Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Never Trust a Girl If Her Thighs Don't Touch: Part 2

If you're a frequent blog reader, you might recall reading about my drip to Washington, DC to visit one of my good friends and her husband.

While we had a blast catching up with Britt and Jimmy + eating delicious food, there is no doubt that all the walking took a tole on my pregnant body. We literally walked 7 miles one day.

Now obviously all that walking (especially when you're five months pregnant) can result in some serious chaffing. I've been a chaffer for as long as I can remember. I think I was born with my thighs stuck together (kidding). But pregnancy just fueled the chaffing fire.

Skin-to-skin chaffing can result in a serious rash (as some of you probably know from experience). But you can also experience chaffing when you're wearing leggings or jeans - if your thighs tough when you walk- then will chaff one way or another. As a result, many of may pants thin out in the inner thigh area.

Now yesterday, I tried on a pair of my pre-baby jeans! I have been SO nervous to dust off my "skinny" jeans and try them on...I was worried they wouldn't even go up my bigger thighs and wider hips. And I didn't want to get discouraged. I've been doing SO good on my Advocare 24-Day Challenge...I'm down 6 lbs (almost 7), my energy levels are incredbile, my wedding ring fit again, and I just feel healthier overall.

But because all of my leggings, jeggings, and yoga pants seemed to be in the washer at the same exact time (bad laundry day planning on my part), I had no other choice...

And- to my surprise - THE JEANS FIT!!!!

Kim Kardashian, this is a REAL new mom / back side selfie.
I was BEYOND excited. Sure, I had a LITTLE bit of a muffin top- but wearing the right top can cover that bad boy up while maintaining my new confience!

But my excitement was short lived...

Cooper started to wake up so I bent down to pick him up from his bouncy chair and that's when it happened.

(Insert crotch / inner thigh ripping sound).

YOU HAVE GOT TO ME KIDDING ME!!!

The infamous rip.
So I tried on another pair of jeans, but they were tigther.

Now I could button them. And they would stay buttoned if I didn't breathe or move. Considering how that's not a viable option, I busted out my bella band and decided to rock the jeans anyway - reminding me of my early pregnancy days.

"Mom, it's OK! I still love you even if you rip your pants while picking up the baby." - Bandit
And this experience further supports why I STILL don't trust a woman if her thighs don't touch.

Final side note (which also appeared in my first post): If your thighs do touch, I am only kidding. Good for you - now go eat a burger and fries (with ranch dressing ) for me!!

Much love,
Ashley

Thursday, October 10, 2013

A Letter My Son: Month One

Dear Cooper,

We went on an adventure today. Yes, I consider packing you up to grab lunch an adventure. We went to McCalisters Deli (I'm a sucker for their tea). While I was taking your picture, I noticed an older woman smiling at you.

Two of my loves.

"How old is your baby?" she asked me. 

"He is a month old - today actually!" I said.

She smiled and put her hand on my shoulder, "He's a doll. Good luck!"

I also noticed many other woman (and a few men) smiling at us.

Perhaps they felt bad for me because I was carrying your car seat, a diaper bag, my purse, a tea, and a bag with my to-go order in it. I'll get better at this packing thing soon ...and maybe I'll learn to balance things on my head soon! We can work on that next month.

On the drive home, I couldn't help but daydream about this past month.

You've been an absolutely INCREDIBLE baby. I mean that...sure there are moments when I wanted to jump out a window. And I once asked if you hated me ...because that seemed like the only logical explanation for your dramatic crying at 3 am (or you know - you were hungry and had gas at the same time).

Our first family picture.

But I should have expected you to be amazing. Not just because you're my son (I'm biased), but because I had such a WONDERFUL pregnancy. You made me want to be pregnant a million times - okay, that's a bit dramatic (I see where you get it from now).

BUMP!
 But I loved being pregnant...I felt so beautiful and I loved my belly. I actually miss it. I don't miss that number on the scale - I gained 50 lbs. You were only 7 of those lbs...and the other 43 lbs were probably tater tots.


Belly love.
On top of having a great pregnancy, I had a fabulous labor experience. I had you in like...5 seconds!

Okay kidding- it was more like 5 hours.

My water broke around 3ish and I had you at 7:41 pm.

"Making a decision to have a child--it's momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
- Elizabeth Stone
 I'll never forget the moment I first saw you...you might expect me to say you were the most beautiful child I'd ever laid eyes on (YOU ARE). But you were blue, covered in a white film, and had a giant conehead. I noticed the wrinkles on your forehead too...that's a Bedwell trait. I (and your Grandpa Bedwell) both have wrinkles on our foreheads. Despite those first impressions, please know that I still think you are the most beautiful and perfect baby.

And I can't say much...I'm sure I smelled sweaty. I KNOW my hair was a HOT mess because I didn't have time to shower before labor (even though that was my ONLY wish for labor...take a hot shower before the hospital).

Crazy hair.
And crazy about YOU!
Also -in case you're wondering - your conehead is a LOT better than it was the first night. Hey, it happens to the best of us.

