The Academy Award for Most Dramatic Performance on the Scale Goes to..

I picture myself wearing a long, black ball gown. The bottom would flare out and be dramatic. Maybe something like this:

But again, I would wear black - because its a slimming color. (By the way, Jennifer Hudson looks unbelievable! I really need her diet and personal trainer! STAT!)

I would be in the audience. At the Oscars, anticipating an award that I don't really want to receive.

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock announce together, "And the Academy Award for the Most Dramatic Performance on the Scale goes to..." They would pause - smile at each other - and the camera would pan across my face.

"Ashley Sieb!" they would scream into the microphone. People would clap and others would let out a sigh of relief - Thankful its not them receiving this awful award.

***

Last week in Miami, I weighed myself and the scale said 219. I was so insanely happy; I felt good. My body truly felt happy and healthy. With a number like that, I was down 13 lbs since Janurary. All I could think when I jumped into the air was, FINALLY!!!! Finally I am seeing results!!


***

That emotion was short lived. I weighed myself this morning. I've honestly been in a rut the past few days.

Depressed. 

I truly can't put my finger on it.

Maybe I need a day off.

Maybe I need to stop making so many plans and running all around the place. I can't think of the last weekend I spent in my own apartment with my hubby and fur son.

Maybe I need to change my workout patterns.

Maybe I need new food for fuel.

Maybe I need to read a new book.

Maybe I need to catch up with old friends.

Maybe I need to tell a few people how I truly feel about them and our drifting friendships.

I'm not sure what I need to do, but I know the last thing I should have done was weighed myself this morning.

Back up to 228.

A gain of nearly 10 lbs.

In one week.

It breaks my heart. I feel like I give it my all. I know I could give more, but my time feels so limited each and every day. No excuses, you simply make time when you don't have it. Perhaps I'll be one of those people that starts working out at 5:30 a.m. But I have no self-control to pull myself out of bed that early....

I've even battled with this lactose allergy, which has dramatically changed my diet.

For someone who preaches about not caring about a number, I let it bring me down today. I'm human. I make mistakes. I have emotions. I get carried away at times...and today, I've gotten carried away. My mind has drifted so far away from reality and I am having a hard time focusing on what really matters.

I really don't have anything inspiring to conclude with, which is shocking - but, honest at the same time. I guess I am relying on you ... to help pick me back up. To help motivate me. To help inspire me. To help bring myself back to a positive place.

Much love,
Ashley