hard. 

The hardest day of all was last Tuesday. Cooper was only 5 days old. I think I cried the entire day. I had a blazing headache and Cooper was refusing to eat. He would literally fight me every single time I tried to nurse him. He hadn't peed in more than 12 hours and didn't have a poopy diaper in about 48 hours.

We called our pediatrician and thankfully they squeezed us in right away. Cooper was so sleepy and looked jaundice still. I knew he wasn't eating enough and my supply seemed low, but we didn't start him on formula yet.

I spent most of the day texting my close girlfriends with kids and asking them about breastfeeding tips and explaining our situation. I honestly don't know what I would have done without their kind text messages, advice, and encouragement. 

Once we got to the doctor's office, we learned that Coop had dropped 11% of his birth weight (13 ozs). He still wasn't very fussy - just extremely sleepy. At times it seemed great to have a baby who slept so much, but once I realized his sleepiness was due to sickness and a lack of food...I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't even look at him without crying and thinking I failed him. 

While waiting on the doctor to come in, Cooper peed all over Justin. I watched the pee come pouring out of his diaper. I cried happy tears that time - a positive sign! 

Once the doctor came in, she had a bottle with formula in her hand. We needed to start supplementing that moment. Our sweet baby boy needed food. To be honest, I was sad my body couldn't give him what he needed - but I was so thankful he was eating and getting what he needed to survive. 

I quickly realized that supplementing with formula does not make me a bad mom. In fact, I don't think moms who choose to only formula feed are "bad moms" ... You have to do what's best for you and your child. I was determined to not let anyone make me feel like a failure (including myself). And I made a promise to keep trying to nurse Coop as much as my body would support. 

I watched Cooper get his foot poked for lab work and he didn't cry once. Again, this broke my heart because I knew it probably hurt him... But he didn't have the energy to cry. 

When we got home, Justin went to the store to pick up some food that was supposed to help increase my supply (oatmeal, brown rice, rice cakes, whole grains, leafy greens, etc). We were desperate to do anything and everything to increase my supply and feed our boy! 

While he was gone, I tried to wake Cooper up to eat. But he wouldn't wake up. 

Tears were streaming down my face...

"Baby boy! Wake up...mommy needs you to eat. My sweet Cooper...please wake up!" 

I was flicking his feet. Rubbing his chin and belly.  He was stripped down to his diaper. And the ceiling fan was on to cool the room down. 

I picked up the phone and dialed Justin's number. I put the phone on speaker mode and once Justin answered I told him Coop was taking forever to wake up. 

I watched as tears splashed on my phone, "I am trying everything to get him awake... It's just not working and I don't know why. Hurry home please!" 

We eventually got Coop up to eat, but that was definitely the scariest afternoon in my new parenting life.  

I could cry just thinking about the emotions and memories from the day. 

Nursing Coop has improved tremendously. My supply is still low, so we are still supplementing, but it's working! We spent a few more days getting lab work and weight checks. This past Friday, we had a weight check and Coop was up to 8 lbs and 1 oz!  

"Keep up the great work!" The doctor said as we left the doctor's office. I felt proud and satisfied with our plan and hardwork. 

After talking with a few friends, I realized that my situation is normal. A lot of new moms experience exactly what I went through with nursing Cooper. Breastfeeding is hard...and you would think breastfeeding would be easier since its such a natural process and woman have been doing it forever, right!? But honestly, breastfeeding is way harder than labor. Yes, I said it. Pushing a child out your vagina is easier than the physical and emotional pain I have experienced with breastfeeding...but just like labor, once you have breastfeeding down and you have a great session with your little one- it's simply an amazing experience than no one can strip away from you. The pain is worth it. Always. 

Everyone I talked to about my issues with breastfeeding told me the same thing... Do your best. Keep trying! Don't give him! It will all be better soon!!! 

And they were right! 

It does seem to get a little easier.  Cooper nurses better than ever before! He has learned more about me just as I have learned more about him. And people are right when they say breastfeeding is an amazing bonding experience. You should honestly see Coop's little face after he gets done nursing... I think he is the happiest baby on the planet! And even though babies don't technically smile yet, I swear he is smiling!! 