In the hospital - we had a moment. The nurse pushed you in the room. We were alone. I looked over at you in your little, clear bassinet. And you had this look on your face...a look of peace and comfort. You seemed relaxed and I felt like you were studying my me...just as I was studying you.

Neither of us have a clue what to do or expect. But we both knew one thing...

We are in this together. 

Our moment.

And that's when I first this rush of love...

A rush of joyful pride. 

You are my son. I'm already so proud to me your mother

And I can't wait to watch you grow up.

But I don't want this time to go by quickly. Even though I feel like it already has...

How are you a month old already, baby boy?

What are some highlights from month one? Here are a few:

- You pooped and peed so much in your crib (on night one) that we had to change the sheets...twice!

- I was so anxious to leave your side that I slept on the ground next to your crib that first night home too.

- We went on an emotional rollercoaster with your jaundice issues and my lack of supply (aka feeding issues).

- I spent a lot of late nights watching Netflix (especially Prison Break) while I was nursing you. That show will always remind me of our late nights and early mornings together.

- You live up to your nickname "Cooper the Pooper"  - for real dude. But thankfully, you save most of your poopy diapers for your father. 

- A lot of your newborn clothes didn't fit you at first- skinny man! I felt like you wore the same onesie over and over again. I promise I changed and cleaned you...I just didn't have a lot of wardrobe options.

The most popular onesie of all.
And this picture makes my hear sing.
You were napping and holding my hand.

- We've ran our first (of many) errands together - just the two of us. If you ONLY knew how traumatized I was to load you up in that car seat and walk out the door with just you...no one else by my side.

What if something happens? 

What if I forgot something? 

What if you scream your head off in the middle of the store and I have to nurse you in the shoe isle at Target with no cover up? 

Hopefully I learn to stop playing the "What If?" game soon and just go with it + worry about those events when they happen.

- We took newborn photos and you were an EXCELLENT model.

You're perfect.

- I once dropped a bottle on your head because it slipped from my hands. You didn't cry. You just gave me a hilarious mean mug. I think if you could talk you would have said, "You get one, mom...now don't let this happen again!"

I can't take your mean mug seriously when you have a popped collar.
- We went on our first family walk and park adventure together when you were less than a week old. That felt like a huge accomplishment.

- We went to our first wedding together as a family. And when I say went, I mean pulled into the church parking lot as everyone was walking out of the church. I designed the wedding invites for my cousin, yet couldn't remember the actual time of the wedding ceremony! Opps!! At least you looked super adorable in your tie!

- You had your first babysitter...and I didn't have a total breakdown leaving you. This doesn't mean I didn't miss you -because you were constantly on my mind, little peanut!

- Speaking of little peanuts (get your mind out of the gutter), I call you a bazillion different nicknames. And I've called you Bandit a few times too. I sure hope you know your name after all of this...

My little love nugget.

- You smile. And you are trying to "talk" - I just know it. And once - actually twice- I witnessed you wipe your mouth once you were done eating. YOU ARE SO ADVANCED. Your father thinks this was just a coincidence, but I know the truth...you're a future Nobel Prize winner.

As my mind was flooding with all of these memories on our drive home this afternoon, I glanced at the sidewalk. I saw a woman pushing a really old man (about 80+) in a wheelchair. He was smiling big and you could tell he appreciated the sunshine and fresh air.

Then I thought about you.

You're going up so quickly.

"Pretty soon you'll be an old man!" I said (dramatic, I know). 

Then, as if it were planned, I paid attention to the lyrics of the song playing on the radio:

"Well, life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes..."

I thought about the old man. 

I thought about you.

Us.

Our family.

I started crying.

"These damn hormones," I said out loud in the car. 

Then I made a promise- right then and there - to always keep my eyes open and focus on what matters. 

To not let the long nights, difficult moments, or emotional breakdowns blind me from the love and joy that motherhood brings me. 

I've had a wonderful first month with you, baby boy. And I can't wait to see what the many, many, many, many (okay - you get the point) months ahead have in store for us.

I love you to the moon and back.

Much love,
Ashley

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Overdue Diaries

Did you know the only 5% of babies are born on their actual due date?

Well- that's why my Baby Bump app said anyway...



I guess Cooper didn't want to be a part of that statistic!

My ORIGINAL due date was Saturday, September 7th.

This date seemed SO far away when I wrote it down in January.

Then they bumped it to Sunday, September 8th at my 20 week ultrasound.

So while Saturday wasn't my "new" due date, I still had a feeling - deep down - that MAYBE, just maybe Saturday would be the day.

Oh you know, just our weekend "to-do" list.

I woke up early - like ridiculously early (3:45 am) and couldn't fall back asleep. I watched TV for about an hour and then played around on my iPhone (aka started pinning recipes on Pinterest that I'll never have the time or desire to cook in real life).

"Babe," Justin moaned. "Your phone is seriously bright as the sun! If you can't sleep, go somewhere else please..."

I laid in bed a while longer - just looking at ceiling and thinking.

Will this be my last Saturday without having a kid?

I pulled myself out of bed around 5:45 and started doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen. How can a family of two make such a mess sometimes?! I am in for a WORLD of change when Cooper gets here...

