New Year, New Me

The cold air allowed me to see my breath as I walked home from the gym today. It reminded me that I am alive. I should start living in such a way.

I think of the millions of people sitting alone today thinking, eating lunch, drinking coffee, chatting online, watching tv, reading a book, taking their dog for a walk, smiling to a complete stranger, crying in the mist of a thought attack, or listening to their favorite song to cheer them up. No matter what they are doing, one thought is sure to cross their mind: How will I make 2010 a better/new/different year? That thought came to me on my walk home. So I made a list of things I want to achieve this year. My mini dream index for 2010.

1- I weigh 215 lbs. today. From reading my previous blogs, I'm sure you realize that I have issues with eating/my body. When I was at the deepest point of my eating disorder, I weighed 159 lbs -- hip bones sticking out in all. My new years dream with my body is to NOT give myself a number. Just give myself a break. I just want my jeans to fit a little better. I want my mind to drift away from negative thoughts about my body to positive thoughts. I'm healthy. I'm cancer free. I'm disease free (for the most part). I just want to develop habits to help me stay this way.

2- I want to buy a meal for a complete stranger. A few weeks ago, Justin told me read an article about a couple who randomly paid for another couple's bill in a resturant. The rest of the day, people paid it forward and bought someone else's lunch. Pretty awesome. I want to be a part of that experience.

3- I want to write a t0-do list and really do everything on the list. I am fabulous at making to-do lists, but my problem is completing everything on my list. Never once have I done every single thing on my list. Maybe I didn't work out. Maybe I didn't pay off more money to my student loan. Maybe I didn't write that thank you card. But I am going to do everything, at least once. Perhaps that will create the confidence I need to continue completing all my daily tasks. Or it will remind me that not everything needs to be done in one day. Time management is key.

4- I want to smile at complete strangers. For no reason at all. A smile is more contagious than the flu.

5- I want to thank everyone, yes everyone, who has made a difference in my life. This will be a task, but I can tell you right now that I will complete this mini dream. I need to get one "thank you" compelted now-- hopefully you read this: Thank you Brad King for inspring me in so many ways outside of my understanding. "Just know that today is not the end of all knowing." I can't even thank this man enough for what he has done for me and the way I approach the world. And he also inspired me to write a blog. And Tiffany Holbert- keep writing in your blog. You too helped me get started.

6- I want to scuba dive in the ocean. We all know that one of my biggest fears is sharks. But fear can't control my life. And if I am going to afraid of something, I mise well make it more practical. I have never seen a shark in my entire life, not in a lake, not in the ocean, and not driving down the street. I should be more afraid of drivers on the road than creatures in the ocean. So I need to get real and get over it. And dive in.

7- I want to get on dean's list my final semester of college. I've accomplished this task for the last four semester, but I can't let my final semester slow me down. I need to remind myself of the importance of being invovled and engaged in my education.

8 - I want to read more. My mind already feels better after reading just one book. Can you imagine what reading just three more will do? Watch out world.

9- I want to finish the introduction to one of my book ideas. I have four ideas going right now. Baby steps. I will write at least the introduction to my book, even though David Foster Wallace points out most people skip the introduction in books. I, however, will at least be motivated and focused on finshing it with having competed that.

10- I am leaving this one blank. I want to find something new to add to my list within the new year.