"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
Excuse #1 - I left my running shoes in Decatur three weeks ago.
Excuse #2- I sprained my ankle on an outdoor run (in my old running shoes) two weeks ago.
Excuse #3- I'm not currently training for a race.
Excuse #4- I'm way too busy.
Excuse #5- I'll run tomorrow.
Excuse #6- Did I say I was way too busy?
Excuse #7- I'm too tired.
Excuse #8- I'm too full.
Excuse #9- It's too cold outside.
Excuse #10- The gym is too crowded.
My list of excuses for not working out could keep going and going.
And it certainly did.
Every single day I was justifying my laziness.
I was fine with just staying in and doing nothing.
What was wrong with me!?
I did not like who I was becoming....exhausted, stressed, annoyed, etc, etc.
My lack of motivation and drive to become healthy came crashing down on me yesterday afternoon.
I went shopping.
My favorite hobby.
But not yesterday.
Yesterday was awful.
Yesterday I cried in the fitting room.
Yesterday I couldn't find a SINGLE PAIR OF PANTS that would button without giving me a muffin top.
And I absolutely refused to buy a size larger.
I tried on two dresses.
Both of them a size large.
Both of them were so tight on my arms I truly thought I was going to bust out of the shirts Hulk Hogan style.
Shopping is only fun when you are skinny.
Or at least when you are using shopping sprees as a celebration of weight loss.
It's not an unsolved mystery episode. I know what happened.
I've been eating like crap and not working out. Plain and simple. I gained all my weight back.
Prior to my fitting room disaster, I was craving a sweet tea. I couldn't stop dreaming about a cheeseburger.
But instead of hitting up a fast food restaurant and hiding the evidence in the trash when I got home, I grabbed Bandit and took off running.
I ran as FAST as I could to the end of the road.
My heart was beating fast.
My emotions were running high my quick feet.
I felt like I was going to cry; it was the most emotional run ever.
Bandit kept looking back at me, encouraging me to keep going.
I reached the end of the road and looked down at Bandit.
I could hardly breathe, but I said, "Mommy's back, buddy."
And yes, I talk to my dog.
Later that night, I went to the gym and had a great workout. No one is going to stop me now, especially because the only person holding me back before was myself....
This morning, my motivation was high again. I woke up early so I could finish up a project for work, and then Justin and I went on a date to the indoor rock climbing place.
|All dressed up for my date.|
A year ago, I could barely make up a single wall.
Today, I pushed myself up 4.5 walls. The .5 got me because it was a slanted wall, and my upper body strength just wasn't all the way there toward the end.
I did some bouldering on a few other walls (which I NEVER did before).
When I reached the top of the first wall, besides thinking of the camel-toe I probably had hanging 20 feet in the air, I realized how far I've grown over the last year.
Sure, I weigh more than I would like.
And my pants are tighter than I prefer on any given day.
But I have confidence.
More confidence than I've had in YEARS!
I believe in myself.
I push myself to new limits.
Instead of saying, "I can't."
I say, "I'll do my best."
Tomorrow, I start training for my fourth half marathon.
Next month, I'll compete in my first race of 2012 with my mom and brother by my side.
And thankfully, I have a lot more "miles of motivation" posts to complete. I'm not giving up on those, even though the posts took the back burner for a few weeks.
In the meantime, I'll do my best to catch myself before I fall into the deep valley of excuses and self-pity again.
I have a fresh start.
And it feels good.