Bandit and I went on a walk and I did some exercises until Justin woke up.

Bandit and The Belly.

Once we got ready to go, Justin and I went to my favorite breakfast place - La Peeps (thanks to my Dad). I got my usual - The Beach Comber...a skillet mixed with diced potatoes, sun dried tomatoes, mushrooms, avocados, Wisconsin cheddar cheese, and topped with two basted eggs. I could literally eat that skillet of Heaven every single morning of my life.

"OMG - LOOK!" I yelled to Justin. "A cheese shop!!! We need to go explore!"

We went inside, but I was pretty disappointed. It was more of an expensive wine market with Simply Tasteful mix dips and what not....

"Well, what did you expect?" Justin asked me.

"I guess a lot more bricks of cheese...and samples! Lots of samples!" I said back.

Disappointed, we walked onward and headed over to Carter's.

Walking into Carter's was magical. I feel in LOVE with that store. So many little, tiny adorable baby outfits!!

And cute little babies bopping around all over the place. I can't count how many adorable babies smiled at me...as if they knew I'm about to have my own little bundle of joy VERY soon.

We ended up getting four  outfits for Cooper...a fleece vest and sweatpants outfit that made my heart go pitter-patter, an adorable monster onesie (which was only $2.99), a Christmas outfit (see below), and a Turkey Day onesie!

Penguin butt! The onesie says "Cool Dude."

He will be on stylish kiddo - that's for sure!

To be honest, I am sitting here and have NO clue what we did the rest of  Saturday...I am guessing I bounced around on an AB ball and watched Prison Break.

Bandit protecting Cooper.

I went on a trip to the store for corn and $60 later, I had snacks for days.

The only thing my poor husband wanted was fresh corn.
Cooper had other plans.

On Sunday - our "real" due date - I again woke up early. I took Bandit for a walk, wrote a blog post for Jada Beauty, picked up a sweet tea from McCallisters, stopped by Bath and Body Works to get some pumpkin-inspired soaps, went to the grocery store with Justin, and I watched even more episodes of Prison Break. I simply tried to keep my mind and body busy!

Later that evening, Justin made chili for dinner - with two kinds of beef in the mix (which turned out to be a BIG mistake).

We both woke up with meat sweats that night...3 am rolled around and I was convinced my water broke!

"OMG babe," I said as I pulled covers off my soaking wet body. "Are you sweating your ass off too!?"

He moaned some jibberish and rolled over.

Well, good to know you feel the same way.

Bandit grunted and I suddenly wondered if he had gotten into the chili as well!

But alas, no baby Coops! Just meat sweats....

So by the time Monday morning rolled around, I was pulling myself out of bed and getting ready for work.

Will this be my last Monday of work for the next 12 weeks?

Possibly - but who knows! I dug around in my closet in hopes I'd find something that still fits me. I've got it narrowed down to about 4-5 outfits that I rotate each week. 

By Monday afternoon, my stomach was cramping and my body was sweating again. I felt awful!

I had the leftover chili for lunch....

I honestly thought I was about to turn into one of those people that delivered a baby on a toilet. 

Will this be my birthing story? Is this how everything will end!? 

To my surprise, Cooper was not born in my office bathroom. And I managed to make it home without my stomach ripping apart again. 

I walked in the door and saw Justin's face...he was miserable too.

WE HAVE TO THROW AWAY THE MEAT SWEAT CHILI!

At least I can still use my belly as a TV tray.


Justin felt SO miserable that he didn't even eat dinner...

"I am honestly afraid to eat anything," he said.

"Not me," I said. "I think I disposed of all my nutrients and I need to replenish myself!"

I made a sandwich for dinner and we watched five - yes five - episodes of Prison Break. 

The Cooper Creepers.

So, here we are...now two days overdue. I'm feeling surprisingly great.  Minus the meat sweats, of course. 

(Never again will we use that recipe for Chili).

Everyone has been giving me tips on how to get Cooper out. Here is the list I gathered so far:
  • Walk (Every day- sometimes twice!)
  • Squats and jumping jacks (Check - even though those movements make me nearly pee my pants...so then I would just wonder if I peed myself OR question if my water really did break)
  • Eat pineapple (Check, although not an overwhelming amount)
  • Drink raspberry leaf tea (I haven't tried this one yet, but does sweet tea from McCalister's Deli count?) 
  • Eat spicy foods (Does that meat sweat chili count!?)
  • Bounce on an exercise ball (Check - this one is actually fun)
  •  Drink castor oil (NO THANK YOU - have you read the side effects of castor oil? I'll keep my baby inside of me for a few extra days before I go through meat sweat side effects again).
  •  Have fun with your husband (I'm going to keep this one PG because I know a lot of family - including parents and grandparents read my blog on a regular basis- so let's just leave this one as "check")
I've just come to terms with the fact Cooper will come out whenever he is ready. At least he is healthy and safe in there...and apparently extremely comfortable and loving the foods I keep feeding him. Justin said Cooper won't come until I stop feeding him Pumpkin Spice Lattes! 

But let's be real - that's just his attempt at getting me to spend less money at Starbucks.


