The pregnancy journey can change who you are and your outlook on life.
“Oh yeah- I’m definitely going to work,” I said confidently. “I could NEVER stay at home with my kid all day. I would go crazy. I mean, I think it’s absolutely amazing and admirable that some women are full-time moms. That’s a huge job. But I’m not sure it’s for me. I need to work and talk to people and have grown up conversations.”
My sister just smiled. As a mother of two boys, she knows differently.
“It’s going to be harder than you think,” she said. “Returning to work will, that is.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine!” I said. “I’ll probably be ready to go back!”
That was 30 weeks ago.
Now approaching 34 weeks, the thought of leaving my little man in the hands of someone else makes me want to cry. Or puke. Maybe both.
And he isn’t even here yet.
So, my sister is absolutely right. Leaving little Cooper will be so much harder than I originally thought. Now don't get me wrong...working is still important to me. And I definitely plan on going back to work. But my outlook has changed.
I realized that I will bawl my eyes out when I walk from the door.
I realized that I probably won’t WANT to return to work....
But I know that my awesome coworkers will have a pumpkin spice latte and hugs waiting for me when I get to the office.
The journey through pregnancy is amazing – and truly does change you as a person. And I have yet to truly uncover HOW I will change as a person. I often wonder how different I will become after Cooper arrives. Only time will tell…
Drugs vs. No Drugs is a daily conversation.
To be honest, I’d love to deliver naturally. My mom had all four children naturally and Justin’s mom delivered naturally as well. My sister had her first son naturally. Now, I pass NO judgment to women who get epidurals. In fact, I might be one of them because I am not 100% opposed to getting an epidural either …I mean…a small pumpkin is coming out of my vagina. And tearing – that’s a real deal. A scary deal.
So when it comes to drugs vs. no drugs – I’m trying to have an open mind. And let my experience determine my decision. I could end up like the woman on What to Expect When You’re Expecting who has a wonderful delivery and sneezes to push her twins out. (Unlikely and if I push out twins, we have bigger issues to worry about).
But either way, I know I'll look like this:
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| Me in a few short weeks. |
I don’t have a birth plan.
Shocked, aren't you? I know, I know - I am such a planner! But...
So many pieces of this puzzle are out of my control.
With that in mind, you know what my birth plan is? Have a healthy baby and make it out alive. So, I guess that's kind of a plan.
I’d love to have my water break naturally- when I am walking around the mall or walking with Justin and Bandit around the block.
I’d love to relax and just walk around my house showering and putting on make-up like Kortney Kardashin did before heading to the hospital.
I’d love to have Bandit by my side the entire time. Seriously though – can he come?
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| "This is my service dog, Bandit. We just lost his blue jacket." |
I’d love to have John Mayer music playing in the background.
Or enjoy a hot bath to fight through the pain.
But you know what? I honestly don’t even know what to expect. I mean, I know what to expect in the grand scheme of things….but I have no idea what to plan for….so I'm going in with an open mind.
I'll pray.
Ask lots of questions.
Walk around when I can.
And eat a big meal before I go to the hospital. Otherwise, I’ll be a hangry monster to everyone who crosses my path.
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| Story of my life. |
I’m enjoying every little moment I have left during this pregnancy.
Cooper has been moving around like CRAZY lately. I mean, Loch Ness Monster style. Justin even felt him moving around before bed the other night, which made my heart so happy because Justin has only felt Cooper kick one other time.
There are days when I am swollen.
Crazy swollen feet update: My feet look AWESOME. I'm not swollen at all right now. My lack of swelling is probably a combination of the cooler weather, watching my sodium / diet, being my active, wearing comfortable grandma sandals, and propping my feet up!
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| My feet looking "thin" today. |
And more days when I have heartburn that stops me in my tracks.
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| Truth. Fart burn WOULD be worse. |
There are days when I feel pressure and cramping down there because he is preparing for the “Big Splash” as my UK coworker once said.
There are days when I piss my pants because I sneeze, laugh, or simply don’t make it to the bathroom in time.
There are days when I am bottomless pit and eat so much that I am convinced I have another food baby inside of me.
But every day – every single day – I take a few minutes to place my hands on my belly, close my eyes, and enjoy the moment that I am experiencing.
I have two hearts beating inside of me.
I have a tiny little person full of personality (I’m sure), amazing dance moves (obviously), and a bright future growing inside of me.
It’s absolutely amazing.
And in those moments, I ignore all of the side effects and emotional breakdowns I’ve had….and I just remind myself how truly blessed we are to experience the miracle of life.
See you soon, Coop!
Much love,
Ashley
P.S. Here is Part 1 of my (Early) Third Trimester Revelations.
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