About Gaining Nine lbs in Four Days

I honestly looked like a drug addict, hiding in the corner from my husband. My drug of choice? Lays Potato Chips, the crinkle kind. I escaped for the pantry a few times, only to dunk some chips in ketchup. My mind was blank as I shoveled food into my mouth. Afterwards, all I could think about was how mad I was at myself for screwing up this poorly. Hello, my name is Ashley and I'm an emotional eater. (Welcome, Ashley).

Last Friday, I wrote about how my running and diet has sucked the past week or two. It started with a bagel. Then that turned into cheesy potatoes. Heavy carbs followed after that...

What was the damage? Nine lbs. in four days. I went from my milestone weight of 218 and within four days I was up to 227. I wanted to cry. How could I let myself go like that? I knew the answer; I was an emotional mess for a few days. The week before Mother Nature makes her visit is awful and a few other events added unwanted stress to my life. Then add on feelings of guilt… I feel so bad for my husband when my mind is racing and my mood is on constant edge. I really don’t even want to be in my own head or body during that week of hormonal rage.

Thank GOD I have a wonderful husband, who lets me be crazy and hormonal without judging me or giving up on me. I can only imagine how I will be when I am pregnant one day. I am pretty sure we should either document all of my episodes or have cameras follow us around for a reality show.

I always share my moments of joy and victory on my blog. But I think it’s equally important to share moments of downfall. It’s not always easy. It’s not always pretty. It’s not always fun. Anyone going through this kind of journey understands the battle of the scale. You have high days and low days. You days where you eat amazing foods and other days where you stuff yourself with potato chips in closet. But no matter the moment or the day, it’s all about how you rebound. How you make a comeback. How you make a decision that day (not tomorrow or next Monday) but at that moment... you make a decision to kick butt moving forward.
My comeback will involve getting back on track with a low-carb diet again and signing up for a gym membership. It was easier to workout when I had the apartment gym right now the road, but the hot weather and my knee / back injuries are making it really easy to make excuses to NOT run outside.

No more excuses.

After a long night of celebrating on Saturday night, I woke up bright and early on Sunday to get my run in. I even wore my husband’s dirty socks from the day before. Gross, I know. But I determined that is both love and dedication (to both my hubby , health and running!)

While putting my running clothes on, I looked at myself in the mirror.





So here I am. I should be proud of my hardwork this year. Yes, I have more work to do and more miles to run. But I still have a belly button. I might have gained 9 lbs in four days, but I am still on the right track to lose weight if I keep fighting to ditch my bad habits and closet binges.

I can still see progress made.

My back fat and love handles are melting away.

My stomach is getting a little smaller and my curves are looking a little better.

My pants are fitting better and I feel more confident in a swim suit.

Best of all, I have the support from my husbands, friends and family to keep me motivated. I can’t even explain how much you ALL inspire me to keep going and running (literally) toward my goals.

Much love,

Ashley

Praying in the John, Diving Into Rapids and Peeing While Surfing

July 6, 2011

"Twenty yeras from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you did not do than by the ones you did..." - Mark Twain

This quote was in the magazine at ACE Adventure Resort that highlighted the white water rafting trip. I fell in love with the quote instantly and it quickly became my mantra for the white water rafting adventure.

The Morning of the Trip
Justin often says that I'm like a child...I forget to pee before we leave and end up having to stop 15 minutes into the trip. I pout when I don't get my way- sometimes even do a foot stomp. I beg for things I want. I tell him I refuse to eat stuff that he makes. I cry when I am frustrated. Really, Justin is prepared for parenthood simply by being married to me.

We woke up a little late, which is understandable considering how we had to be at the registration tent by 7:30 a.m. Who gets up that early on vacation? Well, The Adventure Siebs, of course! :)

You are supposed to wear non-cotton clothing / swim suit when you go white water rafting because cotton material will keep your body cold.

Of course, I put on my non-cotton workout clothes...yet, forgot to put on my swim suit. I just put on my cotton undies and bra. Justin reminded me 100 million times to put my swim suit on, but it was early...and I don't function until at least 9 a.m. most days. By the time we walked out of the door, it was 7:30 a.m. (so we were a little late).

We were half way there when I realized I didn't have my swimsuit on.

"Babe - I forgot my swim suit- is that big deal?" I asked. I already knew the answer. Yes, it was.

"Really?" Justin said with his "daddy" voice. "Yes, it's a big deal. Go back and change."

"OK- well give me the key and you go down to check us in," I said. "I'll run!"

I took off running in my wet shoes. I felt like I was running in Vibrams and I must say, I really liked it! So that made me smile.

Justin locked the door, but for some reason it pushed right open without me even sticking in the key. Great, the lock is jammed on the door. And someone is going to break in and steal all of our stuff.