Cooper + PSL = Love

We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. They've already told me they don't like to go more than a week past the due date. With that mind, I am sure they will schedule me for an induction sometime soon. My preference would be Sunday night or Monday. That way I have one more weekend to myself...or Cooper can come naturally!

Either way, I'm just trying to remain calm and enjoy these final few days. I just feel extremely lucky that I've had a wonderful pregnancy. I honestly have no major complaints right now and some woman feel completely miserable at this point.

I think Cooper just enjoys all the attention he is getting by making people wait...and keeping everyone (including his parents) on their toes!

But hey - I can respect his decision to be fashionably late. 

I've never been one to show up to a party on time...you have to make a grand appearance

He is my son- no denying it!

PS I just wanted to send a special thank you to everyone who has been sending us sweet messages and checking in on us! We're so thankful to have so many people eager to meet this little man!

Much love,
Ashley

Saturday, September 7, 2013

40 weeks

And still growing strong!


Much love, 
Ashley 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The Love of Strangers

I'm sure crying and hugging out front of a hospital is normal scene. Maybe more so inside the hospital than outside of it though...

But today - if you would have drove by the hospital ...you would have seen me crying my eyes out and hugging an adorable old lady with cancer, who completely stole my heart.

Let's back up for a minute...

I walked into the doctor's office and found myself instantly smiling at the adorable old lady in a pink shirt. I'd say she was about 75 years old. She was a rather petite woman, and her bubbly and talkative personality reminded me of Grandma Kaye.

Grandma Kaye and me a few years ago on Labor Day weekend.
She means the absolute world to me.


She was talking to young woman who reminded me of the meth head on Orange is the New Black. Now, I mean that with all honesty and no judgment.

Even Justin asked if I noticed the woman in the waiting room that looked like Kentucky from the Orange is the New Black.

The older woman started chatting with Kentucky about her granddaughter who is a writer.

"I just hate writing," the older woman said. "I don't know why or how people do it! I never liked writing in high school and even today - I don't like writing this paper work."

Kentucky leaned over toward the older man and said, "I'm about to blow your mind."

I instantly re-positioned myself so I could hear this "mind blowing" conversation. I was so incredibly intrigued to hear what was about to come out of her mouth.

"I love writing," Kentucky said.

THAT IS MIND BLOWING!? THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE!?

She looked down and started laughing then said, "In fact, I am writing a book!"

The older man said, "Oh my! That is crazy!"

And I couldn't tell if she was serious or just messing around with her.

At this point, I was making eye contact with everyone in the office...we were all thinking the same thing.

We were all ease dropping.

And we all wanted to hear more.

"And I am about to blow your mind again," Kentucky said.

OH YES! Here we go...Just then, I saw Justin walking into the office from the restroom.  But I couldn't even acknowledge him - I was WAY too interested in this conversation to give him the time of day.

"I HAVE A PET MONKEY!" Kentucky said.

Hold the phone - am I really at the OBGYN office? Seriously, what is happening with this woman and what does her pet monkey (is that even legal?) have to do with her passion of writing!?

At that moment, Kentucky got called back into the doctor's office.

The old woman yelled something like, "Tell your pet monkey I said hello" which made me almost pee my pants. Again, I couldn't tell if she was joking or serious.

A few minutes later, I leaned over to Justin and whispered, "Oh no- I think I have to poop."

Just then, the old woman looked up at me.

At first, I was nervous she heard me talking about how I had to poo.

But then she asked me, "Are you having your baby today!?"

"Maybe!" Justin said.

"But it's unlikely," I added. "I am due Sunday!"

"OH MY!" she said. "As in this Sunday?!"

I smiled and nodded my head.

"Is this your first?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I said. "Well, we have a dog that we already treat like a child though..."

She laughed, "Well this is such an exciting time for you. Congratulations!! When I had my first, I was put me under...they drugged me and I don't remember anything. But, boy times have changed!"

She went on to tell me all about her health history and relationship with her husband.

"But all of this was before The Big C entered my life - you know what I mean," she said.

At first, I didn't know what she meant and I slightly tilted my head and said, "NO?"

Then it hit me.

Cancer.

She has (or had) Cancer.

The Big C.

"Yeah, Cancer," she said as if she was reading my mind. "And I have heart disease and a few thing health problems...but here I am!!!"

We all paused - it was hard to know what to say next.

"Well," I said. "You really do look wonderful."

And I meant it- she looked wonderful and sounded great. She was talkative and I never would have guessed there was anything in her life that got her down...

"Well, the doctors came out with these new drugs six years ago," she said. "And those drugs...well those drugs are what kept me alive."

"I am glad," I said.

"Me too- the Good Lord kept me around me so I could do drugs!" she shouted. 

I literally almost peed my pants (again). We all knew what she meant, but couldn't stop laughing. 

She went on to share more stories and crack jokes at everyone who would walk by or listen to her. I was probably a huge distraction from getting her paper work done because I kept asking her questions and egging her on. I just wanted to know more about her life. She made me laugh so hard I had to ask to use the restroom before I peed all over myself.

As I went to the restroom, they went out to call my name.

So even more hilarious? Picture this...

