Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Disease of the People Pleaser
I used to obsess about pleasing other people. My needs? What? I don't have those, I just have to make sure everyone else and their brother's sister's neighbor's dog from China is happy, right?
But it took me years to come to this conclusion.
You can't please everyone. I've been reminded of this during the busy month of February. And I know I'm not alone. There are a lot of people out there who have the disease of the people pleaser.
My friend Joceyln Linder posted a tweet last night that said: "My problem is I care way too much for people who don't give a damn about me."
I've battled with exactly what she said my whole life. And, what have I learned?
Use your time, energy and thoughts wisely. All of those things are precious. You are precious.
If you can fully say that someone doesn't give a damn about you, move on. Seriously, if they do not make time for you, don't make time for them. Stop stressing about their actions and control your reactions. Because that is simply all you can do.
I know this is hard and often sad. Because right now you are probably saying or thinking, "But Ashley, I care...that's why I worry. And I love them so I just don't know why they don't love me. I'm so good to them, why aren't they good to me?"
Here is the deal: I don't have the answer to that. But I do know this: you are human. You have emotions. You will care. It will be hard. You won't want to give up, and you don't entirely ever give up on someone you care about.You just simply learn to give what they give, especially if its to the point where you can say that they don't give a crap about you or your feelings.
You are a people pleaser. Its in your blood. Your mom or grandma is probably a people pleaser too. So be aware of this, but most importantly- remind yourself that its crucial to take care of yourself and your own emotions too. You are only ONE person and you can only be in so many places at one time. I have to remind myself of this daily. And that is perfectly fine - because being aware of my emotions is what helps me control them.