Think Different

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The rebels. The troublemakers. The ones who see things differently. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

-Steve Jobs

The Bandit Prayer

I woke up late this morning. But who am I kidding...I usually do.

The clock said 7:20 a.m. I knew I wasn't stopping at Starbucks, so I decided 10 minutes would give me enough time to:

• Let Bandit out one more time. He always comes in too early / before he has finished his business so he can get a treat.
• Cook a healthy breakfast (an Egg McMuffin of sorts).
• Pack my healthy snacks for the day (cottage cheese sprinkled with Goldfish crackers + fresh strawberries and banana for later in the day).
• Grind and brew some French Vanilla coffee.

By 7:28 am, I looked at the clock: mission accomplished.

I quickly reminded myself to stop saying:

"I don't have time to eat healthy in the morning."

"I don't have time to pack my lunch."

"I don't have time to brew my own coffee."

Because yes, I do have time.

I went to rush out the door, but turned to look over at Bandit. He was giving me the creeper / alien stare down from across the room.

I'm mildly obsessed with my dog.

I almost forgot our tradition.

The Bandit Prayer.

I started The Bandit Prayer when Justin and I first moved to Indy. I watched too much criminal minds + local news. Not to mention, I'm a scardy cat in general. Anyway, I was also trying to grow my spiritual relationship at that time. So one day before work, I decided to do a little prayer with Bandit.

I grabbed his little face and pulled it close to mind.

I gave him a single kiss on nose.

"Heavenly father, please keep this house free from harm and intruders. Please keep little Bandito safe and sound. We ask all this in your name, amen."

Sometimes he will give me a kiss when the prayer is over.

Most of the time he looks at me like I am crazy.

And maybe I am.

But I left for work this morning remembering a valuable lesson.

You are never too rushed to count your blessings, give a kiss goodbye and keep your morning traditions. 

Much love,
Ashley

Stop Doubting Yourself

“I’m sorry!!” I yelled.

I was in the middle of doing 20 jumping pull-ups.

My arms were weakening.

My heart was pounding.

And sweat was dripping down my body…down my face to my back to my feet….

I was pushing my body harder than ever before…I am talking Biggest Loser style.

Oh yeah, you know...the ugly faces, the tears, the nearly puking expressions, the grunts, etc.

Photo credit to Google Image Search.
This is what I looked like yesterday, probably at least 4 times.

“Why are you sorry!?” Dustin, my personal trainer asked me.

I suddenly felt like I was on an episode of Extreme Weight Loss Edition.

My body kept moving, but mind stopped to think.

Why am I sorry?

I wanted to say:

“I’m sorry I’m not strong enough.”
 
“I’m sorry I’m slow.”
 
“I’m sorry I’ve almost puked 3 times now.”
 
“I’m sorry if my form is off.”

Instead of replying with any of these responses, I said, “I’m sorry that I always say I’m sorry. I just don’t believe in myself…it's something I know I need to work on...”

“Listen, you’re doing great,” Dustin said. “I’ll tell you when your form is off or if you should be working harder. Stop doubting yourself.”

I wanted to cry.

Not because I was sad...

But because he believed in me more than I believed in myself.

(Disclaimer: I did not cry, which was a huge milestone of my week).

***
Let's back track for a hot minute...

Two years ago, my best friend’s husband (Dustin) became a personal trainer at a fitness club called Fitness 180.

The very first night I met Dustin! Winter 2006.

The club was only a few miles from my office, and at the time – it was only a five minute drive from our apartment.

“You should come see me!” Dustin would always say. “I won’t work you too hard. Oh wait, yes I will.”

I always promised I would come in and see him, but I never did.

Deep down I was afraid.

Afraid I would get my butt kicked.

Afraid I would look like a fool.

Afraid I would fail.

But in reality, I would get my butt kicked. That’s what personal trainers are there for…

I would look like a fool, because everyone has to start somewhere.

And I was only failing myself by not even trying.

I had absolutely nothing to lose, except for more weight- which hello I’m obviously all about losing more lbs!!