We have gotten past our "hardest afternoon" so far. But I know more challenges lay ahead. The first fever. The first ear ache. The first flu. The first broken arm. The first time falling down the stairs. The first head smashing into a wall or corner. 

All of those scary moments are in my immediate future. But I've learned early on that I must stay clam, trust my instincts, and never be too shy or afraid to ask for help. And I know I have a lot more learning ahead of me. 

Being a new parent is an exciting, scary, amazing, and exhausting journey. We've had great nights and we've had long nights. Justin and I have both been tested and pushed to new limits. We have said things we don't mean and laughed really hard about other things we've said in our sleepy state of minds. 

But at the end of the night, when I get the chance to look at our resting baby boy, who is calm and happy in his own little world... My heart feels complete.

 

And I could live in that moment of peace and perfection forever. 

Much love, 

Ashley 

PS - please excuse any typos! I am sleep deprived and wrote this blog on my phone. 

The Best Lactation Consultant I've Had

I am sitting in the dark. 

The room is quiet. 

 

My tummy is growling, and my husband is softly snoring. 

Cooper is laying next to me in his crib and I keep watching his belly go up and down. 

Up and down. 

And I can't stop crying. 

So I wanted to start writing...so please excuse me if I have more typos than normal. I am on my phone, in the dark, and have wet eyes. 

We had an emotional morning. Cooper was brought to us from the nursery in a rampage. He was screaming and red in the face...did you hear him crying from your house!? I wouldn't be shocked ... Bless his heart. 

Anyway, the nurse woke me up and said he was ready to eat...we knew putting a screaming baby on your boob is no plan for success, so we tried skin to skin for a minute to calm him down. Nothing. 

I couldn't help myself and started crying too. 

"This is awful," I said. "I have no clue what to do and he won't latch on..."

We had some problems with latching earlier, but he was a champion right after birth!! 

His eating got worse after his circumcision, which they predicted...but that didn't make it easier for me emotionally. Or well physically - when I am stressed...Cooper is stressed. 

I felt so overwhelmed. And unsure of myself.  

But Justin wasted no time perking me. Standing by our side. Holding Cooper. Changing him (Justin has changed more diaper than me!!!). 

Justin always says he is a butt man, but I think he is truly a boob man. I can safely say that he is the best lactation consultant I've had. 

He literally walks and talks me through everything. He holds Cooper's head, squeezes my boob the right way, and adjusts us both when needed. He speaks closely, slowly, and softly - rubbing my back and shoulders as I sob. 

And when we latch - he gives me a high five and tells me great job! He kisses my forehead and keeps me inspired. 

He is the best cheerleader, husband, and father in my whole world. 

The last two feedings were wonderful. And instead of crying, I found myself praying. 

And when he was done nursing the last time, we just stood up and Justin held me in his arms as I cried. But this time I cried happy tears...we will get this tackle this journey called parenthood...side by side and hand in hand. 

I've been watching videos about breastfeeding, asking questions, speaking up about our challenges, and writing everything down. I am not giving up - even though I said that probably 10 times when and thought it 30 more during our meltdowns earlier. But we kept going. We will get this... We will get better day by day...and as Justin reminded me ...I've only been a mom for 1.5 days...I can't expect to be a pro yet! 

And honestly - that look on his face and his snuggly body when I am done... It somehow just makes every tear worth it. 

But our new outlook, prayers, and teamwork seems to be paying off...because I have two very sleepy boys next to me who mean the world to me. 

Thanks again for all your love and support throughout my pregnancy and now Cooper's first few days into this world. We are so blessed and loved - we feel your love in so many ways and through so many words. The comments, messages, gifts, and visitors alone just bring tears to our eyes...

The labor and birth story is longer and I don't know how much time I have left to write again. So consider this your teaser...

Stay tuned! 

Much love, 

Ashley 

The Love of Strangers

I'm sure crying and hugging out front of a hospital is normal scene. Maybe more so inside the hospital than outside of it though...