Ashley Sieb gets called in the waiting room...and Justin has to stand up, pick up my purse, and walk back to the exam rooms. I'm sure everyone (minus the old lady who saw me there earlier) was wondering if he had a sex change or what was going on...

Can you imagine how uncomfortable and awkward he felt when that happened? I'm dying just picturing it...

Anyway, I went to the scale and learned I actually lost 1 lb, which sounds impossible because I am pretty sure I ate a horse over the weekend. Maybe my extra workouts and walks made a difference!!

My blood pressure was 170 / 40 - so higher than normal still, but nothing that made them worry.

And for the scoop on Coop, well I am still just 1 CM dilated and 80% effaced.

She told me those are good numbers. She made another comment about how that's a great cervical exam, and then I immediately felt less special when she told me last week I had the "best cervical exam all week" - but hey, it's better than hearing it was the worst cervical exam, right?!

I told her that I couldn't feel Cooper moving around as much...I'd been doing my kick counts, but over the last few days - it just felt harder to feel the movements. Or at least, be quiet and concentrate enough to feel even the smallest movements.

"Well, let's do a stress test," she said. "No, that doesn't mean you or the baby have to run on a treadmill. Basically, we will just hook you up to monitors to see Baby's heart rate, contractions, and movement.

I went into another room and they hooked me up to this machine and I got nervous. I had to hit a button every single time I felt a kick or movement.

Justin looked at me with a serious look on his face and just said, "Concentrate."

He knows me too well...he knows my mind is always racing a mile a minute. I have a hard time relaxing and focusing when I am stressed or worried. Or in general.

I had to be hooked up to the machine for 20 minutes. After the first 10 minutes, I was getting anxious. I had only felt him move four times. Maybe four. I was slightly guessing...kind of like you do at the eye doctor when you do that exam and have to click the button when you think you see a flash of light....And one of those times, I think it was a gas bubble.

The nurse came back into the room and looked at the report.

"I think he is sleeping," she said.

She pulled out this vibrator looking thing and I immediately wondered where she was going to put that thing...

"I'm just going to roll this over your belly," she said. "It will vibrate a little bit and should wake Baby up."

She rolled it across my belly once and sure enough, that woke (and pissed off) Sir Cooper! Almost immediately, he started kicking and moving around. His heart rate went up some too!

Finally, after 10 more minutes the doctor came in and said the report looked "beautiful" - she said we have a healthy and active baby in there.

I was relieved. She said it's always better to be safe than sorry - so it's always good to do this test if we're worried about Baby.

It was such a big weight off my shoulders. I went to the restroom before I left, so Justin left before me.

My adorable old lady friend came out from behind me and we had the chance to walk out together.

"This is your first, right?" She asked me again.

"Yeah- it sure is!" I said. "We're so excited!"

"And do you know what you're having?" she asked.

"A baby boy," I said. "Cooper Joseph."

"Ohhhhh!" she shrieked. "I just LOVE that name!!!"

"Thank you!" I said, with a big smile. "We can't wait to meet him!"

We walked on the elevator together and another woman entered the elevator with us. She had ultrasound pictures of her baby...and told us she just found out that she was having a baby girl.

"This really is the most exciting time of your life," the old woman said to us both.

I was thankful for her positivity.  
The elevator dinged open and she said, "Well, I forget where I parked!"

Seriously, is this lady related to me or what? Or am I having a glimpse into the future and seeing myself as a 75-year-old woman?

"Can I help you find your car?" I asked.

"Oh no," she said. "I think I am this way!"

"Well hey, me too," I said. "We can walk out together."

She smiled and said, "You know, I just couldn't stop thinking about you and your husband after I met you guys. You seem like such a special couple."

"Aww," I said. "Well thank you!"

"And I just kept looking at him and seeing this positive presence of God," she said. "Is he a minister?"

"Well," I said. "Funny you say that....he isn't a minster really, but he did get ordained online and  married my sister and her husband!"

"OH my!" she said. "How special- I just knew it! He seems like such a great, young man. Very humble and wise."

"He certainly is," I said. "I am very lucky to have him in my life."

"Well, he is lucky to have you too," she said. "And he knows it! You can just tell by the way he looks at you...he is proud to call you his wife."

I immediately started crying.

She put her hand on my arm and said, "You are a very special couple and you will make great parents."

I gave her a hug and didn't want to let go. I had such a tough morning...even earlier I wrote a blog (that I wasn't sure if I should publish or not - but I did anyway) about how uncertain I've felt about everything and how worried I've been about "being a good mom." I am SURE these are normal thoughts that every emotional pregnant woman encounters...

"You're wonderful," I said. "Good luck with everything."

We both had tears in our eyes and she said, "See you next year! Right here- same place and time. You'll have your baby and might be pregnant again!"

I gave her another hug and asked if she wanted me to walk her to her car.

"See you soon!" I yelled back.

My only regret is not getting her name or number so we could keep in touch.

The love of strangers is so powerful. 

Don't forget the impact that you can have on someone's life or day - simply by striking up a conversation or asking about their day. 