***
Okay...back to the last night...

When I arrived to Dustin’s gym, I was nervous.

Extremely nervous, but as you know –nervousness comes with my personality.

He asked me how “hard” I wanted to go tonight, on a scale of 1 to 10.

I said a 7.

“Alright, let’s start with 30 push-ups,” Dustin said.

“Can I do them girly style?” I asked.

“No,” Dustin said. “Well, at least try the regular ones and we can worry about altering your form if you can’t do regular push-ups.”

Strike one, I thought. First exercise and I was already struggling.

“If you have to do 10, then take a break- that’s fine,” Dustin assured me.

After watching my form he said, “Look out at this paper, don’t look directly down. It’s harder on your neck that way.”

I crashed after 10.

“Alright,” Dustin said. “Not bad.”

I thought we were moving on. I did 10, right? That was good enough, right?

“Wait, don’t stand up,” Dustin said. “You aren’t done. You have 20 more to go.”

Dustin was the voice of reason I’ve always needed inside my head.

He was the external voice telling me I can’t stop early.

I must dig deep every single rep is completed.

I finished the push-ups. My form didn’t look pretty, but I finished all 30...

“Okay, when was the last time you jumped rope?” Dustin asked me next, wasting no time going to the next exercise.

“Ummm when I was 12?” I said.

“Okay, well do as many as you can to start,” Dustin said.

I did 5.

“Okay, try again. But this time go for 20,” Dustin said and then offered a suggestion to my form.

I did 7.

“Alright,” Dustin started. “Do 20 or you have to do burpees next.”

Oh hell no. Not burpees, I thought to myself.

I did 23.

“Great job,” Dustin said. “The good news is you don’t have to burpees next. The bad news is I am making you do them later.”

“NOOOO!” I said.

He laughed, “Oh yes! Kaila told me not go on hard you, but you said you wanted to go for a 7.”

“That was before I knew what 7 meant!!” I said back, already exhausted after only two routines.

Our workout continued, I almost puked like 3 times.

But I never puked (even though we made a special trip to the bathroom to splash water on my face and wrists).

Instead, I fought through some of the hardest exercises that I’ve ever done (see introduction above). 

And one time (at band camp), I made the mistake of telling Dustin, “I can’t do that…”

“We have a rule here at Fitness 180,” Dustin said. “You are not allowed to say you can’t do anything. Instead, you can say, ‘I am going to try my hardest.’”

He was so motivating the entire night. He knew when to ask me questions about life, work or my weekend plans if I needed to escape the “pain” of the workout.

He would count down in a motivating way.

“Just three more left,” Dustin would say. “Give it everything you have. One, Two, Three!”

I lived for those final countdowns last night.

He would tell me to keep going strong when I wanted to give up. I don’t know if he is a mind reader or if I am just terrible at hiding my emotions (I’ll go with the ladder)…but he really inspired me when I needed it the most.

He was my very own Chris Powell.

Our last exercise of the night was the kettlebell swing.

I didn’t feel like I had much strength left in my body.

When Dustin handed me the kettlebell I said, “This feels really heavy.”

“Just try it,” Dustin said. “If we need to lower it after a few reps, we will.”

You are seeing a trend here…I am constantly doubting myself before I even start anything.

Sure enough, I killed it and finished strong.

“I knew you could do it,” Dustin said. “You did great today. Like I said earlier, just stop doubting yourself…"

I discovered this a muscle in my back / shoulder area that I didn’t even know existed. I could barely lift my arms to wash my hair this morning. Despite a few body aches, I have a feeling this is just the beginning of an amazing journey.

And I am already looking forward to next week’s workout.

He looks scary.

But I promise, he's only scary when he needs to be! :)

So, what is your life lesson for the day?

Believe in yourself. Take a chance to try something new and challenge yourself.

I guarantee you are stronger than you think...

Much love,
Ashley

I Used Everything You Gave Me

I ate lunch alone today.

Which is fine. 

Sometimes I find it refreshing to get an hour to myself.