But today - if you would have drove by the hospital ...you would have seen me crying my eyes out and hugging an adorable old lady with cancer, who completely stole my heart.

Let's back up for a minute...

I walked into the doctor's office and found myself instantly smiling at the adorable old lady in a pink shirt. I'd say she was about 75 years old. She was a rather petite woman, and her bubbly and talkative personality reminded me of Grandma Kaye.

Grandma Kaye and me a few years ago on Labor Day weekend.
She means the absolute world to me.

She was talking to young woman who reminded me of the meth head on Orange is the New Black. Now, I mean that with all honesty and no judgment.

Even Justin asked if I noticed the woman in the waiting room that looked like Kentucky from the Orange is the New Black.

The older woman started chatting with Kentucky about her granddaughter who is a writer.

"I just hate writing," the older woman said. "I don't know why or how people do it! I never liked writing in high school and even today - I don't like writing this paper work."

Kentucky leaned over toward the older man and said, "I'm about to blow your mind."

I instantly re-positioned myself so I could hear this "mind blowing" conversation. I was so incredibly intrigued to hear what was about to come out of her mouth.

"I love writing," Kentucky said.

THAT IS MIND BLOWING!? THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE!?

She looked down and started laughing then said, "In fact, I am writing a book!"

The older man said, "Oh my! That is crazy!"

And I couldn't tell if she was serious or just messing around with her.

At this point, I was making eye contact with everyone in the office...we were all thinking the same thing.

We were all ease dropping.

And we all wanted to hear more.

"And I am about to blow your mind again," Kentucky said.

OH YES! Here we go...Just then, I saw Justin walking into the office from the restroom.  But I couldn't even acknowledge him - I was WAY too interested in this conversation to give him the time of day.

"I HAVE A PET MONKEY!" Kentucky said.

Hold the phone - am I really at the OBGYN office? Seriously, what is happening with this woman and what does her pet monkey (is that even legal?) have to do with her passion of writing!?

At that moment, Kentucky got called back into the doctor's office.

The old woman yelled something like, "Tell your pet monkey I said hello" which made me almost pee my pants. Again, I couldn't tell if she was joking or serious.

A few minutes later, I leaned over to Justin and whispered, "Oh no- I think I have to poop."

Just then, the old woman looked up at me.

At first, I was nervous she heard me talking about how I had to poo.

But then she asked me, "Are you having your baby today!?"

"Maybe!" Justin said.

"But it's unlikely," I added. "I am due Sunday!"

"OH MY!" she said. "As in this Sunday?!"

I smiled and nodded my head.

"Is this your first?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I said. "Well, we have a dog that we already treat like a child though..."

She laughed, "Well this is such an exciting time for you. Congratulations!! When I had my first, I was put me under...they drugged me and I don't remember anything. But, boy times have changed!"

She went on to tell me all about her health history and relationship with her husband.

"But all of this was before The Big C entered my life - you know what I mean," she said.

At first, I didn't know what she meant and I slightly tilted my head and said, "NO?"

Then it hit me.

Cancer.

She has (or had) Cancer.

The Big C.

"Yeah, Cancer," she said as if she was reading my mind. "And I have heart disease and a few thing health problems...but here I am!!!"

We all paused - it was hard to know what to say next.

"Well," I said. "You really do look wonderful."

And I meant it- she looked wonderful and sounded great. She was talkative and I never would have guessed there was anything in her life that got her down...

"Well, the doctors came out with these new drugs six years ago," she said. "And those drugs...well those drugs are what kept me alive."

"I am glad," I said.

"Me too- the Good Lord kept me around me so I could do drugs!" she shouted. 

I literally almost peed my pants (again). We all knew what she meant, but couldn't stop laughing. 

She went on to share more stories and crack jokes at everyone who would walk by or listen to her. I was probably a huge distraction from getting her paper work done because I kept asking her questions and egging her on. I just wanted to know more about her life. She made me laugh so hard I had to ask to use the restroom before I peed all over myself.

As I went to the restroom, they went out to call my name.