I changed quickly into my swim suit, but I was still worried about someone breaking into our cabin. So I did what any logical person would do. I jammed up the benches / kitchen chairs against the door. I was certain this wasn't going to stop someone from busting through..but I at least wasn't going to make their burglary that easy.

I went out the back door of the cabin and ran my heart out to the tent. Along the way, a group of four older man watched me as I flew past them. They were drinking beer (yes, at 7:36 a.m.) and one of them yelled, "RUN A MILE FOR ME TOO!"

I smiled and yelled back, "Sure will!"

If only he knew I stopped 50 feet up the road. Oh well, at least I looked like a fast runner for 20 seconds in my life to 4 old men. I'll take it!!!!

I finally found Justin and told him about the door. He politely informed me that he knew it was like that the whole time, but didn't want me to stress or freak out. So I informed him that I had, in fact, stressed out and blocked the front doorway with every chair I could find and thought about lifting the couch up sideways to block the door.

"Oh...My...Gosh," Justin said. "You are crazy. I'll let the office know about the door. And I'll make sure I'll tell them to use the back door since my wife barricaded the front door..."

****

Praying in the john

Just like scuba diving, your instructor / guide always makes you fear your life before going out on your adventure. They tell you every way you can possibly die and everything that will and can go wrong. Of course, they do this for your safety. The more educated you are, the more prepared you are in the event of a crisis. But somethings you just can't save yourself from...like getting thrown out of the boat near an undercut rock and drowning. Not fun.

Even though she assured us that the most common injury on the trip was sunburn, I was absolutely terrified. I figured up at least 23.5 ways I could die that day on the river....and that was just in the time it took to get ready, load up the bus and drive to our location.

When we got there, the first thing I did was run into the Port-a-Potty and pray. I was so frantic I forgot to lock the door...so there is a good chance someone saw me praying for my life and the safety of Justin while hiding in the John.

I was in there praying for a good 10 minutes. By the end of it, I decided if I was supposed to die while white water rafting..I suppose that is better than dying a long and painful death of cancer. So I repeated my mantra and reminded myself I don't want to regret not going on this trip in 20 years.

We ended up getting grouped with another guide and two young college girls, who were really awesome. Our guide was a hilarious Southern boy, who made the trip a lot of fun.

I got my fear out early...as I was the first (and only) person to fall off the boat during a rapid. We were straight towards a rock and when you catch the video (I promise I will post soon), you can see that I look at Justin with confidence that I am falling out of the boat. And I did. And I didn't die. I laughed and got pulled back in the boat with a huge smile on my face.

Diving Into Rapids

"Alright- this next rapid you can actually swim through if you want," the guide said.

Swim? Through a rapid? Before I could think of the consequences my legs were half way out the boat, "Who is coming with me?!" And I was in the water! :)

My next big milestone was jumping off a 25 foot rock. It was (by no surprise) called Jump Rock. The height depends on the water level. Climbing up the rock, it didn't seem that high. But holy cow...once I got up there, it felt like 50 feet.

The camera man was in my life, "Sooo are you ready to jump? Any final words?"

How does he know that I think I will die during every event? Do I always have a look on my face that says "I am scared of life!"?

"OH wow- this is a lot higher than it looks...why did I come up here?" I said.

The camera was still rolling. Someone yelled "JUST DO IT!!!"

"Ohhhhhh SHHOOOOTTTT!" I said and then threw myself off the edge of the rock, screaming the entire way down.

Peeing While Surfing

For some reason I couldn't pee in the river, which is really your only bathroom from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Maybe it was the pressure of the water / currents- but I just couldn't pee all day. So after lunch, I felt like my bladder was going to burst.

When you "surf" a rapid, you go through the rapid and then turn around...go back into the rapid from the opposite direction and let the rapid turn you sideways and "surf" the wave of the rapid.

The first boat attempted to surf and didn't have the power to fight through the rapid. Next, we went  and made it. Only we made it a little too far. We got stuck. In a hydraulic. So there we were, getting pounded with water and stuck sideways. I couldn't stop laughing, I thought it was so funny. Everyone was trying to escape and I just sat in the middle of the boat and laughed....and then finally, I could pee. It was a miracle.

"OMG!" I yelled. "I HAVE TO PEE!"

"JUST DOOOO ITTTTT!!!" The guide yelled up at me.

It was like a true scene from Dumb and Dumber...and I wasted no time. I peed while surfing the rapid. It was magical.

Finally, 13 minutes later, we were towed out of the rapid by another raft and were able to finish our journey down the New River.

Overall, I had an amazing time on our white water rafting trip. And I would DEFINITELY go again. In fact, I'm trying to gather up a big group of friends to come...I would probably pee and laugh a lot more in the boat with them....