I had every intention of reading 50 Shades of Gray, but when I looked at the pages...I just saw a pile of words.

I couldn’t concentrate.

Even though I was in Carmel, Indiana enjoying the salad bar at Jason’s Deli, my mind was miles away.

Over the weekend, my Grandma Sieb and Aunt Juli complimented me on my recent blog post, "No Time Is Long Enough."

“You really are evolving as a writer,” Aunt Juli said. “When I read your last post, I thought to myself, ‘She really is going to write a book one day!’”

Her kinds words were music to my ears.

Tell me I’m beautiful, I’ll certainly smile. Depending on the day, I might actually believe you.

Tell me I’m a beautiful writer, my day is complete.

“You really wrote from your heart,” Grandma Sieb added. “Your post was just absolutely beautiful. I’m sure you inspired a few people to look  at the small things in life more often.”

But writing from my heart has been so difficult lately.

These past few months, I’ve felt so unbalanced.

Overwhelmed.

Stressed.

Irritated.

Discouraged.

Scared.

Unsettled.

I feel like I've lost touch with who I once was...

Am I too young to have a mid-life crisis?

Probably.

As I was trying to answer all of the world’s problems – well the problems in my own world - I came across a photo on Instagram that said:

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"


I stared at the screen....letting the quote sink in.

Reflecting on my own life.

Disclaimer: I'm not an overly religious person. I can't many quote bible verses word-for-word. So, some might even say I'm more spiritual than religious. But I love my God and I believe we all have a purpose in this lifetime. And I pray. Although, I'll admit I should pray and count my blessings more often.

But the quote got me thinking...Am I really giving and using all of the talent's that God gave me?

One of my talents is writing.

I love sharing stories. 

I love inspiring people through my stories.

I love connecting people together through my experiences and life musings.

I love helping others by sharing advice and lessons learned.

I love making a difference in someone's life through my words.

So, I've decided to dust off this blog...and start writing more. The past few months I've been nervous to write. I didn't have many happy, inspiring or motivating stories to share because I was emotionally exhausted.

Maybe someone will find inspiration in my struggles (not just my victories)?

Maybe someone can learn from my mistakes?

And maybe, I can difference in someone's life by being honest with my own emotions and challenges.

But no matter what, I'll be using every bit of talent God gave me.

Much love,
Ashley 

No Time Is Long Enough

My meeting ran over, so I was running late. It's no surprise that I also left my directions to the funeral home on my desk at work.Thankfully, Chad played my GPS navigator from the office.

I rushed to Mejier trying to find a perfect card.

Not that any card can be "perfect" for a time like this....

My friend Ashley lost her father last week. We actually had dinner plans that evening, but she text me later in the day saying her mother was having a family dinner.

We were both a little bummed we would miss out on our dinner together, but we promised to raincheck.

The next morning she text me and said, "Sorry again about last night. Little did I know I was going to dinner to find out my dad passed away."

I dropped my phone on my desk.

My eyes filled with tears.

And my heart sank.


I was heartbroken for her...she was so close to her father. His parents and brother had already passed away...so Ashley was the only family he had left.

Ashley was so incredibly strong when I talked to over the following days.

***

Back in Mejier,  I picked up the first card I saw and it was..."perfect"

The card made me think about how I have been spending my time lately....

I have been so incredibly busy with wedding planning / DJ gigs, freelance work, volunteering, event planning, working, marathon training, and other projects... I have lost my balance in life.

It's time to spend my time better.

Wiser.

Happier.

At the funeral, Ashley was incredible. She was so strong. And the funeral, which she had planned on her own, was beautiful.

When I was waiting in line to hug Ashley, I overheard her say, "I'm doing OK. I guess the hardest part is thinking about future events. Like my wedding. He won't be there to walk me down the isle. Or the father-daughter dance..."

Tears filled my eyes.

And before the couple could reply, Ashley said, "But I know he is so happy that you both came. Thank you so much for stopping by. It means so much to me."

She is strong.

So.

Strong.