So even more hilarious? Picture this...

Ashley Sieb gets called in the waiting room...and Justin has to stand up, pick up my purse, and walk back to the exam rooms. I'm sure everyone (minus the old lady who saw me there earlier) was wondering if he had a sex change or what was going on...

Can you imagine how uncomfortable and awkward he felt when that happened? I'm dying just picturing it...

Anyway, I went to the scale and learned I actually lost 1 lb, which sounds impossible because I am pretty sure I ate a horse over the weekend. Maybe my extra workouts and walks made a difference!!

My blood pressure was 170 / 40 - so higher than normal still, but nothing that made them worry.

And for the scoop on Coop, well I am still just 1 CM dilated and 80% effaced.

She told me those are good numbers. She made another comment about how that's a great cervical exam, and then I immediately felt less special when she told me last week I had the "best cervical exam all week" - but hey, it's better than hearing it was the worst cervical exam, right?!

I told her that I couldn't feel Cooper moving around as much...I'd been doing my kick counts, but over the last few days - it just felt harder to feel the movements. Or at least, be quiet and concentrate enough to feel even the smallest movements.

"Well, let's do a stress test," she said. "No, that doesn't mean you or the baby have to run on a treadmill. Basically, we will just hook you up to monitors to see Baby's heart rate, contractions, and movement.

I went into another room and they hooked me up to this machine and I got nervous. I had to hit a button every single time I felt a kick or movement.

Justin looked at me with a serious look on his face and just said, "Concentrate."

He knows me too well...he knows my mind is always racing a mile a minute. I have a hard time relaxing and focusing when I am stressed or worried. Or in general.

I had to be hooked up to the machine for 20 minutes. After the first 10 minutes, I was getting anxious. I had only felt him move four times. Maybe four. I was slightly guessing...kind of like you do at the eye doctor when you do that exam and have to click the button when you think you see a flash of light....And one of those times, I think it was a gas bubble.

The nurse came back into the room and looked at the report.

"I think he is sleeping," she said.

She pulled out this vibrator looking thing and I immediately wondered where she was going to put that thing...

"I'm just going to roll this over your belly," she said. "It will vibrate a little bit and should wake Baby up."

She rolled it across my belly once and sure enough, that woke (and pissed off) Sir Cooper! Almost immediately, he started kicking and moving around. His heart rate went up some too!

Finally, after 10 more minutes the doctor came in and said the report looked "beautiful" - she said we have a healthy and active baby in there.

I was relieved. She said it's always better to be safe than sorry - so it's always good to do this test if we're worried about Baby.

It was such a big weight off my shoulders. I went to the restroom before I left, so Justin left before me.

My adorable old lady friend came out from behind me and we had the chance to walk out together.

"This is your first, right?" She asked me again.

"Yeah- it sure is!" I said. "We're so excited!"

"And do you know what you're having?" she asked.

"A baby boy," I said. "Cooper Joseph."

"Ohhhhh!" she shrieked. "I just LOVE that name!!!"

"Thank you!" I said, with a big smile. "We can't wait to meet him!"

We walked on the elevator together and another woman entered the elevator with us. She had ultrasound pictures of her baby...and told us she just found out that she was having a baby girl.

"This really is the most exciting time of your life," the old woman said to us both.

I was thankful for her positivity.   The elevator dinged open and she said, "Well, I forget where I parked!"

Seriously, is this lady related to me or what? Or am I having a glimpse into the future and seeing myself as a 75-year-old woman?

"Can I help you find your car?" I asked.

"Oh no," she said. "I think I am this way!"

"Well hey, me too," I said. "We can walk out together."

She smiled and said, "You know, I just couldn't stop thinking about you and your husband after I met you guys. You seem like such a special couple."

"Aww," I said. "Well thank you!"

"And I just kept looking at him and seeing this positive presence of God," she said. "Is he a minister?"

"Well," I said. "Funny you say that....he isn't a minster really, but he did get ordained online and  married my sister and her husband!"

"OH my!" she said. "How special- I just knew it! He seems like such a great, young man. Very humble and wise."