Much love,
Ashley

Angels on the Zip Line

I will write about my adventures on a daily basis. You can read about my drive down to West Virginia here and find out why I cried at the dinner table our first night at the resort. This entry is about conquering a fear.

June 5, 2011

Last night, I got very little sleep. Right before bed, I watched Conan O'Brien. He made fun of a guy in the audience who was pointing at him very creepily as he walked in. He compared his stare and point to that of the grim reaper ....Needless to say, I woke up in the middle of the night and thought the grim reaper was pointing at me. Turns out, it was the fire extinguisher.

I continued to have dreams that only Stephan King himself could imagine...

***

We woke up early for our canopy tour aka zip line tour. I was feeling pretty confident, but I was nervous. I thought about a conversation Justin and I had just days before we left. We were at a local pub on a whim enjoying a beer together; deciding the night was simply too beautiful to sit inside all night.

"So - what are you most looking forward to on our vacation?" Justin asked me.

"Ummm an escape from everything," I said quickly.

He agreed, but said, "No seriously- what do you think you are most excited for?"

I thought for a minute, but I knew my answer the entire time.

I looked away to the small child walking across the street with her father. She has the rest of her life ahead of her....to do daring things, explore fantasizing places and meet inspiring people. But then I heard a car drive by quickly....the sound broke my day-dream spell and I was reminded of my true answer once again...

I looked back at Justin.

"You know- I'm honestly looking forward to doing something that I absolutely terrified of doing," I said.

He looked at me confused. So I went on.

"When Rick and Corey died in car accidents right before I went away to college, I became terrified of everything," I said. "I was reminded that nothing is certain, especially your time here....and I couldn't ever drive anywhere without thinking of a car accident happening...I didn't even want my parents drive to work. I was just so scared...."

I paused and held back my tears.

"If you would have asked me to go on this trip even two years ago," I stopped- "I wouldn't have done it. There is no way in the world. But with you, and us - you inspire me to try to new things...I'm really just looking forward to...living. Finally."

And I meant it.

It didn't mean I wouldn't be scared.

It didn't mean I wouldn't be scared of the equipment breaking and me falling to my death...

But it DID mean, I was ready to conquer a fear.

And as I said to Justin that night...I was ready to live on the edge. Literally.

***

Thankfully, we had an amazing group of people on the zip line tour. And I did manage to meet an older man named Frank, who was actually more afraid to do the zip lines than me (believe it or not).

After a short overview of the equipment, we were off to the mountain riding in a short bus. The guides joked that the only reason we wear helmets was for the bumpy bus ride.

When we reached what felt like the top of the mountain, I got butterflies.

What in the WORLD am I doing? I thought. I started to think about the countless things that could go wrong....

We stepped out of the bus and I was afraid to move. I didn't want to look down at the view below.

"Babe!" Justin yelled.

He is fearless and wasted no time checking out the river down below.

"You have got to see this view!" Justin yelled again.

"Um- NO! I am JUST fine over here," I yelled back. But suddenly, I started walking toward him. It was as if someone was pushing me as my mind definitely was not interested in seeing the view....I kept walking to my hubby.

I didn't get too close to the edge...all it would take is one bump or a trip over a rock and I was a goner....

That's when I saw it. The river...and it looked like the size of veins on leg.

Yup - we are definitely up here....I started to walk toward the school bus. Will anyone notice if I leave?

Maybe I can just hid under the...

"Alright- everyone come over here!" the guide yelled at the group. "Come close so you can hear me!"

Justin - of course- was the first in line. He was like the kid waiting to see Santa Claus at the mall...Justin wanted to be the first one on Santa's lap...the first to experience the rush.

Turns out, we were the second ones to go. Frank went first- which was HILARIOUS.

"You ready?" Justin with a huge smile.

When you watch the video, you can see that as I am getting hooked up to the line...I whisper to him with a deer in headlights look on my face, "I am going to shit my pants."

And I'm surprised I didn't.

I was hooked up, but my mind still said I wasn't going to go. I wasn't going to jump off the ledge.

"ONE....TWO.....THREE!" the guide yelled.

Suddenly, my body moved without hesitation. It was like someone was there pushing me...not like a shove. But a gentle push- nothing more than a slight breeze...and I was off.

Screaming.

Flying through the mountains.

Living.

I was thankful for that extra "breeze" that pushed me along.

The first time I was so nervous I didn't look at the view. I just looked straight ahead at the landing pad, hoping I didn't miss it. If I did....then I would fall back and get stranded in the middle of the zip line..only to be rescued hours later....

The second zip line came easier, and the view got better...probably because I was actually looking at the world around me.

After we landed, Frank came flying in.

"Frank- you did great! Did you see the water down there?" I asked.