I will never, ever forget this adorable old woman. She put so much faith and confidence back in my heart today. And I'm so thankful for her stories all afternoon and most importantly- that moment we shared hugging and crying out front of the hospital. 

Much love,
Ashley

Put Positivity First

I have to be honest...

As I sat at the kitchen table eating my Special K cereal, my mind just kept repeating all of the comments and stories people have been throwing my way these last few days.

And by the time I got to work, I just wanted to hide under my desk and cry. 

I know deep in my heart everyone has the best intentions. But it seems like the majority of the comments I get are geared toward my life being "over" and how I should "sleep (or do anything relatively fun) while I can" because "your entire world is about to turn upside down."

And while I am FULLY aware that these are true statements....

But to be honest, it's just not what you want to hear the days leading up to your big day.

It's gotten to the point where I am even questioning if I will be a good mother. Or I am even cut out for parenthood.

What if I can't make him stop crying? 

What if I never sleep again? 

What if I never shower again? 

What if I never brush my hair again? 

What if I turn into a cow - in all contexts of the word - and simply let my child nurse for hours and hours without even blinking? 

What if I never leave the house again without wearing a sweat pant suit and a scrunchy ponytail?

What if my husband and I never have sex again and we simply become roommates - living in the same house, but operating like zombies?

What if am a bad mother?

These are the types of questions I had my husband last time before bed. These questions of doubt and fear have completely consumed my thoughts these last few days....

These are the thoughts some people, movies, and books have put in my head about the perceptions of parenthood.

And the reality is- many of these thoughts are true...maybe not to the extreme examples I've included...but these situations are likely going to happen.

But these are the thoughts that I don't want to have in my head leading up to the birth of my son.

I want encouragement.

I want excitement.

I want joy.

I know people think they're doing me a favor by reminding me that being a new parent IS NOT all butterflies and ponies bringing home a baby.

It's hard.

And certainly, there will be a lot of crying (Justin, Bandit, and myself included).

There will be fights.

Breakdowns.

Horrible moments. 

But can we all take a minute to throw out some positivity and share some good stories too?

Tell me what you loved about your doctor or nurses at the hospital. How they completely made a difference in your mood or experience at the hospital.

Tell me what went through your head as you first laid eyes on your son or daughter for the first time. How you haven't ever seen a more beautiful or loving creature in your entire life.

Tell me about a trick that REALLY worked when you were trying to put your sleepless baby to bed. How you only wished someone would have told you this sooner....

Tell me about a moment where you just looked at your new child and realized that you...and your world were never the same. How you don't know how you ever truly lived  and experienced life without this little tiny person.

Tell me about something your child said or did that really touched your heart. How their thoughtful actions or words made you see them in a different way or light.

Maybe as a society we tend to over-share our negative experiences more than the positive ones. I mean, my Facebook and Twitter newsfeed is FULL of this proof. Many of the posts I come across are people complaining, leaving indirect comments toward other people, or simply feeling sorry for themselves.


I once heard for every bad experience, you'll tell 10 people about it

And for every positive one, you only tell 3.

Why only 3 people? Why not share the good? Why not switch around those numbers? 

So maybe...just maybe...we aren't programed in today's age to put positivity first....but can we all agree it's time to switch that mentality?

There is CERTAINLY time and place for the negative stories. I'm not saying you should hide all of the bad experiences and stories that come up in your life. It'll only lead to isolation, heart break, and the inability to heal or move on.

But can we all agree that now is the time to put positivity first?!

I've absolutely have friends and family in my life who have shared some remarkable stories and shared some really uplifting advice. 

And those same people, who have been super positive throughout this entire pregnancy...you know who you are...and I am SO SO SO thankful for you...In fact, there is too many of you to name - because I really do have a great support group in my life.  

And no one person triggered this post or did / said anything awful to me that kept me up all night cying. So please, please don't take this personal if you think (or know) you said something about getting more sleep now or how my life will change. I promise you there isn't a single person I have in mind while writing this post.

It's just a combination of one liners here and there - sometimes from strangers - that just get me thinking...

But pregnancy related or not, it's just an important reminder for us all...to focus on how we can ease someone's mind instead of worry their mind. To share positive stories that inspire hope and happiness

Just something to think about...

Much love,
Ashley 

Monday, September 2, 2013

The Waiting Game

"When do you think your water will break?" Justin asked me earlier tonight when we were sitting outside eating frozen yogurt.

I had to think about the question for a minute.

The waiting game is hard. Throughout the past two weeks, I've woken up each morning thinking - "What if today is the day?"

I TRY not to get caught up in that thinking. But I'd be lying if the thought didn't cross my mind at least once a day!

Sometimes, I think it will happen at work when I walking to the restroom, filling up my water, or even the middle of a meeting. One of my coworkers actually had a dream my water broke in one of our conference rooms..so hey - you never know!

Other times I think it will happen when we are home....either in bed, as I'm walking down the stairs with laundry, or when I am satisfying one of Special K cravings.

Then I think about the times when I walk walking Bandit, running an errand, or even driving to my brother's football game.

But alas- I have no clue. And zero visibility into this master birthing plan that is in my immediate future.

"I don't know," I said. "I'll probably have to be induced! I mean - he just seems so comfortable in there..."