"He certainly is," I said. "I am very lucky to have him in my life."

"Well, he is lucky to have you too," she said. "And he knows it! You can just tell by the way he looks at you...he is proud to call you his wife."

I immediately started crying.

She put her hand on my arm and said, "You are a very special couple and you will make great parents."

I gave her a hug and didn't want to let go. I had such a tough morning...even earlier I wrote a blog (that I wasn't sure if I should publish or not - but I did anyway) about how uncertain I've felt about everything and how worried I've been about "being a good mom." I am SURE these are normal thoughts that every emotional pregnant woman encounters...

"You're wonderful," I said. "Good luck with everything."

We both had tears in our eyes and she said, "See you next year! Right here- same place and time. You'll have your baby and might be pregnant again!"

I gave her another hug and asked if she wanted me to walk her to her car.

"See you soon!" I yelled back.

My only regret is not getting her name or number so we could keep in touch.

The love of strangers is so powerful. 

Don't forget the impact that you can have on someone's life or day - simply by striking up a conversation or asking about their day. 

I will never, ever forget this adorable old woman. She put so much faith and confidence back in my heart today. And I'm so thankful for her stories all afternoon and most importantly- that moment we shared hugging and crying out front of the hospital. 

Much love,
Ashley

7 Years (And 70 to go)

Seven years ago today, Justin stood on the steps of his dorm and asked me to be his girlfriend.

Our first picture together!

We have shared hundreds of memories...

Camping...and I am NOT a camper.

Eventful vacations

Liquid courage before our flight.

After jumping into the freezing cold ocean. I'm dying at his facial expression!

Beach kisses.

Our very first vacation together.

A wonderful puppy

BABY BANDIT!

Our first apartment

Family pic in our first apt together.

A fabulous wedding celebration

Getting low on the dance floor during our first dance.

Our first kiss.

A first home

The key to our first house!

King & Queen - decorating the house!

And (almost) a baby later...

I love him more than ever before...

I was only 19-years-old when we first met. It seems so long ago, but I'm so blessed that I've literally grown up with Justin by my side. 

I shared this post on Facebook and Justin's reply was SUPER adorable.

He wrote: "Wow. I can't believe that was 7 years ago. We were 19!!! If the past 7 years had that many adventures and memories, I can't wait for the next 70 years (yes, we're living past 90)! I love you."

I am so incredibly blessed.

And thankful.

And happy.

Tonight, we shall celebrate by letting the pre-baby makeover continue...I am getting pedicures with my best gals! Then Justin and I are making pasta with homemade sauce!! I'm going to show him how to make homemade garlic bread using hotdog buns, cheese, butter, and garlic powder - a childhood staple of mine. I'll be happy to supply you with the recipe - just message me.

Oh, it is love. 

Much love,
Ashley 

Crash Into Me: Our Love Story

I drove his Jeep to work this morning. The AC is broken, which meant I was cruising with the windows down- all four windows – on my way to work.

His radio is broken too. So I plugged my iPhone into his cassette adapter and listened to Pandora.

The first song that came on was “Crash” by Dave Matthew’s Band. 

I instantly thought of the first night Justin and I met.

Our first photo!!!

How we crashed into each other so unexpectedly. 

I was not ready for a relationship. Well, emotionally anyway. But I guess I was always the girl secretly looking for that “once in a lifetime” love – but after so many heartbreaks, I was fragile. 

And broken. 

Oh, so broken.

And I suppose I wasn’t ready to “settle down” – it’s funny looking back at my former self. 

I was so stubborn and independent. 

I think Justin would argue that I still am both of those traits.  

But I was convinced I would move to New York City. 

I would be a columnist or author like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & the City.

Or become the next Oprah Winfrey. 

Or write novels like Stephen King – only my novels wouldn’t be horror stories. They’d be inspiring love stories or hilarious tales from a single woman’s hilarious life in a big city. 

Maybe I’d have kids. 

Maybe I wouldn’t. 

But if you’d ask me when I was 19, I would tell you kids aren’t for me. 