When I drove home from work today, I took the time to notice the small things.

I saw a mother picking up her two children from the babysitter. The oldest daughter- maybe 3- reached the van door, but then quickly turned around to give her babysitter one last hug goodbye.

I noticed a flower delievery truck parked outside a house in my neighborhood.

I smiled at the woman next to me who was singing with her windows down on this beautiful day.

When I got home, I danced with my husband in our living room to Phillip Phillips "Home."

I went to the gym and did all 3 miles of my training program (I'm kicking ass by the way!)

And when I was walking Bandit around the neighborhood, I called my dad.

Because no time on earth is long enough to share with those we love or to prepare our hearts goodbye.

Make the most of your time today.

And everyday.

In loving memory of Robert Griffith. 

Much love,
Ashley

Modern Family and Marathon Training

It's time to make a confession. Well, it might not be a confession to everyone.


But before I digress too much...

I must admit.

I've never ran a complete 5K (3.1 miles) without stopping for a walking or stretch or water break.

So, the thought of running a FULL marathon without walking breaks seems nearly impossible.

But, who says running a full marathon is impossible? It's certainly possible. I know many people who run full marathons. Who run half marathons. Who run 5ks. The thought of me running a full marathon shouldn't be embedded in my mind as impossible.


I was explaining my running and walking struggle to my lovely friend Sarah Frey tonight.

"I'm sure it's a confidence thing...but I just don't know how to run more than 2 miles without wanting to stop," I confessed. 

"Have you ever watched the episode of Modern Family when Phil tries the walk across the high rope?" Sarah asked me.

Also, I am Phil and Luke is my future son, Cooper.

Now, I know that I remind most people of Phil, but I really had no clue where she was going with this example. Then again, I've never seen the episode.

"No," I said. "What it's about?"

"Well, he tries to walk across the rope, but it's really low to the ground," Sarah said. "So, he keeps falling because he knows he won't get hurt if he falls down."

"Right.." I said listening to her example.

"So, he moves the rope higher off the ground," Sarah continued."And guess what? He doesn't fall as as much."

And just then, her phone dies.

So, I was left to soak in what she said and literally run with it.

I went into the gym and had a revelation.

Phil didn't fall because he invested more into his goal. 

He was pushing himself to new limits. 

He was trying harder.

He was balancing better. 

He took a chance.

And he had more on the line, literally.

Last night, my friend Martha Ellen introduced me to the concept of a pretentious jog, which is the act of jogging so slow that you are ALMOST walking. This act is also referenced as a PJ. 

I just need to take a leap of faith and just "go on for it" as the Perfect Strangers often say. 
Who knows? I might surprise myself and run my first 5K this weekend.

I don't care how slow I go...or how many times I pull a PJ...as long as I keep going.

It's time to get outside my comfort zone.

Phil Dunphy style.

Get your PJ on, Ashley.

Much love,
Ashley 

Guest Post: Online Dating- Just Do It

I always tell my single friends I live for their stories. And my beautiful friend Erin is no exception. A few weeks ago, I was laying around the pool with the girls and Erin was sharing some her online dating stories. I told her she must write a guest post about her experience. So, without further adieu, here is her story:

Back in October, I thought my life was over.  I had gone through a break-up with a mediocre guy who I thought was “the one” despite his many flaws.  I couldn’t eat, I sleep, and I stopped talking to my friends.  When I started realizing that I could not, in fact, die from a break-up, I decided to be proactive in my own confidence-boosting.  I joined Match.com.

I’ve always been a little skeptical of online dating, but let’s get real: I haven’t had much luck in the dating department the way I have been doing things, so I decided to go for it.  I filled out my profile and uploaded some photos.  Here are a few of the highlights of my profile:

About Me and Who I’m Looking For

I'm not entirely convinced dudes actually read these, but here it goes:

I would much rather go to a Pacers game or run than go shopping or watch TV.  I can dish it as well as I can take it because I teach at an urban high school.  I basically want to meet someone who I have a lot of fun spending time with who doesn't mind doing his own thing while I'm busy.

