I drove home from the movie "Dear John" with full eyes. Tears streamed down my face as I unlocked my car door. I managed to keep my emotions to myself in the restroom, but once I got inside my car -- it was fair game to let my tears pour.
I was overwhelmed with emotion. Thinking of the love in the movie and comparing that love to my own love story. Justin isn't in Iraq and I'm not a skinny blonde girl who grew up on a rich farm, not drinking. But that's because our love story has a different story, one surely worth crying about. Happy tears. And since writing is my passion -- I am dedicating this blog to the man who has completely transformed my life. With tears splashing on the keys of my worn laptop, I dedicate this to you Justin Sieb.
I know you aren't overseas. You are currently in the same city as me, but its safe to say I miss you. With work during the busiest time of year for you and my spring break coming to an end, our schedules are at constant conflict. I miss you.
I miss you when you aren't right next to me. Often. The feeling of your hand in mine makes my heart melt and the smile on your face makes my eyes glow.
I never thought a love like ours was possible. When we first met, I was a young college girl looking for a good time. You were a young college boy ready to grow up into a man. I can't even explain what sort of forces were pushing us together that night, but I am so glad our paths crossed. Our lives began on the steps of a college house on Maplewood Avenue. The same place that you proposed to me. You took me there so we could start the rest of our lives together in a place where it all began.
I was fragile when I first met you. Sure, its easy to smile and make people laugh. But loving someone with all your heart, every ounce of your soul is a challenge. Something you can feel, but never find the words to explain precisely. So I am doing my best now. I love you.
I was broken when you came into my life. With a past of cheating "boyfriends" and heart breaks, I wasn't ready to give my heart away to you. But you stole it from me. You had me from the moment you met me. Most of all, it felt like I hadn't ever not known you. That first night together we walked home from the party holding hands -- you would never know we hadn't walked home together like that for years.
I'll never forget the first night you realized we would be apart for a summer. You were going home, but I was staying in Muncie. Your dorm was just up the street from my house, so we had no trouble seeing each other. But the days would be longer without each other. And I remember coming out of my house and seeing you sitting on the front steps. You weren't smiling, but you weren't crying. But I could feel something was wrong as you were starring up at the sky.
"Are you okay babe?" I asked slightly knowing the answer.
"Its just--" you started. "It just hit me that I won't be able to walk down the street to see you anymore."
"No, you won't," I said. "But you can drive to see me. And we will do that often!"
I smiled and you gave me a small smile. It made my heart hurt. But we made it through the summers apart. We made it through the semester apart. We can make through anything together babe.
You have changed my life. I will never be able to thank you enough for not giving up on me. I am sorry I couldn't give you all my heart right away. I'm sorry I questioned your intentions and actions sometimes. The truth is I always trusted you, but not myself. I didn't trust myself enough to give my heart to you. But now its all yours. And I will never turn back. In fact, on May 15, 2010 I will be looking forward at you. Down the end of the isle. I hope that you smile with tears in your eyes. I'll mouth, "I love you" and I know you will mouth it back. Maybe I'll say "Olive Juice" -- to make you laugh. But just know, I can't wait to spend my whole life laughing; laughing with you.