I glanced down at my belly.

My 8 month pregnant belly. 

It’s amazing how people can change you – in a good way, of course. 

And it’s amazing how your expectations and dreams can also change. 

I started to think back to the moments in our relationship that defined us. That shaped our future.

That first night we met.

We were just 19 years old.

Babies. 

We were just babies – trying to figure out who we were and what we wanted to do with life.

I’ll never forget that night. What we wore. The first words out of his mouth. Our first kiss (yeah, it was that night – sorry for being so classy, mom). 

We won our first game of beer pong together. I told him he was my soulmate. Little did I know, I was right.

 I had found my soulmate that night in a dirty college basement.

The night we crashed into each other.

The night that shaped my future. 

One single night.

Just a few short months later, I knew I loved him. I hated every second I was away from him. I wanted to sleep next to him every night. I wanted to see his face every single morning. I wanted to eat every meal with him. I wanted to tell him every story about my day. I simply wanted to share every moment with him.

I remember one night we were studying for an all-nighter together.

I looked over at him.

He looked so handsome.

He didn’t know I was watching him. He had his glasses on and he was deep into reading his text book.. His hair was longer. His eyebrow was pierced back then too.

Justin had more piercings than me. Kidding, but really.

I love this man. 

I had only known him a few short months, but I felt it with every inch of soul. I knew I never wanted to experience a second of this life without him by my side. 

He caught me staring at him.

Oh crap! Look down!

“What?” he asked and smiled.

“Nothing,” I said and quickly pretended to be reading again. 

Who wants to read about tribes in South Africa for their Anthropology class when love is on the mind?

I couldn’t be the first to say “I love you” – even I though WAS the one who said it first a few weeks later.  I was getting ready to pick up a friend from the airport and I stopped by to drop off something. He gave me a hug and kiss goodbye then I turned around and yelled, “See you later! Love you!”

We just starred at each other without moving. 

Yup, I just said it. Those three small words with such a big meaning. 

But I pretended I didn’t say it.  

He pretended not to hear it. 

And then we later joked about it. 

Just a few days later, he told me he loved me as I was crying my eyes out because my car got towed.

“This stupid girl said I could park there!” I said bawling. “How can I even afford this?!”

“Don’t worry, baby!” Justin said. “I can help you out.”

I looked at him with tears overflowing my eyes and he said, “I love you!” 

But he said it so quickly that it sounded like one single word. We joke about that all the time too.

I have many other memories and moments in our relationship that melt my heart. 

The time he borrowed someone’s car in a HUGE snow storm just to get to Marsh and cook me dinner. 

Our first Valentine's Day dinner together.

My boo.

The time he took care of me when I felt like I was dying from my wisdom teeth surgery. 

Wisdom teeth removal = the worst.

Our first vacation to Florida together (I was kind of an asshole, but he stuck with me). 

Beach babes.

One of my favorites.

 We always joke that if we could survive that trip together – we can survive anything....

We have so many firsts.

The first and only time I wore shamrock earrings.

Sure, we have bad days. 

And we are both guilty of saying things we don't mean.

We're human.

We aren't perfect.

But I do believe we are perfect (as perfect can be) for each other.

It’s easy to forget those moments and memories when stresses and worries from the day cloud my mind. 

But this morning, my mind was clear as the sky. 

My windows were down.

And I couldn’t help but be extremely thankful for the day that Justin and I met.

The day I fell in love with him.

Our first all nighter!

The day I actually told him I loved him.

We look so young!

The day he proposed.

Cheers to a perfect day!

Even though he actually proposed on my 21st birthday with a cocktail shrimp!

I said YES!

The day we got married.

Such an incredible day...

The day we found out I was pregnant.

Baby Sieb!

And every single day in between.

Love in a nutshell.

Love (in all forms and capacities) is truly what life is all about…plain and simple. 

Thank you for making me a better person, Justin. I can't tell you how happy I feel looking through all of these old pictures and thinking about all of our great memories. I know we have many, many more to come...I love you.

Much love,

Ashley