Favorite Things

Talking trash to UNC and UK fans, finding kickass Mexican food restaurants, ridiculous pick-up lines, and laughing at my own ridiculousness.

Much to my surprise, the e-mails started rolling in.  Let me tell you, Match.com made me feel like the hottest female on earth.   After e-mailing and texting a few of the gentlemen, I set myself up on some dates.  I’m going to run you through a few of them.  I won’t use the poor guys’ names (because honestly, most of them sucked).

Dude 1:

I probably texted with Sylvester a good 2 months before actually meeting him for drinks on some random Tuesday.  Within the first half hour of meeting the dude, he told me he always thought he’d marry a teacher (which I am) and he invited me to Chicago with him and his family over New Years.  Umm, what the fuck, dude.  Slowww down.  We said good-bye and he attempted to eat my face off in the middle of Mass Ave.

This really should have been a red flag, but I decided to invite him out with myself and a friend a few weeks later.  We all got pretty shit-faced, and I was a lady and made him sleep on the couch.  The next morning, he bolted.  When I turned on the light, I realized that my couch was soaked.  Yeah.  I texted him and asked if he had any idea why my couch was soaked.  His response? “Nada.”  I felt like I needed a t-shirt that said “I joined online dating and all I got was a pissed-on couch.”

Dude 2:

Gerald was a nice guy.  We had a great first date at a Pacers game, but when I went out with him again, I wasn’t so sure.  We dated for a few weeks, but when he wanted me to meet his parents, I had to let him go.  He got all mopey, so I gave him another chance because I thought I had made a mistake.  Then, the tables were turned and he was in the driver’s seat and could make all of the calls because I was the one who had messed up.  I’m not a fan of that.  We called it quits (again), and he asked if we could be friends.  Dude 2, I’ve got enough friends.  I didn’t join Match.com to meet buddies, get real.

Dude 3:

By the time I started chatting with Godfrey, I was pretty much being a Match.com slut.  I was going out on so many dates for a couple of weeks that I rarely paid for meals.  One Friday, I was already pretty drunk with a couple of my friends, and Godfrey asked if I wanted to grab a drink.  I said sure, why not?  To be fair, I warned him that I had been drinking already.  But, he probably had no idea that he was going to be walking into a trainwreck of a “date.”  The next morning, my friend said, “I think we got a little too drunk on your date…”  I said, “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be hearing from him again.”  True statement.

Dude 4:

Griffeth is probably my least favorite Match.com date, which is sort of unfair because he’ll be great for a suction-cup of a girl.  Unfortunately for him, that’s not me.  He brought me an apple on the first date (an apple for the teacher).  If I had been into him, it would have been cute, but I wasn’t.  The date was okay, and I decided to go out with him one more time.  By the day we were supposed to go out a second time, I really wasn’t feeling this guy, so I was going to cancel.  However, some flowers showed up on my desk from him.  I work at an urban high school and you better believe that my kids were saying this like, “Ooohhh GET IT Miss C!”  I definitely couldn’t cancel on him then!  I did go on that date and one more date with him, but called it quits after he called me “slutty” for dating other guys at the same time I was dating him.  Griffeth, I’m on Match.com.  Did you really think you were the only one I was dating after 2 dates?  I’m 25 years old and got called “slutty” for the first time by some dude I met online.  What the hell.

Dude 5:

Prescott is the guy that I’m talking to right now.  Before I even met him, we discussed the crazies that we’ve met on Match.com.  I told him that most of the guys I’ve talked to either want to get married tomorrow or use Match.com as a hook-up site.  He said, “Wait, you don’t want to go to Vegas after our first date and get married?”  Love the sarcasm.  I’m not going to comment any more on Prescott because I might actually like this one…

Ladies, as a former online-dating hater, I would now strongly recommend it.  You’ll go on some shitty dates, but they’ll make awesome stories.  I probably won’t be like those couples you see on the Match.com commercials, but I’m having a hell of a time in the process.  Plus, I’ve spent so much less on groceries.