Justin laughed and gave me a hard time for thinking the way.

I mean honestly- he is living like a king in there. 

He probably wants to hang out in there all Fall so he can enjoy all these Pumpkin Spice Lattes I keep drinking. 

I've always wanted my water to break naturally and to NOT be induced - but I simply have to sit back and wait to see how everything plays out.  So I've been trying to keep myself busy!

On Friday, I went to my little brother's football game. I say little- BUT he is a senior in high school. And he will be 18 this month! Where does time go?! How did he grow up so quickly!!

Cooper and Uncle Loshe.


The boys amazed by my big belly.


On Saturday, Justin and I did picked up some final items off our registry. 

Obviously I had to pick up this ADORABLE pumpkin butt outfit.


Saturday also marked week 39 for us!

Saturday was an eventful day in terms of my body too.  

Disclaimer: Now is the time to stop reading and scroll to Sunday section if you don't want to read about pregnancy details. 

Good - you've decided to stay...

So on Saturday, I went to the bathroom and I'm 84.3% sure my "mucus plug" came out ...or at least started to. I wasn't 100% sure so I decided to go a Google search on this topic. I decided it was probably a good idea to finish my breakfast before I browsed the Web...so I ate my cereal then headed over to the computer. THANKFULLY I finished eating first because the the Google images that came back for "mucus plug" made me want to vomit. And I am having horrible flashbacks as I type this out...

Anyway, there was that...and I also thought I broke my toe a few hours later. 

The oven went off indicating my tater tots were done...I got up to run to the oven, as if there was a bomb on it and if I didn't open the oven in 30 seconds the house would blow up.

As a result of my hunger and lack of coordination, I ran straight into the wall. Not lying - right into the wall. Who does that?

So, my toe was bleeding and bruising RIGHT away.

"Well hey, you might be at the hospital soon anyway," Justin said trying to cheer me up.

SUNDAY DETAILS:

Sunday morning we woke up early to finish cleaning and getting the house ready. I've missed my family so much lately and I can't really travel that far in case my water breaks (the doctor didn't want me traveling more than 2 hours from home after week 36).

My sister decided to come up for a visit - which made me SO happy. We decided to turn the day trip into a little birthday party for my nephew (because I can't make his party this coming weekend).

B and I getting ready for the par-tay!


My amazing sister brought me a Taco pizza from Decatur!
I WAS SO INCREDIBLY happy and ate a piece the moment she walked in the door.


Laden super excited about his new Pokemon trainer kit!

Yes, Bandit tried to help Landen and the other kids open up the birthday gifts.
He is hilarious.




All you need is a giant gift bag and you'll make any 2-year-old happy!

My mini me!!


I had SUCH an amazing time just catching up with everyone and laughing with my nephews - they honestly crack me up...and make me so excited to have a little boy of my own soon.

And my heart absolutely melted when they would rub my belly, get a giant smile on their face, and yell, "I  FELT HIM KICK!"

I knew they didn't feel him kick, but it was adorable to see their reaction.

And when they left, they came up and gave me a hug. Then said goodbye to Cooper.

My nephew Braxen said, "SEE YOU SOON COOPER!!"

It was the cutest thing ever.

Braxen, Landen, and Will all think Cooper will be here on Thursday. The boys were right about me being pregnant. They were right about Cooper being a boy. So who knows - they might be right about his arrival date too!

My sister and I both think it will be Wednesday.

Mom thought Coops would make his grand appearance today - while it seems unlikely now, there is still time before the clock strikes midnight!!

Justin said he is thinking Cooper will wait until his due date, but he is hoping that he at least holds out until Wednesday. Why?

Because he has a super duper important fantasy football draft tomorrow evening. Can you imagine me being in labor and Justin at the hospital with his laptop - all upset about not getting his second pick while I am screaming in labor pain / trying not to punch him?

Yeah, I think we need to video record the events leading up to Cooper's arrival. Knowing us, the trip to the hospital and conversations leading up to Cooper's arrival will be a hilarious and extraordinary event that people would only see to believe...

What do you guys think!?

Any gut feelings on when #CoopWatch will turn into a #CoopWarning!?

Much love,
Ashley

Friday, August 30, 2013

Why My Mind is Blown

Happy Friday, you guys!

I usually do a "Favorite Outfit Friday" post today, BUT I totally spaced to take a bathroom mirror selfie picture before work.

Hopefully you aren't too disappointed.

Instead, I'll share with you my adorable mustache scarf that I wore today.

Adorable little staches.
I am still in denial that I am growing this baby and he will be here ANY DAY now.

I mean sure- my belly is huge.

I waddle like a chubby duck.

I resemble a pregnant meerkat (as we learned in my previous blog post). 

I feel Cooper kick and punch me...or as I call it "dancing."

I have Braxton Hicks contractions that are picking up more and more each day.

I hear the heart beat often.

I have ultrasounds to prove he exists!

And the doctor said I'm starting to dilate + thin out! 

But honestly, it truly BLOWS MY MIND that a baby...a little, tiny person is growing inside of me.

With fingers.

Little tiny toes.