"The only water I saw was running down my leg!" Frank yelled back.

I love Frank. End of story.

On the ride back to the resort, Justin leaned over and kissed my cheek, "I am proud of you! Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, actually I did," I said. "I had a blast. But I really didn't want to go at all. I mean, I definitely told myself I was NOT jumping off that cliff on our first zip line."

"Well, what made you go?" Justin asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Well- I do know. I am pretty sure I had some angels out there blowing a little extra breeze my way."

Grandpa Larry, Rick, Corey and Brittany are just a few of the angels in Heaven...that I believe were with me that morning. My angels in the sky; my angels on the zip line.

Turns out- the zip line tour was my favorite part of our vacation- well minus, eating and drinking like a frat boy the whole week and only gaining two lbs. Don't worry- I busted my butt and already lost my vacation weight that I gained last week! :) (Almost 20 lbs down for the year!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I will tell you one last thing, I'll zip line every single chance I get for the rest of my life. I might even build one from our house to the Semon's house...do you think the Homeowners Association in our neighborhood will approve? Maybe after a few drinks....

Much love,
Ashley

Are You Going to Eat All of That?

A full plate: that is one way to describe my life the past few weeks months years.

So much on my plate, sometimes I didn't even know what is really on there...

My Grandma Kaye often says, "I couldn't ever keep up with you! I bet you pass yourself coming and going."

She is right. And some days, I can't even keep up with me.

My friend Kristin Matthews asked me one day, "Is there anything you that you DO NOT do?"

I had to think about it. The next day, I wrote back and said, "I don't speak a foreign language?"

When Justin and I were at lunch the other day, I had a revelation: I have to take control of my life again. I have to prioritize things and figure out what matters to me and my family. The stress of constantly being "on the go" was significantly wearing down on me...and my lack of emotions or too many emotions at times were starting to take a toll on the relationships around me too.

I've spent much of the past four years working my butt off to get through school and build up my resume / portfolio to land a job after graduation. I missed out on a lot ....On my little brother's baseball games and my sister's basketball games. I was living in the same town as my family and maybe saw them once a month...During the summer months, I missed trips to the zoo with my nephews and lazy days laying by the pool with my family.

So I looked at my plate - my overwhelming "to-do" list - and asked myself, "Are you really going to eat all of that?"

In 2011, I made a goal to get healthy by running / walking / biking 2011 miles and changing my eating habits. But it's just as important that I become emotionally healthy too. I can run all the half marathons in the state of Indiana and eat all the salads in the world - but until I truly clear my plate - I won't be healthy. I'm weighing myself down.

Recently, I've made significant changes to clear my plate. Honestly - its not always easy and will often hurt other people's feelings - but if they really care and love you, they will understand. And -I must say- the changes have been for the best. I'm slowly learning how to say "no." I'm learning the importance not spreading myself too thin. I'm learning to love everything and everyone that I have in my life. I've got unbelievable family and friends, an amazing fur son, a great job in marketing, a future house and so many opportunities ahead of me. What else could a girl ask for? Well - besides a margarita maker - I don't have one of those yet....maybe that will be a house warming gift ;)

So, is your plate too full? Is there something (or many things) that you can eliminate from your plate that will help you live a happier and healthier life? I'll bet there is...Don't wait until your obese (overwhelmed to the max) to clear your plate (eliminate stress / projects / negative people / the list goes on and on).

Start passing the dinner rolls to someone else.

Much love,
Ashley

Scuba Sieb 2.0

My husband is constantly on my butt about going scuba diving. Because I can think of a million ways to die on a daily basis, I'm not exactly thrilled about scuba diving again. As most of you know, I have an EXTREME fear of sharks. I would die if I saw one. Either from an actual shark attack or a self induced heart attack.

I don't want to be this seal.....



At one point, I was half way convinced to go scuba diving in Lake Michigan. Through some research, I learned that the Bull Shark can live in both fresh AND salt water. Insert face of fear again....

A picture that sums up my top 3 fears: sharks, aliens and tornadoes.

But today, I made a decision. I made a decision to live my life free of fears. Maybe I've had too much green tea this morning, but I'm feeling positive. I have energy to live and my conquer fears. So, I told my hubby I would go scuba diving again. Scuba Siebs 2.0.

Fact: If you ever feel fat, don't put a wet suit on.

I wrote on his Facebook wall, announcing my decision to world:

"So yes, I'll do this scuba diving thing in Lake Michigan. If I die by a Bull Shark in a lake...then it really was a rational fear all along and God really needs me in Heaven. Furthmore, I want you to start out my eulogy by saying, "Ashley always knew she would die from a shark attack, but no one ever knew it would be in a lake..."

Much love,

Ashley "Scuba" Sieb