Sick love

Justin woke up to the sound of me weeping. Actually, I probably woke up him up from doing back flips across the bed because I was so unconformable. I couldn't sleep at all. My ear was pounding. Throbbing. I truly believed it had a heart beat of its own. I tilted my head sideways and I could feel the liquid moving around, stuck inside my ear that was completely swollen shut.

"Baby girl..." Justin muttered in his sleep.

I started crying, "Babe - my ear is swollen shut; I'm in so much pain. I need to go somewhere. "

My jaw was hurting too - it seemed that the infection had traveled down into my jaw, making it hard to even talk or eat. 

He got up and looked at it and then Justin's mom came in to check out my ear. They both agreed that my ear canal was swollen shut and part of the infection was actually swelling out of the ear canal. I picutre my ear turning into a nipple. I cried again. I just want to be normal!

The pain was so bad I remember thinking that I would rather birth a child...alone...in an elevator... with no pain meds than be in this much pain. Yes, I was that dramatic. No, I hope I never birth a child in an elevator, let alone...alone. But at that moment, it was a comparable painful experience.

Justin went downstairs and started Googling my symptoms. I'm sure the first search was cancer - because anytime you Google your symptoms, you almost always walk away thinking you have cancer.

But Justin's verdict was swimmers ear, which can also happen from cleaning your ears with a Qtip. Who knew?

This is not a professional actor. Pain and emotions are real.
Hope this made you chuckle.

We went to a 24-7 urgent care center at 5:30 am. I'm not a morning person and neither is Justin. In fact, he is still in bed as I write this blog post right now. But he was up early and ready to take care of me that morning. He didn't complain. He didn't tell me to suck it up. He didn't question my pain. He just rubbed my back and gave me this look that melted my heart and said, "I hate seeing you so sick. I wish you didn't feel this way..."

And then I cried again because he is so loving and good to me. And then I cried a little more, thinking of the wonderful father he will be one day. And then I cried again because my head felt like it was going to explode off due to the pressure.

Overall, I was whinny, overly dramatic and looked awful. No shower. No make-up. Mismatched clothes. But that got me thinking (Sex and the City Carrie Bradshaw style), do we get sick to remind ourselves to take it easy every once in a while or do our illnesses remind us to be thankful for the people around us? Or is it both?  I think both. I laid around the couch and watched Sex and the City with my boys, Bandit never leaving my side. He followed me to the bathroom. He slept by my feet and he gave me kisses every single time I whimpered in pain. I knew I wouldn't have nightmares because I couldn't even sleep, so I watched Criminal Minds and other scary shows guilt free. I replaced my wine with orange Gatorade and ate pizza for breakfast. I was definitely taking it easy...

I learned that even when you are so sick and the only person you care about is yourself and getting better, you must take the time to thank your caregivers. The people who hug you, bring your dinner, rub your back and drive you around at 5:30 in the morning to an urgent care center across town...thank those people. That's sick love. 



Much love,
Ashley