Big (but not too big), beautiful brown eyes (I'm guessing on this one).

A brain ready to be filled with knowledge and happy memories. And lessons learned the hard way too...

A beating heart.

A smile that will completely melt my soul.

A laugh that will certainly take after one of my MANY laughs. We can only hope that he inherits my machine gun laugh.

And hair. Probably not a lot of hair, but he will certainly hopefully have hair.

And ....have I annoyed you yet or should I keep going?

I just don't know how explain how I feel in words...so I'll let this picture do the talking. When it comes to having a baby in about a week or less, this is how I feel:


I mean, I could have a baby tomorrow.

Or even tonight.

Or even after I post this blog...

So what am I doing this weekend?

Well -besides playing the waiting game... I'll be spending time with my family, cleaning the house a million times, and watching Prison Break on Netflix - which will subsequently lead to nightmares that keep me up all night.

It'll be great.


Much love,
Ashley

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Cooper's First Rap Song: Drop It Like It's Hot

I found this lyrical brilliance on my pregnancy timeline comments.

And all lyrical credit goes to my dear friend: Melanie Allen.

Enjoy.

When the owl pillow is in the crib Coop
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
 
When the Braxton Hicks try to get at ya
Deep breaths like it's hot
Deep breaths like it's hot
Deep breaths like it's hot
 
And if Justin get a attitude
Side eye like it's hot
Side eye like it's hot
Side eye like it's hot
 
I got the hospital bag on my arm and I'm ready to go
And I got extra tissues cuz the tears are gonna flow

Much love,
Ashley

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Final (Cooper) Countdown

"When are you due!?" a woman asked me in the restroom yesterday.

"Next Sunday!" I said back. 

Holy cow - I am due to have a baby next flipping weekend!!! 

I almost crapped my pants as I spoke those words...guess I was in the right place for that to happen...

Can you believe I am almost 39 weeks!?!!?

I had a doc appt today. I was a little anxious because I knew they would check to see if I was dilated or not. And I was warned last week that this can be a painful exam (depending on your definition of "pain"). 

Justin actually joined me for the doc appt today - it was so nice to have him there with me. 

First, I gave the traditional urine sample. And yes, I always draw a smile face on the cup!

Happy pee.

Next, I went to the dreaded scale. I gained 1 lb from last week. I finally caved and bought a scale for the home again. I am usually 3-4 lbs lighter in the morning - so I wasn't surprised when I saw the number on the scale (my appt was at 2 pm). 

To date, I've gained 40 lbs during my pregnancy. 38 lbs on a good day! I wanted to only gain about 25-30 lbs, but hey - I'll take it! I'm still proud of myself for being so active throughout this pregnancy. And for the MOST part, I ate pretty healthy!

Next, the nurse took my blood pressure. I had a feeling (based on the heat and my swelling) that it would be higher than normal - and it was. My BP was 140/90. Higher than normal, but nothing to panic about.

The nurse gave me a robe and told me the doctor would be in shortly. Justin helped me put the robe on, which I found adorable! 

"Look at your little butt!" Justin said. 

"There is nothing little about my butt," I said back. "There might be a little BIT sticking out, but that thing is definitely not little..." 

We both laughed - I don't mean that in a negative way. I enjoy my booty and curves. And so does J! 

Does anyone else think I look like a meerkat in this picture?

Also, this is what a pregnant meerkat looks like for comparison:

You're welcome.

The doctor came in and found Cooper's heartbeat - 132 bmp! 

Perfect. 

I wanted to run out of the room - with my butt cheeks flopping in the wind and all - and break into the ultrasound room to see pictures of him! We haven't had an ultrasound since week 20 when he looked like this:



I am so eager to see what he looks like now.... And most importantly, I just want go know if he is healthy. 

Next came the big ol' exam! I definitely thought it would be way worse...I had a little discomfort, but nothing that made me want to cry or moan in pain. 

"Oh wow," she said. "That's good."

Hmm what's good!? Did you just high give my baby down here!? 

"You are 1 CM dilated," she said. "And your cervix is already 80% thinned out." 

"Sooo that's a good thing!?" I asked, slightly confused about what this cervix talk means. 

"Oh yeah!" She said. "You could have a baby tomorrow...or it could still be a few weeks." 

Justin and I just looked at each other and smiled. 

"But your cervix looks great," she said. "This was the best cervical exam I've done all day!" 

I felt like I should have received a certificate. Or at least a high five! 

But instead, I settled for a moment of uncomfortable silence and then I probably said something awkward. I honestly can't remember because I was too busy daydreaming about the moment I get to see Cooper for the first time! 

"And I am on call this weekend," she said. "So who knows- I might just see you this weekend!"   

Oh. My. Gosh. 

Cooper is making his way down and the pathway is opening up. Sure - it could be a few weeks. I've heard people say they (or someone they know) as 3-4 CM for weeks. 

But all I know is - no matter what - I will be giving birth to a beautiful baby boy in less than two weeks! 

Now if you will excuse me, I am off to walk bandit, do some free weights, and bounce on my ab ball... Gotta work this baby out of me somehow! 

Much love, 
Ashley