Smiles, Flutters, Breakdowns, and Celebrations

No, I didn't give up blogging for lent.

Sorry if I had you worried.

Life has been flying by (mostly in a good way). On Thursday, I left work early and headed to Decatur for a date night with my sister.

I had a chance to hug and kiss on my nephews and visit with my mom before we left for our big date.

Aunt Ashley kisses don't creep my nephews out yet.

Our date started at FlatTop Grill (basically build your own stir fry = amazing).  We had a lot of laughs and shared a lot of smiles.

And honestly, I needed it more than anything...

My beautiful sister and me before running to the concert!

Then we headed to the Luke Bryan concert! I was so happy and thankful Sarah brought me along (she received the tickets as a Christmas present). She is madly in LOVE with Luke Bryan and after Thursday night, I'm joining the Luke Bryan fan club. I mean seriously- his moves, his smile, and his voice...obsessed.

I was standing up and dancing to one of Luke's songs (I REALLY wish I could remember which one it was, but I was battling hard to stay awake at the same time) when I felt something magical.

I felt Baby Sieb flutter!!!!!

It wasn't like a fart bubble.

And it didn't feel like my stomach was growling from hunger.

The feeling was comparable to butterflies in my stomach (but not like the kind you get when you're nervous).

Baby Butterflies!

At that moment, I confirmed my suspicious that Baby Sieb is a girl.

And she too has a crush on Luke Bryan.

Disclaimer: I'll be happy if we have a baby boy, but I'm just basing my guess off the fact that the baby has a high heart beat and I've had zero morning sickness. When my mom was pregnant with all of the girls, she wasn't that sick. When she got pregnant with my brother, she was sick constantly. AND my sister has two boys and she was really sick when she was pregnant with them!

Gotta Get Down on Friday

I spent Friday morning eating pizza for breakfast with my nephew and telling stories. His imagination and ability to tell stories on the fly amazes me. He will definitely be a writer one day. I have no doubts. And I refuse to let him waste that creative mind!

We had lunch at Pizza Hut. And by "had lunch at Pizza Hut" I mean I dunked absolutely everything I ate in Pizza Hut's ranch dressing ....the best EVER! Can I get an Amen!?

Friday night we had dinner with Justin's high school friend, Jason, who surprised us by paying for dinner (so sweet!). His parents also came along...Rodger (Justin's Dad) and I made plans to do a 5K together!

"Well, I'm going to be 5 months pregnant then," I said. "So I'll probably be really slow!"

"Why do you think I'm budding up with you!?" He replied back laughing.

Fair point. Our goal is to finish in under 45 minutes, which is perfectly reasonable! I'm excited!

Breakdowns and Celebrations

On Saturday afternoon, I had yet another breakdown about my appearance.

I know, I know- I'm pregnant.

I'm growing a baby.

And I just wrote a blog post about how SILLY I am to stress about weight when I am growing a mini me or mini Justin, which is absolutely incredible!

But, it's just hard.

I'm getting back fat.

My hips just keep getting wider.

And I just have a gut.

There isn't a defined, beautiful baby bump yet. Although, I was teased with this "bump in the making" on Saturday morning:

Seriously, it's mainly the shirt + baby bloating that gives the bump illusion.
But any sign of a bump makes me happy.
So I'll take it.

I guess I just always thought my bump would appear earlier...and that everyone could just tell I was pregnant.

Instead, I'm just getting chubby.

And no one knows. 

So anyway, I went to Kohl's and quickly realized I am officially out of my original size. 

The arms are tight in clothes.

I need bigger bras or else I have back fat rolling out like Fifty Cent at Da Club.

I had pretty much given up on finding cute shirts or dresses.

And the mere sight of swimsuits brought tears to my eyes...

Then, before my very eyes, I found a maternity section!! I found an awesome t-shirt (that hides the unflattering parts of my body) and a dress / nightie for myself + a onesie for Baby Sieb.

Double win!

I wondered over to the workout area. And found myself wishing I was training for a half marathon. I tried to run the other day and I officially can't run half a mile without stopping + nearly having a heart attack. I've lost my running mojo....

Justin creeped up behind me and tried to goose me (aka grab my butt). However, it didn't work because I have a Justin-dar and quickly turned around to see him creeping toward me.

He instantly knew something was wrong.

"Baby, what's going on?" Justin asked.

"I'm just so discouraged," I said. "Nothing fits. And I'm getting so fat!"

"Nooooo!" Justin said back quickly. "We don't use that word, remember! You're getting cute."
 
He wrapped his arms around me. I was still facing away from him.

"Babe, this is just the beginning," Justin said. "You're going to be a lot cuter soon. I mean REALLY cute."

Despite my frustrations and emotions, I realized I'm super lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband.

My history with my weight and eating disorders is the source of my emotions right now. And I need to remind myself that I wanted this pregnancy more than anything.

I want to be a mom.

I want to be a healthy mom.

And acting, thinking, and feeling so hopeless about my weight is not healthy.

So, I'm a work in progress.

Everyone is, right?

My breakdown quickly escaped my mind after we attended a gender reveal party for one of Justin's close friends from high school.

They didn't know what they were having until the firework show (when everyone else found out as well).

It's a girl!
Congrats Mandee and John!

 I had a blast (and yes, I obviously want to have a gender reveal party now).

Justin isn't so convinced about having the party / not finding out on the spot!

"Ashley, we give each over our Christmas gifts at like...Thanksgiving! Do you really think we will wait and not find out until everyone else does?" He challenged me.

"YES- I think we can wait!" I replied back confidently. "Heck, we've waited long enough as is.."

"Well fine, let's just not find out until birth then," He said back, with a snarky tone. "I can do that."

"Get real, Sieb" I said.

Seriously, how perfect is this idea!?

Wear your guess!

 So, the debate for the gender reveal party continues.

In the meantime, take the gender poll on my blog + email (harass) Justin about all of your brilliant ideas for our gender reveal party! ;)

Much love,
Ashley